Very new and confused

Very new and confused

zash • Jan 15, 2020

Hi everyone .
Is just a question that is eating my brain the last few months. I am not sure even if I am submissive. I am in control on my everyday life and work and there is people ( women and men) that work under my guidance . I love control but in the same time I wonder how would it feel to let it go ! Normally I am very disciplined and when I think that the guidance given to me is worth it I follow completely , but is always coming from person who I respect a lot and trust professionally. Sexually I have never been dominated , but I would like to try , so I would know if it’s something that appeals to me . I don’t think that I would be able to submit in my day life to the orders of someone , never tried it .
My question is how can I try and find out if is just the sexual dominance that I would like or all of the package ? As well how would I know if I would like to dominate or been dominated ? Where is the best place to try and which are the first steps I need to follow ?

I would be very thankful for any comments and advises , that would help me to understand and know the situation .

Thanks everyone !

Alex

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Jan 15, 2020

Real life experience is kind of the only “definitive” answer BUT it’s worth reading forums posts, blogs and blogs from submissive online (there are a few I like if you’d like them) as it will at least give you an idea of what it generally means to be submissive.

My warning would be is submissive is just an encompassing title cause for every dynamic it means something different and it changes and evolves. But also it’s important to know are you just looking for and that’s where reading and researching might answer some general questions for you.

But munches are the best places for in person information and to meet people and sometimes they have classes and info sessions. I haven’t been to one cause I’m waiting till I move and settle in my new area to try and go.

But also everyone here is generally very helpful and informative so read and ask

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Jan 15, 2020

A large number of submissives, myself included, hold jobs of power and leadership. Having to be in charge all day is part of the reason we long to be able to let go of the reigns in our personal life. I enjoy my role in my career very much and wouldn’t want anything else, but I don’t want to have to lead and direct the man in my relationship too. Also, your reference to being able to follow someone who has earned your respect and trust is exactly what submission is. You shouldn’t ever submit to someone who you don’t deem worthy to dominate you.

There are many relationships that practice D/s in the bedroom only and not 24/7 so that may be something that suits you.

Like the poster above me said, experience is really the only way to know if the lifestyle is right for you. But more than that, I’d say that even if you didn’t enjoy one BDSM experience doesn’t mean you wouldn’t enjoy another. Being dominated means many things. Mostly though, it just means giving control to the other person. You may not like what one Dom does with that control while you may love what another does.

So my advice is to read first. Read blog posts, read erotic novels, read BDSM guides, read anything you can find. Try to get an idea of what intrigues you and then once you do, you can branch out to munches or online chatting with Doms. Take it a step at a time. No rush to jumping headfirst into being tied up in someone’s basement (don’t worry, extreme example lol).

zash • Jan 15, 2020

LaVieEnRose,
Thank you so much for your advise. I will look the blogs you liked and suggested . I checked for some Munches in my area but I couldn’t find any , apart of one in London that have no event coming soon. There is some clubs that I have found but I am hesitant of the rules in this kind of Clubs and also maybe little bit scared to go in straight there.I am not sure about the difference between real Club and Munches ? But I agree that probably the best way to find out would be in real life meeting and experience .

Once again thank you 😊

Alex

zash • Jan 15, 2020

Thank you so much for your reply. This clears a lot of my questions regarding the willingness to give control to someone else and the reasons behind it.Thanks again 😊

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Jan 15, 2020

Submissive Guide is a GREAT online blog that I found from here

LaVieEnRose

zash • Jan 15, 2020

Found it Thank you 😊

NCarraway​(dom male) • Jan 15, 2020

Hello Zash,

I feel I have something to add here.

You may find that an online or real-life relationship or play partner does help you discover what it is that ticks your boxes, but I suspect, from what you have said, that you are not quite at that stage yet.

As you mentioned munches are a fantastic way of meeting other kinksters in a vanilla friendly, non-threatening and no-hookup way. The midlands has a vibrant kink scene with many many munches from small to large. The Birmingham mid-week munch is the first Wednesday of the month and is a sizable one. I know TexasPete and can put you in touch with the team if you'd like.

Excerpt here:
Welcome to the Birmingham Mid Week Munch! Now in its bajillionth year, it is held on the first Wednesday of each and every month. The host team have been welcoming kinksters for nearly 15 years and our attendees come from all walks of life and a huge range in age; what they all have in common is their interest and participation of the Birmingham (and wider Midlands) kink community.
Numbers tend to fluctuate between 40 to 70 (occasionally more!) depending on time of the year, but it’s always friendly, vibrant and welcoming. We’ve enabled the beginnings of many, many kink journeys as we welcome newbies into our community - munches are a wonderful place to make new friends; friends who will happily assist your engagement with the local kink community, advising on such things as which events might be just your cup of tea, and how to keep yourself safe.
The pub serves a fine selection of real ales, speciality spirits, tea, coffee and food. Having said that we often have homemade cake on offer courtesy of a couple of talented and generous bakers in our midst.
There is a hosting team - headed up by Kali, who has run the munch from its inception, she is enabled by a fabulous team of co-hosts including the delicious Amysub86, the lovely Vanilla-Pod and the unpredictable texaspete.
We’re happy to welcome newbies to the event, just hit up one of the munch team if you have any questions.
All (over 18's) are welcome - irrespective of age, gender, sexuality, orientation or kink. Please note this is a ‘vanilla’ (ie, non-kink) venue so please, NO fetish wear, no toys and no play. The pub staff are very welcoming, they deserve our respect by not imposing our lifestyle on them without their consent.
The pub is The Old Contemptibles, 176 Edmund Street, Birmingham, West Midlands, B3 2HB - it’s just 25 metres from Snow Hill Station and a short walk from New Street Station. There is roadside parking nearby which is free after 7.30 pm. We are usually loitering around the bottom of the stairs just inside the side entrance on Edmund St.

I am told that there are events going on in the wider midlands many times every week. You can probably find munches ranging in size from 5 up to this big one (above), you may also be able to find more specific niche events. I'd suggest, since you are less certain at the moment, that a general munch of a reasonable size (say 10+ attendees) is a great first step to get lots of different viewpoints. If you contact the organisers ahead of time they can answer any specific questions about the munch and they may also run a meet-and-greet service. Either way if you flag up you being interested I am sure they will look after you. Munches survive on newbies so it is in their interest to make you very welcome. If you would like general advice on munches then do reach out to me on here. I agree that it might be a good idea to postpone eventing until you have a kink social support network in place. Other midlands munches I can quickly identify:

Leamington Spa: Jan 14th
Mosely: Jan 15th
Wolverhampton: Jan 20th
Coventry: Jan 21st
Birmingham Midweek: Feb 5th (see above)

Going to your first munch can be a daunting and nerve ridden experience for many. However, if you can get over the threshold and into your first munch you will find that its populated by real people, living their life and getting their kink on at the same time. Munches are friendly, vibrant and welcoming communities. Unpleasant and creepy characters do not survive in a munch environment for long so you will find it a relatively safe space compared to an online forum such as this. Once you have been to your first munch nerves will subside and you will have access to a whole new community with which to build friends with similar interests. Being part of your local social scene will give you a different perspective on what kink can be to you.

I hope this helps. Carraway.

NCarraway

zash • Jan 15, 2020

Hi
Thank you so much for the information . I will definitely look at it .I will be very thankful if you put me in a contact with the person you mentioned so I could ask what should expect , as would be my first time , along with the time that the event start and etc...
thanks again is really very helpful information

Alex