Am I crazy?

NCarraway​(dom male) • May 1, 2021

@shahh

I don't think this is a useful addition to the discussion. The OP has already taken a lot of heat in this post and picking at his profile benefits no one. I dare say we all have things on our profile that people could pick at.

I suggest that we let the OP take on board the comments thus far and then let the conversation end with good grace.

Dressing​(dom male) • May 1, 2021

I'll try to make this my last reply here, as I've gotten some pretty good feedback, both positive and negative, that I feel I can use to prevent the same kind of situation in the future. For that, I am grateful to all of you posting and sincerely thank you.

I just have some finishing thoughts on two replies.

@DrWakko
First off, your response this time is way more nuanced, and I can work with it, so thank you for that.
I feel this miscommunication is due to our definition of what a lesson is, is very different from each other. You say "What do you have to teach?" and I say "What will you teach me?". A lesson doesn't need to be anything grand, other than just helping someone to understand something. Your question of examples would require me to ask what you wanted to learn. If I try to give an example of what I mean by that, if you were a student in chemistry, I might be able to teach you a bit about how atomic forces work, but how much I would be able to teach you depends on my own level of knowledge. For me, my sub/dom knowledge has come from tidbits throughout various books, conversations and other sources that I found interesting. I haven't gone to any events, as I've never felt I needed to change the path I was on (my own reflecting).

I believe that is a good segue into your next point, if I am even qualified to teach anything about sub/dom relationships.
I honestly can't say, as I believe everyone has some measure of self doubt about what it is they really know, but to me, I've had a multitude of different interactions with all kinds of doms/subs. It's also not impossible to learn from solitude and simple meditation on a matter, as reflection is typically something you do alone. It also quite depends on what kind of dom you are, as a master would value different lessons than a daddy would, for example.

However, with all that said and done, what you're focusing on isn't at all what the real issue is. To put it simply, what I sought help with was answering whether or not it's unreasonable to tell a sub to either make time for me or tell me if they're going to be busy, because I don't want to wait around a whole day.

@FullCanadian
I truly did not understand that it was a joke, and I'm sorry for that. I was on the defensive because so many others had been making illogical statements about me being a dom / or just attacking my person. To be honest, I never thought about what happened to Caesar, because it was never meant to actually represent Caesar. It was a play on the saying "When in Rome", and I just picked the most well known emperor in order for it to be obvious. In any case, as much as you hate explaining a joke, I'm grateful you did, so I know you weren't "coming at me", so thank you again.

Again, thank you so much to all of you who gave me replies and offered advice, it is very much appreciated. I'll still check out any further comments on this thread, but I won't post anymore here, as I believe the most important things have already been said (though don't hesitate to prove me wrong).

All the best and god speed!

shahh • May 1, 2021

@NCarraway​(dom male)

I'm not picking on his profile, I am bluntly asking for clarification on the situation and statements in the OP's profile. The OP is free to ignore them as was previously done. Your suggestion is noted, however putting things into a public forum opens things up for discussion and questioning. I believe that's the entire point of a public forum...so others can reflect and learn if they so choose.

dollMaker​(dom male) • May 1, 2021

While it is possible that on a first conversation/approach there is a spark, that flares into a conflagration, but no one can know anyone after one day of conversation, its simply not possible. What you might take away is that you want to dance more and get to know someone more, and figure out if that spark, assuming there is one, is a connection that might lead to something more than one nice dance. This goes for both doms and subs.

It takes time to learn about someone, figure out how they tick and they you, but also to establish the rules of engagement, the boundaries and limits and agree to a foundation upon which to build a dynamic, relationship. To my mind its not possible to do any of this in such a short period of time, and cover all the possible issues, and have a safe encounter. That means both parties.

Now no one on this thread is privy to the ins and outs of your 'first day' convo, what was said, what if any negotiation occurred and what was agreed. On the face of it, your opening post reads very badly and is full of red flags. It speaks to someone who does not seem to know the ins and outs of, realistic, ethical BDSM, someone who appears to be pushy, demanding, entitled, tried to rail road someone into a dynamic, and frankly seems to have assumed a massive amount from the person you were talking to.

Now not knowing the convos content I will give the benefit of the doubt to you, and say that you should never rush into anything yourself, or try and rush someone into anything. Take time to get to actually know the person, not just the kinks, but the person, as there needs to be a solid connection based on more than just kinks alone. Be firm on taking that time, because only with time can someone fully figure out how to apply BDSM activity, dynamic elements safely, create a healthy dynamic for both parties, and do so with fully informed consent. Also with time deal breaking incompatibilities/behaviour can come to light, and both sub and dom can see things that would ultimately not make them a good match.

Taking time can help avoid dom/sub frenzy leading to broken hearts, unrealistic expectations and fucked up things that can cause all sorts of issues, at the time and in the future - none of which are good.

The key to a good, healthy dynamic is not rushing into one.