Ever worried you’ll end up alone?

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 7, 2020

You aren't alone at all. I have dated vanilla since my Dominant passed in 2015.

My experience in this realm is that we come to this with a different level of communication and appreciate for the unexpected. We put in the time to discuss and explore things.

Vanilla men don't have that. They could be great guys, but there is a radar that people into kink or power exchange have. Seems to me there is a drive to learn that other person and really make them happy. Be that them throwing you on the bed or you learning their wants and need above your own.

When you really know yourself. When you are clear on who you are and what you need, it automatically narrows the field. It limits your choices to those who meet you on that same type of page. Its hard enough to find here where we can be open with our needs, finding in a vanilla dynamic is tough.

I've considered going vanilla and had to decide if I could live without this aspect of me. Because you aren't giving up a lifestyle or kink. You are giving up who you really are. So if its just kicks and giggles, sure you might not always want it. And we see that often. But if it is your wiring, as it is mine, the awful truth is you might not find it again and you will never be free of it either.

I've thought more about poly or even swinging for that matter. It would not be the same for me, but I would have some people to enjoy and that may have to be enough.

But the level of devotion I extend to my partner? That can only manifest in power exchange with a Dominant partner as strong as I am, with as much intelligence as I have- who has worked on this a longer while than 10 minutes.

Sadly when we see those guys that just aren't enough through no fault of their own, we might think we missed a real opportunity. For me? No. I could try and I could shelve some of my needs but in the end, the disparity of who I am and who I need to be for that person would force me break it off.

Ethically I can't do that to some unsuspecting guy. Others might but not me.

Chemistry is a bitch

DirtyRocker​(dom male) • Nov 7, 2020

On the bright side tho, it's what you bring out of your partner.

I mean I ve caught myself be soft, tender and all about the love with some partners, while I treat some others like the worst sadistic son******ch ever been on earth.

So I ve concluded to this.... Its what a partner brings out of you.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 7, 2020

DirtyRocker​ you said..."I mean I've caught myself be soft, tender and all about the love with some partners, while I treat some others like the worst sadistic son******ch ever been on earth. So I ve concluded to this.... Its what a partner brings out of you.""
................

I don't agree with this. While its true that we 'together' have our own chemistry and formula, you must each bring something to the table. If you are all over the place then it's your center that needs a second look. Or you are compartmentalizing and in play you can be whatever you two want. But in the long haul which is what I think this post is about, you have to be authentic and know yourself. No one can bring out of you what isn't there. First you must have the thought, second you must be open to the opportunity. So once you tell me you can be a sadisitc sonofabitch... i'm out. You let that side out on me and then tell me I brought it out of you? ROFL

Sadness, wailing, gnashing and tears will ensue (none of them mine.)

You're young so maybe it's all paly for you at this point. Some of us, however, are looking for our last partner. I couldn't be with someone if I never knew if he was gonna pick me up with the car or run over me with it.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Nov 7, 2020

So far most of these responses are from dom males and sub females. Considering they're more likely to be together due to the numbers game (less dom females, less dom males) we need more responses from dom females and sub males. I'm very sure they're more under threat of fearing being alone.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 8, 2020

Taramafor​(sub male) "So far most of these responses are from dom males and sub females. Considering they're more likely to be together due to the numbers game (less dom females, less dom males) we need more responses from dom females and sub males. I'm very sure they're more under threat of fearing being alone."

And what makes you so sure about that?
.........
Perhaps you should find or start a group for Dommes and male subs and ask them.
Kindly do not decide what or who is threatened by loneliness - everyone is.
Your dynamic interests are no more special than anyone elses.

Iluvcollars​(sub female) • Nov 8, 2020

I've wondered that as well, my last vanilla boyfriend couldn't understand and wouldnt give me what I needed. I also have issues, because I think you should talk to eachother at least once every day and, if you dont make an effort to answer me or help me keep up conversations, that you're tired of me.

peacockblue​(sub female) • Nov 8, 2020

Every damn day. Finding something with someone who is truly who they say they are that I am actually attracted to physically and mentally makes life frustrating. There are too many fakes or wanna bes. Find an attractive, stable, dom to fulfill my needs and wants and it go long term to me seems absolutely impossible. Not found my unicorn yet in 3 years of the single life.

ShadowLurker​(sub trans woman) • Nov 8, 2020

I'm 20 and just want that perfect domme that I can trust and not have to hide anything from. Sadly, I can never seem to find anyone I trust (I don't really trust anyone these days cause I've been burnt so many times) and the fact that I am quite bit of a nerd with social anxiety and a lack of interest in most "normal" social things makes things so much harder. It ain't easy to be around most other people in life when the two main things I personally care about are high-intelligence dommes and high-performance computers, and NOT the "normal" and boring stuff that your average vanilla joe cares about in life or talks about with friends... Unnecessary presence of unnecessary people feels like a burden and I like to have my space and my own little world, and that world won't be complete without the perfect owner/Goddess/whatever...

SUBeneschamali​(sub female){in-trainin} • Nov 9, 2020

Yes, definitely worried about ending being alone in life, but why settle? You only get to live this life once then why not strive to be happy while you're at it.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Nov 9, 2020

Did you uh... count how many dom males and usb females have been responding before making that post?

I flipped through the pages and saw "Dom male. Sub female" on average.