Looking for Guidance

Looking for Guidance

VenSanity​(sub male){I’d love t} • Aug 29, 2019

Hello,

I am a submissive male looking for guidance or someone to talk to.

I have no experience in the lifestyle so I’m in need of a little guidance.

I filled out my profile so there is a lot of info about me there.

I’m just tired of not being myself.

MsHaven​(dom female) • Aug 29, 2019

I’ve read your profile and would be happy to answer some of your questions.

No Body​(dom male) • Aug 30, 2019

Oh yes I miss collarMe so much. I was on for 2 years before the shut down. Wish I could find a place like it. Now I have been in a marrage where I was unhappy because I could not be what I needed to be. Took years to get to where I could be and I was happy for once. Things changed I have a great woman now but back where I have to hide what I am again but just for a short time.
My best advice is be free and get happy. Your life will never change till you make it change. How you do it is not easy and it is all up to you. I did it as many others and I know you can. Find someone worth your time and love. Give your all to her and never look back. Easy to say but not easy to do or find. Just keep looking and she will find you in time. Till then keep asking questions and talking to us it is the best way to learn and meet people.
Be well and stay safe.

Re: Looking for Guidance

Miki • Aug 30, 2019

The very first response was from a dom female.. You hit the jackpot, my friend!

dollMaker​(dom male) • Aug 30, 2019

The significant other who is vanilla and doesnt understand is common, kinksters who have left marriages because of incompatibility is sadly common.

My advice is stop what you are doing here, or elsewhere and try and have that chat with your wife again. Try to in as unthreatening away as possible introduce her again to the simple not as scary elements of what you are into need. Do it gently, with care and love. There are books and web articles out there aimed at how to introduce a vanilla partner to kink. Surely worth another try?

If you dont try that you will never know if its possible to have some or all of what you need, would like. You say you tried once before and it didnt go down well. I would try again because once you start down the road with someone not your significant other and if thats discovered.... well a lot of pain and hurt will be the result.

I am not going to judge, or throw the cheating is a consent violation at you ( though it is) because being unhappy is something no one should be, but making someone else unhappy to get that happiness isnt a great thing to do. You say you dont want a dominatrix, so from that I assume you want a lifestyle domme, rather than paying someone for the service ( though some dominatrixs are lifestyle dommes as well) which is fair enough, but I will say that the number of male subs seeking same is huge and being realistic even if you werent married, which will put many off, finding 'the domme' is going to take a long time.

In the meantime I would research as much as you can about the lifestyle, submission and what dominance is and isnt, and the various activities, there are plenty of great books, websites and you tube channels and doing that research is not a bad thing to do before you try and have that talk again because being educated about this might help that talk.

If your idea of asking questions is playing with someone, or play I would not do it. You can learn plenty without play. I say this simply because once you start down that path it will be too late to try and have that talk with your wife, try and work a female lead head of household dynamic or whatever type of dynamic you would like on a foundation of having played elsewhere first, without your significant others consent.

I know this is complicated and no one on this thread knows the ins and outs of your situation but avoiding breaking hearts, all round, is always preferable, if possible.

I wish you the very best.

Miki • Aug 30, 2019

Sorry, forgot that little detail..... Best Wishes and you have a confidential friend in me:

Meaning; "PM me anytime!! I will repeat NOTHING.

VenSanity​(sub male){I’d love t} • Aug 30, 2019

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Aug 31, 2019

Jump in the waters fine. You'll also find it less deep and dark if you ask questions. Join in on the boards. Get involved, question what interests you, stand out for the right reasons. Your honesty is refreshing, its a good place to start being the person you wish to be. Best of luck. Hope to read more from you on the boards.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Aug 31, 2019

Hello and welcome,

Feel free to dm me with questions.

Being new is a great time of exploration and fun!

eeyoreears​(switch female) • Sep 1, 2019

Well hello there I read your profile and you sound really nice. I would love to chat with you if you would like to send me a message