Hi, slut

Eagertease​(sub male){I wish!} • Sep 24, 2018

I think such language shows a complete lack of respect and demonstrates exactly the wrong way to treat a person, a sub isnt someone to disrespect they should be admired and any dom who doesnt is just a little man trying to feel big and strong.
A true dom knows the value of respect and understands the trust placed in them isnt an easy or simple thing to do... if a women chooses to be a slut thats fine I admire that but a slut isnt a sub they are very different things

Satindragon{Not Lookin} • Sep 24, 2018

The great thing about living in freedom is the ability to freely express your opinions. Sometimes we just have to agree to agree to disagree. Sometimes our opinions get misread, misquoted and misunderstood. When you put yourself out there you expect to be critiqued and criticized. That being said, I would respond to that opener by reminding the Gentleman that those terms would be reserved for my Dom.

ChillVibes​(sub male) • Sep 24, 2018

I've had incredibly toxic encounters, especially just starting out, where I was often berated or accused of being some sort of bad submissive because I respectfully pushed back at people introducing themselves to me and automatically assigning me a title.
I guess people have different opinions on this, but just from a personal standpoint: don't do this stuff. Especially if the person is new, they could really internalize it, and an eager, budding submissive anxious to impress could walk away in the complete wrong head space, setting them up to be walked all over in the future, assuming they are supposed to mindlessly accept whatever drifts their way. Reserve your titles for people who've agreed to them, or at least explicitly stated they don't care.

Lady Lushavore​(dom female) • Sep 25, 2018

To even imagine myself making such a blunder like that is just cringe worthy on so many levels.

Not only would it be overly assuming to believe the sub enjoys being called certain names outside of play or private, but for that to be the first message to hear from a potential partner seems a disservice to both sides.

I firmly believe first impressions are important, and that subs are intelligent and/or instinctual enough to recognize how a relationship's dynamics will play out, from the get go.

It sounds like mistakes were made and swift punishment ensued.

FabSeverus​(dom male) • Sep 25, 2018

I dont think many respectable Dom would do it. The one who might think its ok either received some messages from subs with similar greetings ( Hi Master, can you teach me..) or they are just dummlydom from porntube.
I dont think it needed to be so hot headed discussions in my opinion. If you recieved such message just ignore it or even block the sender. After a few blocking he might understand his approach was wrong. Its not out of respect but more like a lack of knowledge or experience about submission.

Sub2Daddy​(sub female){Not lookin} • Sep 25, 2018

I personally haven't been referred to or address in such a manner on here. Although I am relatively new here, but have only been shown the utmost respect. Pet names sure, sweet girl, sexy, kitten or just sub....I've been asked if I'm a "pain slut" or a naughty little slut but never actually addressed as such. I think if this happens it's a case by case situation and should be dealt with as such. If you let them know you don't appreciate this way of talk and they stop, great! But if not remember you don't have to continue a back an forth with that person. If that's what their looking for that's ok, and if that's not you that's ok too. To each their own ya know. I'm definitely not one to say someone else kink is "wrong" but you also don't have to submit to such terms and behavior. Remember your submission is your gift to give....but that doesn't give you the right to hold someone else's dominating ways against them. We're all here to learn and have a good time, so do just that. Of course this is just my opinion...have a great day all!!

Savida​(other female) • Sep 25, 2018

Toonew—are you saying that you view that kind of opener from a stranger as simply how a dominant acts or expresses themselves and also as a kink?

I specifically point out “from a stranger” because if things are consensual I don’t care what people do or call each other.

I ask because of the “I’m not one to kink shame” and “doesn’t mean you can hold their dominating ways against them” comments and want to make sure I understand what you’re saying.

Sub2Daddy​(sub female){Not lookin} • Sep 25, 2018

Savida- I don't presume to know why someone would feel it's ok to start an intro like such. I will say if they start things out that way I would hope they knew not everyone would be into it. Maybe their putting their preference out there to see if someone shares the same liking. Weeding out all others (not that I agree with the process) definitely wasn't trying to offend you hon. Not accusing you of kink shaming, just my opinion at looking at both sides of things trying to maybe figure out one might do this. It's never good to "assume" as we know what that does, but just trying maybe guess what an why one might lead with this. Ya know. Again I personally wouldn't approve of such introductions but I was just trying to put myself in "their" shoes ya know. Maybe this is why I usually just read these an not comment. Always sounds good in my mind but gets lost in translation...lol again no disrespect intended hon.

ChillVibes​(sub male) • Sep 25, 2018

I don't think this is really a "both sides" sorta issue. While I'm not going to shame anyone for enjoying name calling or being called names, that kind of fishing strategy, if that truly is the goal, remains incredibly rude. I'm skeptical of that though, most people should know to ask for permission by now, and if you're new to the dom world, seek some advice from other doms before you decide to wrangle a submissive on the internet.
Seriously, whether it's your kink or not, don't tolerate toxic behavior in the name of submission. Remember, it's supposed to be a power exchange, nothing is unilateral.

Savida​(other female) • Sep 25, 2018

@ toonew, I didn’t feel disrespected I just wanted to make sure I understood you properly so I could respond appropriately. I hope you’re not offended by my asking for clarification, none was meant, I just have found that misunderstandings happen easily online so asking is best! I hope you do continue to post on forums, it’s how we all learn from each other.

That said, I have to agree with rick on this one, this isn’t a both sides issue because of consent. It’s kind to try to find common ground and think in their shoes, but, generally how a Dom starts is often how they mean to go on. A Dom needs consent for any and every thing they do and name calling is a big one.

If they don’t already know that, that’s maybe not a relationship you’d want to try out. If they are more innocently blundering and just need to learn some things, I’d personally wait. That may sound harsh but the stakes in D/s are too high and ideally for me, someone needs to have an idea of best practices. Not everyone will feel this way but that’s what I need personally.

Another reason why approaching this way is bad to me is because those names have different meanings for many people. I for one, am highly offended by the term slave, although I know MANY identify as such and enjoy it. I wouldn’t because of what the word means to me.

Someone else might not like bitch, slut, whore, or maybe even something others think is cute, like baby or honey, there could all kinds of reasons why (like maybe being called that by a past abuser), and it’s thoughtless at best to charge in saying such things without knowing the person. I personally would not want someone who wasn’t considerate, and that’s how I read such openers as lazy and inconsiderate.

The bit about their dominating ways...well, if a dom thinks that that’s the way to be a dom or that ordering us all about is all to it, I’d def hold back on that one. Some people have a lot to learn, but I have to say it would be pretty hard to recover from such an intro with me. To me D/s is about so much more, a gift as you said, and anyone who shows up demanding anything from me...well good luck, dude. Lol.

That being said, in the context of a relationship with someone I know who I know respects me, there’s all kinds of sexy kinky name calling on both sides....but it’s consensual! That’s what makes the difference to me. Strangers haven’t consented and more lines than rudeness could be crossed.