D/s and mental health issues

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Mar 4, 2019

I think the key word here is ‘unstable’. People can be unstable and it have nothing to do with mental health. I think shahh is specifically asking that if someone is unstable (defined as not fully established and likely to fail) with their mental health, then is this fair for them to put others at risk in a new D/s dynamic. At least, this is how I interpreted her question.

In my opinion, I would say yes it does AND no it doesn’t.

No it’s not irresponsible as long as they disclose it with their partner(s) and are entering BDSM for the right reasons. Every relationship has its unique challenges and own obstacles to overcome.
Yes, it is selfish if they don’t disclose it and are more likely to cause harm to themselves or others. Eg, they may start to have hallucinations when their sub is tied up and vulnerable. Just as someone with anemia could also pass out whilst their sub is tied up and vulnerable.

I agree 100% with MasterBear. I think the consensus here is that honestly and full disclosure is key. Adjustments and modifications can always be made to ensure a happy and healthy dynamic no matter what their circumstances may be.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 4, 2019

I agree curious.

I also feel that the term stable is relative.

My third feels their other partner is stable. My love and I do not.


I think the other thing to remember here is that under a spotlight we are ALL unstable.

Lol

shahh • Mar 4, 2019

Thanks all for the responses. I know it's not an easy thing to talk about, and it is tempting to call someone offensive for asking the tough stuff , but real life issues aren't always easy. Rose colored glasses are great at times, but this is reality. I feel it's important to be able to discuss the difficult life stuff without fear of ridicule or judgement or slamming your back up against a wall assuming the person asking is coming from a negative place.

Lotus​(sub female) • Mar 4, 2019

I said the bulk of what initially was said, even after the edits, can be perceived as offensive. I don’t think you’re offensive, nor was I offended. Just need to clear that up. And yes, I agree, living life through rose colored classes..I’ve always wondered what that would be like!

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Mar 4, 2019

yes. as with any relationship, honesty is the foundation everything else is built on. while each nuanced contribution to this thread was thought provoking in the writers’ own unique perspectives, they all bring us back to “consent”.

D and s types (and everyone outside and in between) have the right to make their decisions based on the information they are given. important information should be given. i feel, mental and physical health are examples of important details that should be shared. shouldn’t consent in bdsm always have an implied “informed” as a preface? even in CNC, you should have all the information on the risks etc before choosing that dynamic, one would hope.

in bdsm, i think this is necessary and should be seen as a big red flag if actually engaging in bdsm “play” with someone that omitted this important information because it could be dangerous and both parties have a right to consent.

i hope people do not feel that they would be discriminated against for personally sharing these details with a partner and that the partner(s) would use the information to make necessary accommodations such as adding a padded mat for kneeling if your partner has bad knees. it is hard to find your one(s), but lying by omission will not make a lasting healthy relationship. omitting health issues can put people at risk (yourself, partner(s), hosts, community).

now, depending on different dynamics, how soon personal information is shared depends on what is being built....of course. for example, in the most basic play scenario in which the parties are likely only to engage in a one time scene; the mental and physical health issues that could or would impact said scene need to be disclosed. if getting to know someone and building a relationship of friendship to potentially a partnership; the personal vulnerable details can be shared piece by piece as trust builds, but best not wait too long to share some things as that takes away a person’s right for informed consent before they trusted enough to let feelings grow. waiting for love to share important pieces of who you are, for example, is not exactly ethical.

*edits to structure not content

Devil's damsel​(sub female){HandsomeDe} • Mar 4, 2019

My ex husband suffered from anxiety issues that weren’t diagnosed until much later in our 18 year marriage. Once diagnosed and on medication he became much easier to live with and to enjoy being around and to love. He decided to stop taking his meds because he didn’t like the way they made him feel instead of asking his doctor to adjust or try a different medication. That turned mine and my kids lives back into a living hell full of emotional, mental, and verbal abuse. His selfishness in not taking care of a known mental illness was a leading factor in my deciding to end the marriage.

That being said, I personally, will NOT enter into a relationship with someone who has a mental illness. Yes that limits my dating pool, but I won’t put myself through the hell that I went through with my ex again.

shahh • Mar 4, 2019

Thanks again all. And I can understand that dd as our past experiences/joys/hurts definitely have a huge factor in our current and future choices. I applaud the honesty in your response as well. That takes balls.

Aaaaannnd speaking of balls (i could not resisit the horrible segway) does anyone else find it interesting that no men have responded? I wonder if this is because of chance or because of the stigma of talking about mental health...especially for men.

TakenLower • Mar 4, 2019

They know their place?

MackDaddyRico​(dom male){❤️️❤️️❤️️} • Mar 4, 2019

@MasterBear

I agree disclosure is paramount. Knowing and accepting one has a mental illness, regardless of whether they are being treated with Meds, is a huge part in handling it. (While some psych Meds may work for some, they don't work for everyone.)

Dom was a psychopath/narcissist.
He refused to acknowledge he had a problem, refused to get help, thought that he was spiritually elevated/superior to everyone else.

Did not disclose because they did not think they had a problem.

Played the sub.

Afterward

Brainwashed the sub...harms herself.

There are 3 issues at play here.

1- the dom did not believe they had a problem

2- lack of self assessment set the D type up for uniformed play

3- damage occurred.

shahh • Mar 4, 2019

@ MackDaddyRico

What are you talking about? Please refrain from attempting to highjack a post that has been full of thoughtful discussion.