Turn offs in new conversations

Cognizant​(sadist male) • Jan 29, 2024

my turn off about online dialog is that there really isn't any. I am on two other kink related social sites and find that nearly all of the conversations I'm in face an abrupt stop - a ghosting that leaves me wondering and confused.

I am a good communicator with a larger than normal vocabulary. Trained in sales and writing I can strike up a conversation with nearly anyone about nearly any topic and hold my own, even if that means asking open ended questions and spending my time listening to learn. I have had friends, lovers and complete strangers tell me I should write a book because of my ability to animate a story beyond a mere set of words. Yet, for some reason I am unaware of, I can not get anyone to engage me online.

This wasn't always the case. In the early days of the internet - like 1997ish - I was contacted by a female submissive that liked certain photos I posted to usenet. Our cyber relationship (friendship) lasted years. Lately I get excited if I receive a full sentence that isn't shorthand text speak. . .and I'm stymied when the second sentence never arrives.

I recently attended a nearby munch. One attendee and I go back over 20 years, another attendee about 15 years while the rest I was just meeting for the first time. The conversations were so stimulating that the munch hosts had to shoo us away like last call at a bar, then we stood on the sidewalk for another half hour before finally going our separate ways.

After arriving home, I logged onto the kinky social media site we had met through to add my new friends. Two friended me and sort of interacted, but only in cryptic text speak, while the rest, that had been enthralled with in person conversation a couple hours earlier, now ignored me, while two others acted almost hostile towards any interaction I tried to have with them. I finally stopped trying and have determined I'll never go back to that munch.

So, I found The Cage and joined. I am NOT interested in cyber only - an irl D/s relationship is the goal. . .so far the Cage seems more communicative than the other site or the blog. . .but far fewer members and no one within 100 miles of me.

Thanks for reading my rant.

fatsubslut​(sub female) • Jan 29, 2024

For me a major turn-off is the attitude of "I'm bored, entertain me." I find the inability to entertain oneself something I just can't relate to. I'm just not into providing entertainment in just alleviate boredom.

I also find it painful when the conversation doesn't flow. It either does or doesn't. But if it doesn't, I don't have much desire to put in the work after a certain point. Because it does become work.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 29, 2024

(truncated for relevance)

I have encountered the same thing, except in my case I don't mind when they go away. However I, too, am possessed of a reasonably intelligent vocabulary plus the ability to properly and effectively use it--- and while I sell nothing, I am also a (not for publication/don't have time for deadlines and shit) writer. I enjoy going back to something I wrote back when I was younger and editing.

But at any rate, the initial flurry of messages back and forth always tapers off and ends, often shortly after the time they figure out I really am not looking. It's the nature of this place I assume. Alas this fade-to-black crap takes place on "regular" social sites-- as in nothing to do with BDSM or other sexual or emotionally related topics. It seems people just don't have a substantial inventory of topics to bring up and discuss.

So, it's no fault of yours, no fault of mine. In some respects it could be the overall superficial nature of online conversations. For example, even back when Facebook was a bigger deal than it is now compared to the "apps" that abound, it was fairly common to see people with hundreds of "friends"-- if not over a thousand, the lion's share of whom never actually engage in any contact at all. They're "collections" to be added to not actual friends.

Hell I still have a FB account I use to message back and forth with a guy I met in here, and that's lasted over 3 years, a rare find, but I only have 4 "friends" on there officially and I hear from none of them.

InATimelyFashion • Jun 10, 2024

One thing that just does not hit right :


"cleanliness is next to godliness' '

Not trying to bash but all the signs are their they lied about what they look like in their life, some not being honest. You want someone with a clean slate not like convict vibes bye see ya.
They say they are alpha, secure and clean cut, well groomed and have mastered themself but when it comes to exchanging photos they look nothing. They said this one to make someone walk away. I go by body language , energy , character , vibe when it does not all add up right right have right to decline. But I think someone is putting on a show to get what they want its not working. I read the person just vibe and what I was reading was dangerous. All the photos were angry reading them no laughter or careness just hate in the eyes and face they talked they like to hurt cause anger on someone so that another thing. I got prison in my vision when I had to take a step back. Then they showed a picture of a fist some the reg flags tell you to vacate the area. Not try to judge I have learned the four clairs and read people very well. I have never been wrong on it. Just when they wear clothes also like prison look a bit gruffly gang like hair cut as prison cut atmosphere around them the atmosphere looks dark living in low living. Just gave me sign to vacate the area wished them well but they did not look very clean like half wash they look like nothing they said that just make not interested But this how the FBI even reads people you should learn its not judging but knowing the facts you should have to meet anyone if not the same. People have the right to be selective and have the right to protect themselves. These kinds don't belong here, should be on here, don't just go for anyone. This person had a problem with women that had mental health well as long as they took care of it but took someone who grew to understand anything. But they have a problem with dogs and kids. They are not going to treat you right either around your family and friends. Looking for the signs they ever read does make you crazy and makes you brilliantly watch your back to not meet this person. People should look like their photos and the info should match the same as video call no excuses. never give out your number right away or email or personal info meet on safe app but stay here they should be asking for more or nude decline its not respect if they can't value you goodbye end of story. I know someone people can change but some don't but who you allow in your company and life effects your life go by effect not sweet words. Know self defense know safe and sane your human you have rights they pushy at first rushing get out why you can. It should be out of love not anger. Also brought up using someone as punching bag leaving black and blue they won't give after care this sign of abuse when they talk about harming animals and other things also this is not safe inhuman this not someone you want around family or friends. They only want to inflect pain take anger out of you leave injury but no care do not settle for anything less think better. You might have desire of bdsm but make sure you do your homework and educate yourself in everything. It's a bond love and trust if its pain it be safe stuff not against the law stuff or anything that ham or cause injury. Everything agreed two way street punishment out of love and not hate. The Dom should never fear you or your life they need to give a mind and speak or its nothing that you work on things grow with love. Contracts can be broken its not real you break any time if your don't wanted or safe walk put yourself first your best of loving yourself. Don't tell them your gonna leave just leave have police escort you out use ask for protection.

Byrdie​(switch female){rl only} • Jun 11, 2024

I'm going to add another one, as it's come up repeatedly recently:

5. "What would you do to me?" "What would you make me ..."

Phishing for online play or free erotical writing use makes me roll my eyes. These conversations usually end quickly with a very befuddled or annoyed person at the other end. I don't do online play with strangers. I put this in my limits on my profile. I don't mention being willing to do it in any part of my profile, or during the conversation. I estimate that 80% of the strangers who contact me seem to expect it out of me, and I don't get it.

I wish they'd just find someone who actually says they want this. Or hire someone, as there're services that provide sex chat.

aradialspire​(dom femme) • Jun 11, 2024

The other day I was on a chat app, and some guy told me he was jerking his dick and wanted me to listen to him. I told him to watch porn.

"I get off on making women listen to me cum." I asked why I would ever do THAT for free. "Some girls are into it," I told him. If I were into it, it'd be like my favorite YouTuber or a celebrity or something, not some scum off the bottom of my shoe that I don't know. He was pissed.

They just don't get it. They're not Mommy's special little boy; they'll have to buy that just like everyone else.

In truth, you can't "make" anyone do anything they don't want to do. And this is coming from someone that's "made" people do all kinds of weird shit. All I've ever done was give them a license to do all the weird stuff they've always wanted to do but couldn't give themselves permission.

Anytime some strange male finds out I engage in BDSM, and they're like, OMG, DOMINATE ME, I roll my eyes. I'm not a slot machine; you can't pull the lever and get a task, and most of the time, they:

A. Aren't even into domination; they want to jerk their dick to a woman's voice and get very upset when I tell them no; they will never come because degradation and denial are my FAVORITE THINGS. No, I don't care if you never come again. I will put it in a cage, and I live for that.

B. I am confused and try to "make me be a good girl," and I keep correcting them. That is not how things go, no matter what they saw on PornTube that time. Blowing your load is not an act of service, and no, I do not give free feet, you degenerate.

Most of them get offended by the idea of not paying for something they think everyone else should have to pay for.

It's like stealing sexual ketchup packets from McDonald's, gross and sad. We can all see them doing it, and we're all judging them for it.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Jun 13, 2024

Since this thread appears to have been revived (even if only a bit), another one that has popped up recently in my interactions that seems ridiculous to me:

"I'm looking to build an empire."

This coming from someone looking to be a stay-at-home-wife who, when pressed, has no idea either how to build an empire or even necessarily what their role would be (at least unwilling to say it out loud).

So, basically, you want ME to build an empire, then you just get to enjoy being empress.

Feral Equestrian​(switch female) • Jun 14, 2024

1. Hey, How are you?
2. Immediately using honorifics or pet names.
3. Dick pics
4. Immediately berating me for having an age limit listed on my profile & trying to change my mind. -> Hint: it’s not going to work & I’m going to block you.

And for those confused by the “Hey, how are you?” being a turn-off: Coming from a complete stranger that I’ve never chatted to before it just seems disingenuous (idk if that’s the exact word I’m looking for here.). You’re a stranger why would you care how I am or how my day was at that given moment, when you know nothing about me? Also, I am neurodivergent AF so I abhor “small talk”. That’s probably the bigger issue. Which also makes me awkward sometimes. 😅

I'mME • Jun 14, 2024

@MA,

It's something I see people who have a following online. (damnit, can never remember the word, they make a name for themselves in social platforms) I'm sorry it flew right out of my head.
Not creator. Anyway, I see that phrase from those types of ppl most often. Maybe it's an age thing.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Jun 14, 2024

I agree that it seems more prevalent among young people and likely fades as they gain experience and realize that the whole fifty-shades-billionaire Dom thing is a basically unattainable fantasy and that, even closer to earth, fewer and fewer folx can support (or want to support) the tradwife lifestyle, which is another social plague commonly pushed by influencer and incel culture.

I think 'influencer' might have been the word you were looking for?