Sadism and Masochism

shesosweet​(sub female) • Aug 30, 2020

Sandonicus- What I said was for her, since she has a sadist she is with, that she's lucky to have found someone BECAUSE it's so rare.

So, I completely get that it's hard- in fact my original reply estimated even less percentage than you suggest (75-90) I think even fewer than 1 percent of people are truly S or M.

As you said, there are many people in BDSM who have masochistic or sadist leanings but only in context of D/s. I couldn't agree more. I fall into this category.

To a lesser extent this dilemma exists for all true subs and Doms as well- who often encounter fetishists with interests in particular things but are more like tops and bottoms than D/s.

But again, the numbers are far far less for someone like her or you, because these are pretty hardcore practices. She wondered whether she fits into BDSM at all because of this, because they don't practice SSC. My suggestion was that because they trust one another and are of the same mind they are effectively safe, sane, and consensual.

And that there is also trust and love, as she says she would forgo a seemingly perfect and loving life with someone who isn't him.

Having our needs and desires met sexually is so rare, she has struck gold IMO. Maybe a community strictly for S and M would be good, she would feel more at home. But still, even if alienating at times, you are part of BDSM community. Just, most don't understand this level S and M.

I get it!

KnottyBunny • Aug 30, 2020

Thank you for understanding and replying. What I have struck though, is not gold. I thought it was too. He has no love in his heart therefore, not gold. One day he is very sweet and the next he is a God damn rollercoaster.

But yes SSC is a part of it. The trust yes, sane on the other hand, that can be debated. Safe, no impact play is safe, something can always go wrong. Consensual, yes.

He is is in the market for a new toy and your age range is right where he likes them.

shesosweet​(sub female) • Aug 30, 2020

Lol! Yeah totally, sane and safe are for sure debatable in your case...but you cant compare it to others definition because of what you enjoy, its apples and oranges. You live in that grey area and that's what makes you so special! Many people cannot exist that way. Well to the point of him being sweet/cold...

This is a bit reminiscent of my first Dom. He was an emotional sadist there's no doubt in my mind. For 4 years, online mostly, I was pursued as a sexual object but shunned and rejected as a person. He had sweet moments and I owe him a great debt in my mind because his coldness and harshness challenged me and was probably necessary to break me. Literally. It took years. But he did, actually, break me. And I fucking loved it by the time it was done. I know I'm better for it now as a sub, I still don't know what he got from it other than the sheer pleasure of breaking me.

In that time I went to visit him twice, and he refused to host me so I stayed in hotels. He left me there, unattended for 90% of the time and when he was there, he was physically not sadistic aside from what we agreed...but again emotionally, he just rejected me at the end. I was crushed and in tears because I really had fallen in love.

I share this to say...you know what's odd and I don't know if this is true at all for you...?

But the mental and emotional "abuse" (I say in quotes because I willingly subjected myself and could have stopped any time)...was a big part of what made him so fucking hot. Like, just dying to please him at all times.

I find it hard and such a turn off with many "Daddy Doms" and others who just don't have the capacity for cruelty. Haha. But I think in the end there will be a better balance, someone who has both. It's not easy to find.

Haha! Well I would definitely not be masochistic enough for your guy. I love marks and bruises, pain is ok and I'm pretty tough but...I need gentleness and affection as well mixed in. I saw some porn recently with a girl upside down, bound, legs spread, clips on her pussy, while he tortured her holes.

It's not my thing, just doesn't get me excited. I like some torture but not that extent. But...damn. More power to you!

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Aug 30, 2020

Not all activities fall into SSC amd that’s ok. Some people engage in R.A.C.K, which is risk-accepted consensual kink. Which is the realm that I’ve always played in with my long term/trusted partners. In layman’s terms it’s saying you’re consenting adults and you do what you do within your agreed upon limits, regardless of what others consider “sane”. Very few Sadists/masochists engage fully in SSC and prefer RACK.

KnottyBunny • Aug 30, 2020

I have never heard that acronym before now. Thank you.

ColoRuleSoft​(other male) • Aug 30, 2020

Legally, if I cause harm to another person, even if I do receive their consent, I can be on the hook. Felony offenses like battery/assault, in the United States, range from misdemeanors to felonies. That means they are not tried in civil court, but in criminal court. That means it's a government official (local, state, etc.) who presses charges, not a person claiming damage against another person in civil court. Legally, a criminal court can find the sadist guilty under whatever criminal statute they are being accused of regardless of the parties' consent, because party intent doesn't enter into most legal definitions of battery/assault. Now, usually you can get around things like that by having contracts that stipulate that party X agrees to have party Y do Z things (that's how porn studios do it... and by doing slight of hand and other stuff). However, those things usually have to be very well written because now, if you don't fulfill the contract, you could be tried in civil court for violating contract, or even if something is written up, a judge can determine that the contract is illegal, and he can throw the contract out and then have you charged regardless. Simply put, it is a risky situation to be a sadist and identified as a perpetrator with or without a 'paper' shield. Overall, if that's what you're looking for, good luck finding it because most people aren't going to risk jail time or a prison sentence for a session or sessions that may have lasted a couple hours.

KnottyBunny • Aug 30, 2020

Nope, not looking to get someone in trouble with the law............. thanks............

Bunnie • Aug 30, 2020

R.A.C.K: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink

Limits

AmericanPsycho{None} • Aug 30, 2020

Hank.
What limits would you say a sadist has. Picture this in my mind. I’ll give you a glimpse. Nailing her to a board. And her tits to a plank. Then pounding her ass hole so hard that it slightly rips the skin around the nails. That’s my sadism. Limits are not my thing.

And the award goes

AmericanPsycho{None} • Aug 30, 2020

The mind is the sexiest organ. To me when you control it you are now the dominant. The torture is the pleasure of the body. It’s a gift given only to the most crazy of us all.