attitudes

attitudes

Primal heidrich​(dom male) • Apr 19, 2019

I have been nosing around in profiles to see what sort of personalities are out there . what different people are looking for and want. some I have found pleasant and entertaining even. however it seems to be a majority of the profiles have stuff for example . if you cant handle this , go away or I wont do this or that . don;t like it? oh well attitudes around . I understand that there are alot of idiots and predators that you girls have to fend off and filter through. I get it. however it make me as a dom , possibly looking for someone to join me and My family a little guarded towards all this negative energy that's being posted on profiles and what not. like I explained before. I understand the bullshit you girls have to deal with. I hear about it all the time. however. why are you letting idiots make you and angry and come across as negative energy type Women? My personal opinion is that its a turn off completely. I hate being surrounded with negativity. what are y'alls opinions on this matter? do you have one? are the idiots and predators gonna win and make this lifestyle a angry negative world to live in?

BDSMbeats​(sub female){Owned} • Apr 19, 2019

Hi there ^^ I personally believe that good people are hard to find even outside if this community and lifestyle, there's very few people I've met in my life who seem to be good people through and through. My current Master I met about five years ago, and we only started dating almost two years ago.

A lot of people are on the defensive side I suppose. It's hard to say. But that's my opinion on the matter ^^;

CrimsonPaw • Apr 19, 2019

Have you looked locally instead of online? That may yield better results. There are many predators here, and it is frustrating weeding them out. Sometimes being so blunt on a profile does come across a bit negative unfortunately. The chat room, forums and blogs, are other good ways to meet people and get a better grasp of their personality. Good luck in your search, I hope you find who you're looking for

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Apr 19, 2019

Attitudes on submissive profiles are generally from being hurt too many times to count.

I came from a RP website, 99.9999% of the profiles had the whole “I am not my character, a romance with my character is not a romance with me, treat me with respect, I’m here for story over smut any day (bold ass face lie).”

It’s similar to that, LOTS of people jump in head first into a Bdsm dynamic and come out hurt> bitter> afraid> recluse> blame> shamed> and/or broken.

No one likes when things arnt what you signed up for, and as such putting that big “fuck off” sticker on your forehead avoids their own weakness by remaining cold to the quickies.

Unfortunately it has the adverse side effect, leading to no interest in social compatibility and just leading to the business-as-usual type of bdsm dynamic which is not super fun, but it is safe.

Freya369 • Apr 19, 2019

FYI There is nothing negative regarding being explicit, concise, precise and or clear about what one wants in one's life. Such personal declarations are designed to save everyone's time and energy...which is a positive thing and more importantly to avoid misunderstandings and making a bad "match." Simply honest, that's all. Also, a good "declaration of intent" tends to "weed out" ...let's just say...the more confused among us.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 21, 2019

So....

As a male you do not understand what women-- not girls----go through.

Your assumptions about being so knowledgeable regarding what we go through is dismissive and quite frankly part of the problem.

Your entitlement to positive emotions that you haven't earned is also part of the problem.


Want to know why "us girls" are "so angry"?


Let's start with people devaluing our experiences by assuming they know how it feels and then says that shouldn't matter.


Your priviledge shows here.

You would be better served to listen more and talk less.

Primal heidrich​(dom male) • Apr 21, 2019

hello again folks of the cage. Ive read these responses to My questions and perception of this tops. first off, nowhere does My post mention looking for anyone or anything. so attacking me about looking at all is out of context completely. i posted this topic about negativity. trying to figure out why its happening. I want to know. I have heard aot of girls tell me stories about how they are constantly feeling as if they are being stalked. to some degree you are. welcome to humanity. Men have always hunted females since the beginning of time. that however doesn't excuse the fakes and idiots that come to these types of places and think they can fake it long enough to get what they want then run away. they do do it and get away with it sometimes. I understand this fact. the fact I'm being attacked for being a man is rediculous. I asked questions. why? how ? what? most of the responses to this topic are sounding very angry to me. this is MY perception of the attitudes. yes everyone should absolutely be concise and know what they want. describe what they are looking for or want in their life. absolutely. however is all the negativity after that description neccesary? for example. "if you dont like it, fuck off " this is what Im talking about and asking about. it comes across as negative and angry. to Me anyway. thats all this is about. not looking for anyone anything, not telling anyone what to do or how to behave. Im asking questions and giving My perceptions of what I am seeing, the entire reason I asked. I was an am on the side of the submissive in this post, I was hoping to start something to help others understand and possibly give an outlet to talk about this shit. and on a final note . if you think its only males that are getting on here and ghosting and doing all this shit to the subs, you are very sadly mistaken. it happens by subs to the doms just as much . we just dont bitch about it. so this is NOT a one sided situation. thank you to those that actually did write about whats happening and responding to the actual post topic. you are the reason I started it. I was under the belief that this type of community was about standing together for pleasure,happiness and community and the such. Im truly not understanding the bitterness and anger.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 21, 2019

@Primal

Yes, in a certain way women have always been "hunted".
That does not mean this has been welcome. It does not mean it has been acceptable.

BUT most importantly women finally finding their voice is a good thing.
Expressing anger over inappropriate treatment is a good thing.
As a marginalized people finding our anger is a good thing.

It means that those around us need to change.

Mainly men.

Change what you think you know.
Change what you think you deserve.

Sit back a minute and stop saying you understand. You dont.

Look at these statistics:

One in five women and one in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives.

In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime


51.1% of female victims of rape reported being raped by an intimate partner and 40.8% by an acquaintance

https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics


Women are surrounded by violence. We are twice as likely to experience violence then men.

We have a right to be angry and defensive.


Other numbers :

1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking



1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.


1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.


1 in 10 women have been raped by an intimate partner.



https://ncadv.org/statistics




People tend not to say that stupid gazelle it's so angry it won't let that harmless lion join in on grazing time.


Same concept here.

We are tired of the hunt.

Its non consensual.

And speaking out and being angry are positive expressions of saying no more.

Ilmare​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Apr 21, 2019

I do not really have advice - just an opinion. This ranks up there to my male counterparts telling me I am "emotional" when I am actually "passionate" about a position/topic in a meeting. I have seen the same attitudes from doms and subs - male and female - on this site. As a person exploring this side of myself for the first time, I would chalk it up to experience rather than bitterness and anger. I always try to have a conversation before assuming their disposition. If they are are crappy in the personality department, it will surface.

It does not matter the social media platform. People are who they are before they get there - and - there are all kinds of people. I try to be honest and up front with who and what I am seeking in an effort minimize what comes knocking. I am also learning what I am willing to try, but the truth is that I do not know my limits. Even if I put these on my profile as Freya suggested, I still get strangeness. I am just older so sometimes I find it entertaining. (o.O) Don't judge me.

MasterBear is right that only women/females/girls and likely those who identify as such, understand what we go through. No one knows how I feel or know the things I've survived. True for any human, not to generalize. Women get hit on all fronts. Facebook. Google. Instagram. Match (the worst). At least in The Cage, you are already up front on what you are about because hello... see the sign? (^_~) My poor Instagram account is constantly bombarded with offers of sex, marriage, and sugar-daddies wanting to rid me of my life's burden - and likely my wallet.

Even if I explain it all, they can't know the real damage done. They will filter my experiences through their own perspective - a male perspective in this conversation. We are emotionally unique creatures with unique circumstances. If you've been through the same thing, maybe you can empathize. If what has happened to me disturbs you, perhaps you can sympathize. Clearly, you are not indifferent to what women go through. I would say thank you, for that. (^_^)

Statistics

Ilmare​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Apr 21, 2019

To put further perspective on these numbers, I've experienced all of these in just one relationship...
- intimate partner physical violence
- intimate partner contact sexual violence
- forced to have sex by an intimate partner
It was a difficult time in my life and that of my family. When the opportunity arose to leave him, I did.
I was young and naive enough I didn't understand what it was at the time. As a grown woman, I know.
And for some of us, it is just one of many incidences.

Thank you MasterBear!