Is online domination Planned obsolescence?

Perfect for its description

MissLucy1 • Feb 12, 2019

Perfect for its description, because in the 21st century we have the doors open to expand our feelings and emotions, regardless of the "touch" .. and this makes virtual BDSM relationships something sensational ... trust and connection

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 14, 2019

Considering all the things you can do online now that were not possible 10 years ago -

Jobs, shopping, college


For all we know online BDSM might just be how this is done 40 years from now.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 14, 2019

@masterBear for some its done right now, online, and done with depth, and value.

Comments like yours are thoughtless and hurtful, dismissing what people like myself and Savi currently do, online.

SweetPinkKitten​(sub female) • Feb 14, 2019

Obsolescence? I see it as dynamic, like everything in life, it’s whatever you make it.
When I took my first steps into the big wide world of D/s a few years ago, after having only ever had on long term, comfortable D/s relationship, someone within the online community, living on a different continent, was there right with me, I checked in and checked out with him on line, before and after every meet I went to. He sat quietly waiting to hear I was safe and emotionally ok. I couldn’t have done it without him. We are still friends to this day.
We’re not all just giving to eachother in the manner BDSM would suggest. We reach out to eachother on a deeper level than is perhaps comfortable in our off line life.

SPK

DrWakko • Feb 14, 2019

Problems with so called online D/s.

1. The computer is a great place for predators and abusers to hide. There is no vetting system set up for the online world. Anyone can claim to be a "dom" or "sub".

*Real world communities have a check and balance system set up to look for these predator and abuser types and get them out of the community. It is not always successful immediately, but the predators go.

2. I believe it is possible to have a relationship with someone via a computer. However I do not believe that a relationship on the computer can reach levels of a real life D/s relationship. This has nothing to do with touch or the lack there of. I do not believe you can reach the level of trust that a D/s relationship requires.

3. Education. There is no education for those online. There is no how to be a better cyber dom or cyber sub. In real world communities there are classes, or groups dedicated to the D/s or M/s dynamic. And if you want more than classes there are dozens of books written to help D/s or M/s relationships. As of this post there are no books that I can find teaching you how to be or have a better online relationship.

*Kink education is very important. The more you know and the more you understand the stronger your relationship can be.

4. Being online only allows cheating. Its easy to play on the computer or phone away from the spouse. You could have a dozen partners on the net and none know about them and your real life partner can be in the dark too. Cheating is not poly and cheating is not D/s. Putting a blind trust that someone is 100% honest with you on the computer sounds a bit silly.

I'll just leave these four go for now.

DW

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Feb 14, 2019

@Wakko;

1). Disagree. Predators exist everywhere. All munches and most classes and play parties are not formally vetted. Some are, just as some websites and groups are. There are mechanisms for reporting and removing predators online and off.

2. Trust is an individual thing. You've failed to distinguish why online doesn't work but offline does. Your personal issues are just that.

3. That would only hold true if we accept your strawman that online and offline are seperate things with no overlap or interaction. The same people can read the same books, attend the same classes. A relationship is a relationship. There are no books on online BDSM because it's offline BDSM.

4. Cheating happens offline too. It's not like infidelity was invented with the internet.

All your points demand the assumption that anonymity and distance increase the likelihood of predators and lying. Some hide behind masks, others become their true selves. There is a mix out there, regardless of the mask being an Internet personality or a work uniform. Two mediums, same mix of people. Think of online interaction like any other kink. It works for some and not for others. It's still a relationship in the BDSM umbrella. If you don't like it, don't consent.

(Psst. You're online now.)

Asteria​(neither female) • Feb 14, 2019

I think - and I have done some research and checking - that it is not safe to say that IRL communities are entirely safe, that there is no place for predators to hide. I think there is a similarity between both, online and IRL - some kind of predators are easy to spot and recognise, be it IRL or online. But there are people who are far more complex and sophisticated in their predatory. And those are more difficult to identify. Saying that IRL community is completely safe environment might be dangerous for newbies, as limited trust policy should be also applied to real life, not only online activities.
I would be very careful with statements like this one: "Real world communities have a check and balance system set up to look for these predator and abuser types and get them out of the community. It is not always successful immediately, but the predators go. " There is no social group that is pure and innocent. People are people, and place or medium don't really matter. There is no vetting system that would allow to mitigate the risk completely. Creating an illusory confidence that IRL communities are completely safe might cause some harm. The same amount of precaution is required both, online and IRL - maybe just in a bit different way. Safety comes first, right?
Here is probably the best example: https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdok/pr/lawton-man-sentenced-two-years-prison-using-internet-send-obscene-communications-minor. The guy was an educator, speaker and so on. What he did, was online, yes. But he was respected and well-known member of community. This sentence simply means that he was not crystal clear.
And another one: https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/accused-bdsm-rapist-the-wolf-unveiled-as-wealthy-sydney-businessman-liam-murphy/news-story/8567d9879ac55d3ba83593e0851390b4
Of course, those are only pieces of those stories, stuff that can be found on the Internet. But I think they show quite well that things are not always black and white, and that IRL is not a cozy, safe shelter. It is just another community.


Education is available for everyone, who wants to educate themselves. Does online activity and IRL education have to be conflicting? One can educate him / herself IRL and also have an online relationship. Saying that there is no education for those "online" is simply not true. Also, is reading books only available for people who only do IRL? I fail to understand why.

Cheating happens everywhere. It happens in vanilla marriages, it happens in real life BDSM relationship, and it happens online. If someone wants to cheat, then they will, regardless how and when. Infidelity has not been invented together with the Internet, it existed long before. Saying that only people involved in online activities cheat is once again far from truth and is not based on facts. It is simply your opinion, to which you are, obviously, fully entitled.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){I Guess } • Feb 14, 2019

I don’t understand why it’s even an issue to be discussed. Some people like it, some people love it, some people don’t understand it and some people have this odd loathing to it. How does it negatively affect you so badly that you badger other people that are into it?

I don’t like bondage because of a bad experience with a so called “community leader” but that doesn’t mean I go around preaching about how bad it is. I just don’t participate.

I see a lot of Doms and subs jumping to the conclusion that anyone new needs “protection” but we’re all grown ups here that make much more complicated decisions in every day life than some lame debate over what’s real BDSM and what isn’t.

If you like it, do it. If you don’t, then go do whatever it is you do like. It’s pretty simple.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 15, 2019

@Dollmaker


I was validating the experience.


I was dismissing no one.


My point is that many things are done online with unquestioned validity.

And that online relationships, while new now, might at sometime be the norm.


Please do not accuse me of things I did not say, do, or feel.