When is a Dom not allowed to discipline or correct a submissive?

ursa​(sub female) • Aug 20, 2022

Hm, perhaps this comment is not in the spirit of this thread:
...but following this and reading your response about respect here, it makes me think of certain people - maybe a bad manager or a power-tripping police officer, etc - those who say "Respect me and I will respect you," but what they mean by that is "respect me as an authority figure or I will not respect you as a human being," and they fail to see how they are not asking for an equal exchange. You seem to have taken some offense at "Captain Obivous," claiming it as disrespectful. However, you also call someone else a "child," but claim, within the same virtual breath, that everyone deserves respect. I think moll could have reasonably used less "respectful" language with you. She called you Captain, after all ;p


More in the spirit of this thread:
Much as there are different types of respect, there are different kinds of correction/discipline.

If nothing has been done wrong, then there is nothing to correct - but a Dom might still decide that a "funishment" is in order. They could, for example, decide to nit-pick their sub for a task that was technically completed, just for fun, right? They should probably make this clear in the scenario, communicaiton is key and all that...

Alternatively, a Dom could certainly decide to be lenient with something they see their sub/slave struggling with, and they could choose to be lenient for any number of reasons - for the sake of giving themselves or their sub a bit of space or extra time, for example. Even if something basic to the dynamic hasn't been done up to regular standards, the Dom is always allowed to show some mercy.

What is a Dom "allowed" to do? Well, they are "allowed" to do whatever is consented to, no? I think it's reasonable for a sub to not consent to, for example, persistent criticism in certain areas. However, there are some subs who enjoy something that would look like verbal abuse to others.

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Aug 21, 2022

Ursa, I've grown tired of needing to tell someone to show common respect. To not approach me with a slick tongue full of sarcasm and the need to belittle. It has nothing to do with being a Dom. So when someone has the nerve to tell me I don't deserve respect, when I haven't shown disrespect, I have a problem with that.

I've been here before right on this forum. And two of the main antagonist women are no longer here. You know why? Because they showed disrespect to anyone (man/woman) they deemed ignorant, beneath them, or they just disagreed with. Their answer was to use sign language. And actually thought they could shame me out of here. Well I am accountable for my ish. I will apologize when wrong and I will approach with respect. But when a jerk comes my way with BS, I can sling it as well.

What I'm basically saying is don't F with me. And I won't F with you. Again it's not about me being a Dom or wanting power. Nobody knows me here and I'm not asking anyone to bow down to me. But I expect respect. As should you.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 21, 2022

When the D type is wrong to begin with.
As a D type you must ask yourself questions around discipline.

What do you want to achieve?
Are you teaching?
What works with that s type.
Is this about your hurt ego or about behavior?
Do you want to punish?

Bunnie • Aug 21, 2022

Nice to see you again, @MasterBear. Welcome back

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 21, 2022

Thank you Bunnie!! Good to see you!!

littlecuffedfaerie​(sub female) • Aug 21, 2022

I would say a Dom is not allowed to discipline if he wants his sub to do something that he knows is one of her hard limits, and she of course refuses. Of course in that scenario, I would hope the sub ends the dynamic, because a Dom who wants his sub to do something that's a hard limit, is no true Dom at all.

Sasa​(dom female) • Aug 22, 2022

If they are happy that way it is not about others to judge.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Aug 22, 2022

My answer is basically what others have already said.
My Dom is allowed to discipline me whenever he wants to if it’s within the parameters of our agreed upon dynamic, which are always open to renegotiation. For us this means if I’ve disobeyed a rule or order, not completed a task, or I’ve been otherwise disrespectful.

Ursa brought up a good point as well. A Dom can also choose to be lenient at times and not discipline at all.

Dom Pinnacle​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2022

I couldn't care less what anybody does. But when you open yourself up for everyone to see, expect to be judged. That goes for you, myself and people on this forum. Don't dare attempt to make me believe that you don't dabble in the realm of judging. It's human nature to judge. It's how we keep ourselves protected from predators. Whether it's judging or pre-judging, we all do it.

Zelia • Aug 22, 2022

We don’t have to judge every situation we come across. I don’t and I’m happy with that. Sometimes it really is enough to say, ‘If they’re happy it’s all good,’ especially when it has no impact on anyone else. Judging the people you interact with, and who may influence your life, is different. I’m a much happier person for viewing the people around me with compassion rather than judgement. Knowing that their situation, wants, needs or concerns are not my own.

As far as a Dom not being allowed to punish a sub, when it’s outside of their negotiated boundaries or when a sub has asked to renegotiate boundaries. Everyone’s boundaries will be different so it’s impossible to say. Besides that I find punishing in anger to be a universal red flag.