When disobediance is the RIGHT thing.

When disobediance is the RIGHT thing.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 5, 2018

Yesterday was the luncheon to celebrate the bear contest. At the event there was a woman doing interviews of leather women of history for the leather archives. She had interviewed two women in our community and felt that she could speak as to who and what our community was.
I sat across from my love and as soon as the woman started talking I knew there was going to be a huge problem.

I looked up at my love and I shook my head “no”.
My love was like what “no what?”
And I said “no talking” and she said “I'm not going to”.
I pulled up my phone game and started playing it while the woman that spoke about shit she had no idea about babbled on.

And then I saw my love’s hand go up.
She started to talk and I tried to stop her.
I told her honey “this isn’t going to matter”.
My love kept talking.
I kept trying to interrupt.
I kept saying honey “this isn’t going to matter, nothing is going to change”.
My love kept talking.
Finally I just stood up.
You could have heard a pin drop in the crowd of about 65 of the most exquisite leather men and bears. And then something happened. The people within the crowd told me “let her talk”.
And I told them “it's not going to change anything if we talk”.
They said let her talk.
And she would talk and I would listen until I couldn't listen anymore and by then I was crying uncontrollable tears.
I said to the crowd “are you going to pick up the pieces? Are you going to deal with the backlash of what we're saying here? No! I get to do that. I get to go home and for the next 3 months pick up the pieces and deal with the backlash.”


The crowd wanted to hear her.
And then I just broke.

I told her “come on honey let's go this isn't going to change anything it's just going to make it worse for us”.
Out of the Sea of big brawny Leatherman and bears came an Elder who I've known for a very long time. The crowd fell silent.
As he walked towards me he said “let her talk”.

Then through a rain of tears I said "I cant keep her safe."

And before I knew it I was surrounded by leather men and bears. They held me and they let me cry.
My love could broke into tears and these leather men and bears surrounded and held her. They kept her talking.

And for the first time in over 2 years I felt my love was safe. My love choosing to disobey and speak up and not leave led to an amazingly transformative experience that will forever be a part of me. For the first time in a long time the there is hope.

For the last two years we have been harassed and bullied by bigots and white supremacists and their friends within our BDSM community. My love had stopped going to events, even ones I was throwing because she fears for her safety. The realization that I couldn’t t keep her safe and that if I fought back I was making her a bigger target destroyed and paralyzed me.

My love and I continued to organize events but were absolutely tight lipped about what was happening.

It just so happens that one of the women that the interviewer spoke to was a huge bigot that actively encouraged these attacks. This woman’s events has a long list of rules that she and her husband only have for show. When someone that they like breaks the rules they ignore it. At the cost of the safety of marginalized ppl.
My love came off fetlife permanently after the racial attacks started. It took my love two years to get the white supremacists consistently blocked on facebook.

Bigots went to jobs and outed folks. They threatened to come to my job.
It has been along and horrid 2 years.

As other community leaders made things worse by having these people speak/ represent their events, and volunteer. This caused a huge validation as to who they were and what they were doing.
If you are saying- maybe the other leaders didn’t know. It was all public all over their profiles. They bragged about the harassment and publicly accused both me and my love saying that I was a rapist, stole money from the community, tried to kill someone with my car. They went onto say that my love was dangerous to white people. These accusations are just the tip of the iceberg.
When they were effectively blocked from all of our accounts. They made a dummy account that was eventually blocked by fetlife.

But my love and I kept working.
I built Obsidian. I have clear cut “no tolerance for intolerance” policies that are reinforced publically and quickly.
I have worked triple hard to create safe space for marginalized people, and it’s working.
We are building a community.
I won’t stop building. I won’t stop working.
Having the leather men and bears descend upon the both of us to comfort and protect will be with me well into the next lifetime.

The harassment wont stop. And the backlash is coming. But that day. For that space in time. I felt them protect her. And I will always be in their debt.

Thank you for reading.
Respectfully,

Master Bear
Runner Up Bear 2018

TheJackdaw​(switch male){Collared} • Nov 5, 2018

Amazing to read. Strong stuff

NaivelyOptimistic​(sub female) • Nov 5, 2018

Phew. This had me in tears. Your love is a strong, strong person, and so are you. Anyone who chooses to hopefully engage with a community where they feel hostility, animosity, and hate, all while only longing for inclusion and acceptance, are my kind of people. As formative as yesterday was for you, I can only hope enough elders and leather men and bears felt similarly so that the tide slowly begins to change.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Nov 6, 2018

Awww Bear, I just want to hug you. It's so cool that you have this memory and that you have a new appreciation for the strength you have as individuals and as a couple and the love you generate in people around you!

I'll say it again, you kick ass!

Bunnie • Nov 6, 2018

@ MasterBear, thank you for sharing this.

WetWhenWhipped88​(sub female) • Nov 7, 2018

You are both amazing.

Her courage, your courage, the both of you repeatedly fighting for tolerance. I hate that you have had the trials that you have, but it have obviously developed into strength that leaves me in awe.

I live in a place full of closed-minded "rednecks". I was raised with it. My first serious relationship was a woman and my first son is mixed. I certainly have not been down the road you have, but I can understand some of your plight.

I wish that people could just love. Not for color or gender or appearance, but for love; for WHO people are and what they believe.


Thank you. For fighting for equality, for tolerance, for love. I am glad that you had that moment of safety and acceptance.

CrimsonPaw • Nov 7, 2018

Awe pass the tissues! I know this wasnt easy for you to write, thank you for sharing. *Hugs*

bookworm​(switch female) • Nov 7, 2018

If could would hug you both, keep being strong both of you. Amazing!