Low effort messages from dudes

TwinkleEyes​{n/a} • Jun 2, 2024

Low-Effort messages are subjective as is everything in life. Things to consider when others are messaging…

-Introverted, shy, or extroverted
-Some people look good on paper, not in person, sound intriguing during text, and are socially awkward on a phone call
-single, poly, or in a monogamous relationship
-Working, retired, stay at home parent, volunteer
-Educational level, language barriers, time zones
-emotional intelligence, dealing with past trauma, loneliness
-How we were taught to communicate
-socioeconomic status

I believe it’s the individuals involved that cause low, high, medium, above bar messages and effort. Sometimes it’s a place in our lives. Such as a loved one getting cancer, someone dying, a loss of a job.We are each unique individuals and I feel it’s more important to build bridges of communication rather than blame the other side.

ByronDeSade • Jun 3, 2024

TBH, when you put extra effort into posts to others in this site, they're almost always downgraded by the the recipient. This may be because the average human alive today doesn't easily recognize intelligence, wit or creativity anymore. There are also a fair number of folks who naturally respond to communications with a default victim mentality, assuming others are seeking their degradation or aggravation -- or may be so caught up in their own aura that they cannot pull off being polite. Just my thoughts...Sean

ByronDeSade • Jun 3, 2024

And one more thought...our society has become so prone to offense, but especially with sex & dating, that comedy has been canceled. Now, in past times, comedy was a great balm for the human soul and a great ice breaking during tense moments. No longer. So we need to bring this back into human interactions and stop demanding to know..."who the hell do you think you are to presume I accept jokes"?!! It's about time to return to normalcy, friends. Sean

I'mME • Jun 3, 2024

There is joking, and then there is there are those who engage in negging. Some should learn the difference. If one is always getting or often getting the message that they are being rude, condescending , and always downgraded by the recipient, they may want to re-think what they wrote to people. (but once again people who engage in negging, aren't apt to change)

While I'm at it, don't call people liars when you wrote to them.

I may be many things ,but a great liar isn't amongst that list.

And YES, I get mofo offended when anybody calls me one. As a matter of fact it's only happened less than a handful of times.

I can guarantee that you do the same to others . Funny as great as you portray yourself, that someone hadn't snatched you up for their Dom.

ByronDeSade • Jun 3, 2024

I'mME -- Why assume that all criticism is true and fair? That's cynicism taking hold. After all, it wouldn't be right to assume a fan of Sowell is just a radical Libertarian with an angry-at-the-world attitude. Contra, old Thomas always demanded evidence before lowering the boom, I'mMEMy.

flitter'fly​(sub female) • May 13, 2025

Yes please...
True intimacy is most certainly a need in RL
But You can find a deeper intimacy with the right kind of person through online, for a short time.
Reading people and finding out that they are fake before meeting in person, weeds out what You know You do not want.
But at times You can find a true fit, with another when she is as true to herself as You are.
It can also if You allow it make for a time to experience another way of trying new things before You meet in person.
For instance.
Face time and have things set up for You both to cook together and have a meal.
Have a picnic.
Set up movie night while on video.
Have fun with it.
You can see facial expressions, Hear the voice see if she is being genuine or critical.
See the effect You have on her and her on You.
It's just finding the one who fits You and You her. Finding the one who wants the things that You want.

flitter'fly​(sub female) • May 13, 2025

That goes both ways.

A Minx • May 14, 2025

aww, autisticbarbie... where you at grrl?!

SirDanNc • May 15, 2025

Starting off... I'd like to say that I am not taking about those that copy and paste, sending to 100 to see if some bite. But ..when I was actually messaging I would find that more often than not, I would get replies. However, messages that were normally initiated to me, almost had no thought. While my profile is pretty bare no, then it was not. It was not overly written with a narrative that most wouldn't want, but expressed who I was..both in and out of the ls. Just enough to show me but leave plenty to discuss. I would get a good morning and something a long the lines of how my day is going ..nothing tailored to or showing any interest in the time or effort I had written. The dudes comment is incorrect. I personally wouldn't write someone until I've peered at their profile and tbh most messages I sent ..were titled profile. So male, female, other, Dom, sub switch vanilla, doesn't matter ... Show you care or don't your choice, but it goes at least somewhere if you show you even skimmed what they wrote.
My two cents on this.

Brattypupgirl​(sub female) • May 22, 2025

As a neurodivergent person on most sites, forums or dating apps I try to follow a general rule of respect? So if a guy sends me a creepy RP he's probably just projecting onto any subs inbox- it's a block from me. The same with aggressive replies or 'instadom' messages.

If a guy wants a response and a good one I expect them to show signs of being respectful or caring of subs even if they aren't 'theirs'. So in practice it'd look like a guy checking our profiles and making sure we don't have clashing kinks or limits. Second making a comment, question or something I can 'latch onto' in a response and usually some interest or general feeling of curiosity beyond getting them off via private message.

Also I hate to say it but having a bio that is limited with phrases like ' looking for someone to remold', ' 24/7 no limits' or ' just ask' are all hard red flags because they imply real not play based misogyny that can become dangerous for subs. So in short- doms should be more honest and aware in bios that they need to show more depth if they want it in return. Just my experience from here and a few other sites.