Responsibility

Responsibility

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Mar 26, 2020

Disclaimer: I'm writing this from the perspective and world-view of an alpha male hetero dominant, in a TPE 24/7 RL live-in relationship. If that's not your reality, that's OK. Your mileage may vary. I don't mean to disparage any other lifestyle and I'm not saying this is the "Right Way(tm)" for everyone, so please don't take it that way.

Scratch any true dominant and what you'll find underneath is responsibility. And if you like you can stop right there.

He understands fundamentally that whatever he asserts his control over becomes his responsibility. If things go badly, it may not be his fault, but it's always his responsibility. Consider the captain of a ship, who turns command over to an ensign, and then retires for the night. The ensign makes an error, and runs the ship on a reef. Was it the captain's fault? Not he was not at the conn. But, it *is* his responsibility.

This isn't really something that's learned, nor is it something that the dominant does. No, it's what he is, it's an innate and inseparable part of him. And this concept is what separates him from the "wanna-bees", or the "tryto-bees". The bees want all the benefits of dominance, without paying the price, or handling the responsibility thereof. This makes them dangerous to the submissive community.

Any fool can go to a pet store or shelter, acquire an animal, and take it home. But does he have the knowledge and diligence to care for it? To help it to grow, to flourish and thrive? Or does it keep it merely surviving, or worse let it die from neglect, abuse, or simply failing to understand its needs? Was it sick when he acquired it? Did it need special care? A dominant would look into these. A "bee" would only be happy to take the poor thing home and capture it for a time.

A dominant can best be judged not by what he says, but by what he does, and by the scars he leaves behind. He has a strict code of priorities:

1. Her needs
2. His needs
3. His wants
4. Her wants.

And, he has the wherewithal to distinguish between the wants and the needs.

He has high standards for the girl(s) under his care. He doesn't expect perfection, but best effort to comply, grow, and become more confident. He understands her limits and helps her to push past them. He also understands her limitations and respects them. He understands the difference between a limit and a limitation. The former being: "I don't want to be tied up", the latter being "I can't fly by flapping my arms". The one limitation he must never violate is the limitation of trust. Once that happens, very often the relationship fundamentally changes, and may not be reparable.

Since he is the one calling all of the shots, and she must submit to his will, the responsibility falls directly and totally on his shoulders. Her health, mental, emotional, spiritual and physical are his responsibilities now. He may command her to quit her job, in order to care for his household. That is his right, but he is now responsible for replacing those lost funds and ensuring her financial security. He may command her to stop contact with her friends, again his right, but now he must replace the emotional support.* Is she religious? He must respect that. Does she have an underlying medical condition? He must provide proper medical attention for her. With each command given, internalized by her, and obeyed, she draws deeper into her submission to him, trust and faith in him is gained, little by little. Here a little, there a little. He understands and respects that it doesn't happen overnight, nor in a matter of a few weeks, but over a lifetime. Trust and faith are like muscles -- if you don't exercise them, they fade away and atrophy.

One may wonder, rightfully, why on God's green Earth, anyone would want this considering the level of responsibility required. The answer is simple: there is nothing like holding the reins of power. The control that he has over her centers his life, (hers as well, but that's another post). When she obeys, it's one less thing for him to be concerned with. She learns to obey instinctively and without question. In rare circumstances, this may even save her life, and he knows that too.

It's ALL about the responsibility

---

* If he expects her to get all such support solely from him, that's a big RED FLAG that he's not a dominant, but a narcissistic, sociopathic predator, and not a dominant at all -- she should get out while she can.

Miki​(masochist female) • Mar 26, 2020

Windy bastard, aren't you? (kidding)

Good post. A lot of hairy handed gents could learn from you.

Personally I like it rough and temporary but still-and-all, you're a good guy.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Mar 26, 2020

Miki,

~chuckle~ I suppose I am. Glad you liked it.

Bunnie • Mar 26, 2020

@ skyrich,

I really love this, and couldn’t agree more... thank you.

You’ve also helped to clarify something that the man I’m speaking with has often said to me in our time of getting to know each other. I always struggled when I did something wrong and he took responsibility for it, because I never understood what he meant by doing that... even with him explaining... I never truly understood. It often felt like he was simply “letting me off the hook,” and it frustrated me that it seemed like he wasn’t making me take responsibility for my behaviour.

This so beautifully clarifies what it is he’s been saying all this time... and reading this makes me further understand his truly amazing character.

It’s so difficult to explain to newbies the characteristics of what makes someone an amazing example of this lifestyle. This definitely helps.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Mar 26, 2020

This is one of those posts that I read, and didn't realize it was something I needed to read.

Thank you for that!

almostpeachy​(sub female) • Mar 26, 2020

Love this.

Sammi Babi UwU​(sub female) • Mar 26, 2020

Thank you for such a beautifully written post.

Miss Magdalena​(sub female){FreeSpirit} • Mar 26, 2020

Such a fantastic post, thank you!

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • Mar 26, 2020

@ Bunnie,

You're welcome, I'm gratified it was helpful for you; that you gained some clarity from it. Thank you for the kind words.

@ TheChimera, almostpeachy, Sammi and Miss Magdalena

You're quite welcome, and I thank all of you as well.

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Mar 26, 2020

Totally one of the best contribution I have read.

''He understands the difference between a limit and a limitation.''

I have never thought about this and I honestly had a lightbulb moment
Thank you