When you just want to say “F” it

When you just want to say “F” it

Bunnie • Nov 17, 2018

How do subs/slaves deal with that feeling that crops up once in a while where you just want to throw the rule book out the window and scream and shout and stamp your feet and rebel at everything?
I’m not interested in creating a best subs people’s choice awards here... I’m looking for those people who are willing to admit that we have shitty days and shitty moments... where we fall apart... and perhaps even want to throw in the towel. What do you do to help move past that? Do you have a gentle ritual that you do for yourself? Or perhaps a mantra to help get your mind back in focus? Or positions/meditation? Ask for a day to yourself perhaps? Or ask for cuddles? I’m very interested in hearing what others have found works for them... or perhaps even didnt work...

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 17, 2018

@Bunnie

First of all.
Hugz and support.

Second of all- am I allowed to respond, not being an s type.

Bunnie • Nov 17, 2018

@ MasterBear, thank you... and yes, please do

CK45​(sub female) • Nov 17, 2018

~hugs~ Bunnie.
Don’t know if there are specifics to being a sub and coping because I’m still new.
I do the “breath, relax, reflect” thing in all areas, works for me ?‍♀️
Hope you find a way

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 17, 2018

To love my love completely is to love every part of her. My love is an African American in America today. The parts of her that are the most complex, most painful, most debilitating, are the parts that I love.

For my slave to allow me to comfort her in those times when she can't serve is a blessing. And how I look at it is and she allows me to comfort her in those times when she says she can't serve she is actually serving with the deepest part of her

Lostasfuck​(sub female) • Nov 17, 2018

You guys are all so understanding and inspiring. Lots of love

Onlinedomguy​(dom male) • Nov 17, 2018

I am very interested in this topic. I have had situations where I am having to work through, with my sub, some issues or problems or moments where I know she is struggling with something. In those situations I tend to try to follow her lead, seeing what she seems to need from me. In the moment, it isnt always clear to her and basically I try to give her compassion, warmth, and my strength. I listen and ask, push and prod, and remind her she is not alone, I am there to give what she needs. I read her body language and listen to her words and then act accordingly.

I wonder though if I am giving her to much control in the moment and maybe she needs something different. I suppose each situation is different.

If she is just being difficult ...well that is different...I am assuming the post is about the former.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 17, 2018

@Online


My first wife was drama/attention seeking.

So when I got involved with my love I quickly realized that trusting her meant understanding that she doesn't do cause emotional chaos for fun.

My love is emotionally mature and when she hurts it's from a real place.



We talk a lot about the trust that the s type has to put in the D type.
This is a place where the D type has to trust the s type.



Burnout is normal.
Bad days are normal
Triggers are normal.
Days where the self esteem makes service daunting

It is my job to see this in her before she sees it and intervene

WillowJ • Nov 17, 2018

Honestly I've been questioning how much of a sub am I lately. I've needed to be strong, independent, resistant to all advice/orders the past month or so to feel like myself. Since I'd rather come up swinging at everything I've decided to curl in on myself and try to figure me out. What's my natural state vs what I want vs what I need. Long story short...I'm walking away from the potential of something to do some serious self reflection.

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Nov 17, 2018

Burnout like this is normal on both ends of the spectrum imo. And this is where, assuming you have a partner, trusting your partner and being open with them is very important. As a sub, if you can open up to your Dom, let them know what is happening so that they can try to help and assist, it would probably make a world of difference.

I'm not always the best with my words. But there are plenty of times where my Wolfy has come home from work, and broken down to me about how something happened and it triggered a snap in him because it resurfaced /everything/ going on for him at once. And while I try to help him out with my words, a lot of times simply being there and being understanding, with open arms and all the snuggles and kisses in the world, can be just what the proverbial doctor ordered.

And the same goes for me. A lot of times, if I end up breaking down, I just need a warm embrace and to be reminded that it's all going to be okay. My babe is great at giving advice so he often helps that way too. But just knowing I can lay my head on his shoulder and cry it out if I need to, is sometimes enough to lift my spirits. Not fully, but start the process before hand.

If you're on your own... It might sound weird but talk it out to yourself. Vocalize your issues. Scream and shout if you need to. Cry it out. Crying can be incredibly therapeutic. Draw a bath with some calming scents and relax for a while. These are all the ways I cope when my love isnt around. And it happens often for us.