MasterBear(other butch)
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
@Fud
Ok. That is awesome!!!! And I agree. But this conversation is about seeing it. Do you see the same things in your community and if so how does it manifest ? |
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Online now
Bunnie
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
@ MasterBear, the conflict that I’m experiencing here is:
“Having talked to the current submissive before----they see everything that is happening as something that they are consenting to.” So... who is calling it abuse? If they themselves are not considering it to be abuse... perhaps they actually are consenting to it. I’m not trying to be difficult... I’m just trying to understand how it is determined that it’s abuse. |
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MasterBear(other butch)
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
@Bunnie
Soooo---- This is an example of what I see. It isnt being called abuse by either. My question is-- Let's say the submissive says now it's all good. But over time their feelings change. Just because the submissive consents doesn't mean it isnt abusive. |
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Phanes(dom male)
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
@MB
It seems that apparently you have seen this person prey on the less informed, those who are new to the lifestyle, or those who are lacking self awareness/worth. Each of those previous relationships ended poorly from what I read; therefore the only conclusion I can come to regarding this guy is he is gaining their unwarranted trust through his mental abilities to have them believe they are safe with him, knows how and what to say to have them believe he cares about them, and once he feels they are invested in the relationship so much where they have developed undeserved feelings for him; his true colors come out. So, My opinion is that if this guy is not a favorite friend of your's (which I gather he is not); then I would either have a straight on talk with him; but I doubt that would go over very well. Those who are like him, see nothing wrong in what they are doing and can result in a nasty scene. If your concerned with the one he is with; then find a moment to share your concerns and the reasons as to why you are concerned; to include your previous observation of past relationship and suggest it would be in her best interests that she picks up and leave before he can do much more damage to her mentally/physically. He is a abuser in dominant's clothing. Expose him! |
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Bunnie
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
@ MasterBear, ok now I understand, thank you for clarifying.
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dollMaker(dom male)
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
MasterBear wrote: I am talking about discussing the greater areas of BDSM such as coercion that are often times validated by social structure So is it the submissive's responsibility to call foul? Sure it is but you're assuming a couple of things. Number one ---assuming that the submissive has insight to begin with. Number ---- assuming the submissive has an idea of what a healthy relationship would be like to balance off their thoughts and expectations with. Number three and this is the biggie here there is an assumption that a dominant wants to hear it and supports it Abusive dominants that have been doing it for a long period of time have developed a manipulative set of skills that are very impressive. They also know quite frankly who to Target. The dominant I mentioned specifically targets new Young submissives with a questionable sense of self, minimal confidence, and an absent support base. Having talked to the current submissive before----they see everything that is happening as something that they are consenting to. My question becomes give this submissive time what will the feelings become? I know that the idea that abuse is based on emotions can be very volatile. Because we do a lot of talking in BDSM of what makes people safe? How do we keep safe? What do we do to and for each other to help ensure safety? It's difficult to think that all of that boils down to what somebody internally processes. Well said and sadly a common basis of accounts of abuse on the Cage. Emotional abuse is just as serious as physical abuse and should be taken just as seriously. Thank you MasterBear for your posts on this thread. Hopefully it will open minds, force self analysis but alas I know only to well that those those abusive doms won't listen or change their ways. There should be no tolerance, or safe haven given to such abusers. Alas victim blaming and shaming, dismissing those abused is also common and a serious problem, as it compounds the abuse. |
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Fudbar(dom male){❤️❤️❤️}
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
MasterBear wrote: Do you see the same things in your community and if so how does it manifest ?
I've seen similar. It manifests as high school drama, victim blaming by groups of subs who both attack accusers and spread rumors about D types that stand up to it (since they think their darling Doms are harmless).. It also manifests as play consent issues at the local clubs. Bystander effect is strong, and as much as I've wanted to speak out as a D type, one must avoid 'white knight syndrome' if the s type who was abused doesn't wish to pursue things in a confrontational manner. First do no harm; it is possible to further harm a victim by pursuing justice...which I know, can conflict with coyote llama advice. Grr. Fucking nuance, grey and pain everywhere. For me, same as you...some clubs, munches parties, groups become Chick a Fila or Hobby lobby. I'm not a big dinner party fan anyway; me and mine and a bottle of wine works. Conversation is more in depth and honest. Can't save the world, but I can support my friends. Much like you, turned my efforts online, and have found a community here where all voices can be heard, admins are responsive, and I can support more folks with less stress. Don't have to tell you how much these battles stress the soul. Why I said hug your Love. 
Edit: PS @Phanes... Psst...she didn't say guy, only D type. Today's word is hetronormative. 
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MasterBear(other butch)
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
@Phanes
I dont handle predators that way
But thank you. This isn't about what to "do" It's about what do you see? How does it manifest? What have you seen be the end point? |
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Bunnie
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
This has taken an all-too-familiar turn, so this is where I disembark... however, thank you for creating a very interesting and thought provoking topic... I thoroughly enjoyed discussing it
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MasterBear(other butch)
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5 years ago •
Nov 15, 2018
Thank you everyone for your thoughts.
The concept of exposing is a different conversation. Having seen this play out with different folks in different ways. I am looking to see if this is something that others see. And what is the end point ? |
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