Permission

Permission

Darrell​(dom male) • May 5, 2019

So tonight I have been flitting about on a few profiles,It`s not something I normally do unless im actually speaking to said person, But anyways i keep seeing "You must ask my Master/Mistresses permission to speak to me". Since when did this become a thing seriously?

I mean if your dog came running upto me i might ask to stroke it and say what a good doggy, or maybe even get the frack away from me you evil spawn of Satan lol, Or if im at your house I may ask can i have a cookie please. But nothing or nobody on this planet is going to get me to ask permission to speak to another Human being.

I Have been in this lifestyle for a long time and as a Dom I have never told someone to ask my permssion to speak to my sub, Never have i met anyone in this lifestyle who has asked me to ask permission yet on here its everywhere. And im sorry but if someone did i would probably laugh in their face. Its just wierd lol

If your that insecure about your sub talking to someone, Then ya might wanna look at yourself first. But as someone who has zero intentions of stealing another persons partner or talking dirty to someone online, And if someone did initiate a conversation with someone for those reasons then their is this thing called a block button. Plus those kinds of people take zero notice of profiles anyways.

I don`t know is it just me, But i find it all a little bit on the pathetic side

MasterBear​(other butch) • May 5, 2019

I dont find it pathetic at all.

I find it a weed out on how much a person respects anothers relationship.


Its been going on way before I started.

Others I have talked to says it was standard practice in the 40's.

Just recently its become less common.
As in the last 10 years.

dollMaker​(dom male) • May 5, 2019

Its very much a thing on the net, sometimes introduced to try and protect a sub from the influx of unwanted horny, rude, dick pick messages that can flood their inboxes. However In my view those that will respect this, arent the ones who would message with such material anyway, and those that will, will ignore such profile requests anyway so ultimately the worth is not really going to be there. Among high protocol practitioners you will find it a physical world thing too, so in that case at an event or party one must ask permission to speak to a sub off their dominant, master.

All of the above in my view is ok, if the motives are pure, the sub fully and enthusiastically consents to it and the dominant an ethical one, however often that is not the case and a sub has been hoodwinked into agreeing to this when the motivation is to try and control, and isolate, to separate the sub from broad contact, or even targeted contact. This could be an insecure, jealous partner, an ignorant newbie who thinks this must be a thing in Ds relationships, but its more likely to be instituted to help protect a dangerous, abusive dominant from being found out.

If their sub isnt allowed to talk to anyone it reduces the risk that bad, dangerous practice might get called out during a casual chat with someone else, who isnt their dominant. That is a massive red flag if a dominant wants a sub to not talk to anyone. its also of concern if a dominant wants to stop their sub talking to dominants, that too can be to prevent that sub in casual chat finding out their dom is not safe in what they are doing. Often an other dominant will pick up on lack of safety in activity that another sub might not spot. If a dominant says you cant talk to past friends, family thats a massive red flag.

Controlling is not dominance, its abuse and isolating is also a means to abuse. My advice to newbie and not so newbie sub is dont accept this, dont consent to such demands. If a dominant tries to do this, run and dont look back.

Darrell​(dom male) • May 5, 2019

For me this lifestyle is strongly based on Trust if you expect someone to ask Permission to speak to their sub then that to me speaks of their being no trust, And if you dont trust your sub then their is an issue and if you have to force this into effect then im sorry but it is pathetic. No true Dom should ever enforce this or need to.

NoOneofConsequence​(dom male){Taken} • May 5, 2019

I have been involved in the lifestyle for a few decades now, and have been privileged to know many submissives variously over the years. Some as a sort of platonic Protector. Others as lovers. It's only been in the last year, two months, and twenty-six days that LDR was even a blip on my radar.

Permission has never been a hard and fast rule for me. Protection, on the other hand, has always been.

I have been truly honored to know several intelligent and strong women that are... or were... sexually submissive. And been beyond honored when that submission was offered to me in the cases that it was. For those women, no. My permission was never a necessity. They could speak to whomever they liked. And, if that led to them leaving me for some other "more domly Dom" then I don't see how preventing them from speaking to someone else could have possibly done more than prolong the eventual outcome.

Others that I have known, however, I couldn't trust to wrangle a worm wrestle. They were... well, they would describe themselves as "submissive people pleasers" more often than not. I would call them "windsocks." However the wind would blow, they were going with it. In those cases, yes. I wanted the opportunity to look over just whom they were talking to if I had agreed to take on the responsibility of their welfare. They didn't have to take it. They could, at any time, walk out the door and talk to whomever they damn well pleased. But, doing so would mean that I was no longer responsible for them.

But, it also hasn't been an either/or proposition. It's a spectrum beyond hexidecimal rather than a binary solution set.

If she (and only ever a she, sorry fellas), needed that extra protection, then it was my duty to give it to her. And if she didn't, then that was one less worry.

Or, if she needed to PRETEND to need my permission in order to fend off the unwanted advances of some little prick that couldn't understand that her polite "no, thank you" meant "fuck off," then it was my duty to have her back and step up to also pretend that she needed my permission even if she didn't. (Although, naturally, later she would be punished for putting me in that position without warning me.)

***shrug***

I'm not prepared to hazard a guess just whose profiles you might have been flipping through, or who may have told you that, or just where on the possible spectrum (which are just as wide and varied as the number of couples practicing) that any or all of them may fall. It would be disrespectful of me to presume to tell them how they could do what they choose, or how they choose to give the submissive the added tool in their arsenal to tell someone they don't want to deal with them that they aren't interested in being fish-in-a-barrel-wank-fodder.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • May 5, 2019

I feel that there are two sides to stating to ask premission to speak anothers sub. And yes it is about TRUST and RESPECT either way.

Lets start in my case, while i m allowed to talk to anyone i chose in open chat. I am not allow to talk privately to other Doms ( bond, emails, ect). And also if i am sent a message depending on many things i am allowed to to handle it as i see fit. ( as in telling them nicely they need to speak to WOLF first or just tell them off myself). To me this shows to TRUST that WOLF has in me and the shared RESPECT we have for our relationship. .

As far as those subs that have been told that they cant talk to ANYONE( to include OTHER SUBS ) which i have ran into a few. I think that side of this is a dangerous thing. It is a making it so the said sub is pulled away for thier community . Now where to turn for help, leaarning , or even basic friendship. Which is the same as those when in a vanilla relationship that isolate them from family and friends in order to control who and what is in their life. And to hide any danger / abuse that may be gping on ( or will be) . i have found in both worlds that this is some times the first steps or signs to an abusive relationship.

There fore in this case there is no TRUST OR RESPECT

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • May 5, 2019

"It's just weird."

Dude... we're part of a community that electrocutes and whips each other for funsies. 'Weird' isn't a factor here.

Bunnie • May 5, 2019

@ Darrell,

I have seen this quite a bit within the M/s community... sometimes it’s considered etiquette that no one approaches or speaks to a slave without permission and vice versa... for any variety of possible reasons (could be punishment or part of their own personal protocol... kind of like not touching someone else’s property without permission).

On here, things just become trends. For example... the names in the collar section... a year ago, that hardly existed, and now it’s considered “etiquette.”

I don’t personally see it as a lack of trust. Many new subs find it difficult to ask someone to leave them alone and can often find themselves in awkward situations because they’re unable to say no or stand up for themselves, so they like having the security of having someone that others have to answer to first.

Then there’s also the people who’s information, although mostly well intentioned, isn’t the most well informed knowledge being shared... or may contradict how the Dom/Master is trying to teach their sub/slave.

And then of course... there is the poachers... that’s not a lack of trust in the sub... that’s an awareness of the skill of some of these people to be able to manipulate.

MasterBear​(other butch) • May 5, 2019

This isnt about trusting your partner.

Its another negotiation that reinforces a person's dynamic.

It also has roots in tradition.
My love and I do not have this requirement.

HOWEVER

As often as she is approached by inappropriate d-types looking to get a free spread eagle picture I often times we wonder whether or not I should instigate it

notsounsureanymore​(sub female) • May 5, 2019

I think it depends on why they’re doing it.
If a sub isn’t allowed to speak to people in order to keep themselves isolated then in my opinion that’s wrong.
However, I do think (topic of conversation dependent) that it’s respectful to ask to speak first — although actually I think this works both ways. I’m not currently with anyone but wouldn’t want a sub contacting my Dom without checking with me first again, topic dependent, if they want advice or just a general chat then fine. My experience seems to suggest that most people who make contact normally ‘want’ something other than friendly small talk.