How do I know

How do I know

dragonbaby​(sub female) • Aug 3, 2019

I found someone I connected with right away. I also found others that I was talking to in order to see if there was a connection. How fast is too fast? How much responsibility to I have in those earlier stages regarding informed consent when speaking with others. The sir I found the connection with isn't pushing and I am very intrigued by our conversations so far.

I also had someone want me to promise to consider him as a protector right off the bat. I'm nervous about that as I would consider someone only after I had developed a real trust and foundation as a protector. Thoughts?

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Aug 3, 2019

From my experience as a Dom with a large number of subs and potential subs over the last decade (I am poly and encourage an atmosphere of exploration, so some of my connections are short and sweet, others are lasting and profound), a slow burn is generally the way to go. With today's information saturation, it is no great feat to develop a 'script' that hits all the key points and impresses in short term. As kink dynamics run on trust, patience, and communication, I would say it is generally a good rule to think about how slowly you would normally want to take things, then go one step slower, especially with potentially dangerous pursuits like edgeplay, or deeply meaningful connections like a Daddy Dom, or Protector. These roles are not to be taken lightly and come with a great deal of responsibility, and it is just too easy nowadays for someone with ulterior motives, or a simple lack of conviction, to write a blog that moves the soul, or have a conversation where they say all the right things. As any good Dom will test you, so should you test any Dom. A good Dom's number one priority is the sub, they will not mind going at your pace.
Hope this helps.

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Aug 3, 2019

In the same way we know that something isn't quite right and should run to the hills, we know when something is possibly right and should consider going further. Trust your instinct. You're sensible...use your head and the heart will follow. Good luck x

dragonbaby​(sub female) • Aug 3, 2019

My thoughts exactly delly. I'm no dummy, but I am hesitant to believe I found a person in the first day. We've had a face chat and I loved everything about it. Thought about him all day. A little apprehensive, but more excited than that. I hope this is that kind of luck.

The Maestro • Aug 3, 2019

I would say trust your instinct but also converse with others . Words are easy . Consistent action is not . Also enjoy your journey getting to the destination. Be safe

dragonbaby​(sub female) • Aug 4, 2019

Thank you Maestro

The Maestro • Aug 4, 2019

Your welcome Mary

ALittleLove​(sub female) • Aug 4, 2019

Personally, not knowing the specific person or about their sincerity, I would be very leery (cautious due to realistic suspicions) about someone who didn't know me... telling me to blindly trust them for no reason right away. They should know that trust is something they have to earn, it's not something you can just project onto someone.

You could be the most kind, loving, trust-worthy person in the world but I would NEVER instantly trust anyone, their motives, etc. This is just me personally.

Don't let anyone bully, force or pressure you into anything. You're in charge of who you trust and who you CHOOSE to submit to. They can't TAKE your submission, it's a gift from you to them.

No Body​(dom male) • Aug 4, 2019

It took about a week for me to know that I wanted this woman in front of me till I draw my last breath. I would say follow your heart but mine has lied to me. A step at a time and get to know him and what he wants and stands for. You will know a man more by talking to him about nothing at all than just getting a resume. Talk about movies books what things interest you and make you happy. Find common ground and work on that. As for the guy who wants to be a protector ....... well let's face it not all villains wear black and not all heroes wear white. A protector is someone who will be there for you even when you call them up at 4 am and just want to talk about the bug you had to kill by yourself. It takes time to know he can be the one you need not just someone who is looking to get into your panties.

dragonbaby​(sub female) • Aug 5, 2019

thanks everyone! i know i might need that someday, a protector, but i'll need time...you're right!