Ranting

Re: Ranting

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Apr 26, 2020

Not making a judgement of right or wrong here.

i read this when you first wrote it, was going to reply, then didn't. But it keeps coming back to me, so i guess i need to respond lol.
This seems like more than a "rant" to me? Which again, is not to say "good" or "bad," just trying to place it. When i think about it, a couple of things strike me. One is, it seems to be a public message to one or a few specific people? Calling some people out; not by name, but if they read this, they'll know who they are. Which got me wondering why you would choose this method to respond to their behavior vs private?

my instinct is because you haven't felt heard trying to communicate one on one with the people you have in mind, so you took it public, while protecting the identity of the person/people you are talking about? To me this seems a way to not only be heard, but also garner some affirmation as well? i know sometimes when someone calls me a name or labels me, i can feel like what they called me, even if cognitively i think otherwise. I.e., if someone calls me a "bitch," my almost immediate response is to question myself and wonder if i am being a bitch (that's me, not projecting myself here). Feelings are strange and powerful that way, and they don't always align with our reasoned view of ourselves, so even if i may think: "hey, i'm not being a bitch here," that may not always change my feelings.

i wonder if that is a thing with submissive personalities, maybe more so than with Dom personalities? Idk, but it seems to me that if a sub is more prone to question their self, it could be a reason why some Dom's are inpatient? i think you may nail it when you identify "grown" as a factor. I.e., if a Dom does not naturally relate to the self doubt a sub might feel when questioned by a Dom, it may be a question of their maturity and understanding?

i have experienced what some Dom's perceive as resistance, especially early on during the 'vetting' process, is really the subs need to establish trust before submission?

i also think that chemistry figures into the vetting process as well. Another thing i attribute to immaturity is the notion that a sub is supposed to submit to every whim and desire of a Dom. That's a tricky one, at least as i see it. To me the D/s dynamic, is a process, not an all encompassing place of arrival. That is, i see Domination/control and subsequent submission as an ongoing relational process, not a one time decision, a continuous dance. So, where a Dom may not control today, a Dom may control tomorrow. Or conversely, where a sub may not submit today, they may submit tomorrow.

i think part of maturity, on both sides, is understanding that no two people will ever have 100% chemistry. That there will be areas where there isn't connection or bonding. i think chemistry is so often missed when trying to establish or maintain a relationship. i believe connection and bonding (bondage?) is a natural process, not a forced process. That it is a matter of two opposites (just like ions in nature) attracting and bonding. With that belief, i think it makes perfect sense to take time "feeling [each other] out."

No Body​(dom male) • Apr 26, 2020

Coming from a pervy old man it is wrong that when a "dom" just thinks he can jump in and take you over. I have seen it wat to many times and it makes finding your one so much harder. I all for play time hell I love it when she tells me how great it was. Then you have these guys that play is all they want. Cool be upfront and honest. I came here looking for friends and found something so much more but I was not looking. Some of the greatest treasures are the ones you never look for but find you.

blue fluffy bunny​(masochist female) • Apr 26, 2020

@tallslenderguy I decided to leave them anonymous only because if they are one way to me doesn’t mean they are like that with someone else, maybe they’re having a bad day? Maybe we just wasn’t a fit and that pissed them off? Who knows but I’m just the type of person to handle situations certain ways that I see most fitting at the time. And what was going on wasn’t a vetting process it was straight bow down do what I say now, I am no ones right now and if our connection is not there and we haven’t even made a solid conversation why would I bow down? There is someone for everyone and some need to know and not act an ass .

hopefulbabygirl​(sub female) • Apr 26, 2020

I’m getting a lot of messages that immediately jump into sex and get graphic and I’m like “WOAH! Not cool” usually I just politely say thanks but no thanks

blue fluffy bunny​(masochist female) • Apr 26, 2020

That’s how it is with me. I don’t mind submitting but to the right dom you know.

Dellydoodah​(neither female) • Apr 26, 2020

Loving the rant, been called all sorts of names too etc etc because I wanted to do things slowly, what sensible person wouldn't?
What I do know is that there are lots of good people here ..so hang in there...
I think this lock down has brought a lot more people here … nuff said

blue fluffy bunny​(masochist female) • Apr 26, 2020

Thank you so much

petiteluna​(sub female) • Apr 27, 2020

Here, here! Then if you try to ignore them after they insult you, or clearly aren’t answering your questions and just want to word vomit what THEY want only, you’re an asshole for “ghosting.” ‍♀️

Luckily, the idiots vet themselves out quickly! They can’t hide their true intentions.

blue fluffy bunny​(masochist female) • Apr 27, 2020

Omg right I try my best not to be petty you know but like come on lol.

muñequittta​(sub female) • Apr 27, 2020

basically my first day i get hit with a ton of messages, and its so overwhelming and just doesn't make BDSM look good as a whole. im glad i stuck it out though cause there are still guys out there who do seem to have concern for my safety. it was only a handful but there, were some guys telling me to block some, or to be very careful. now im seeing all these girls go thru it too, and take their stand as well! just makes me feel better about ignoring a lot of the messages i get. its just too much when im still trying to get comfortable with my role and this world in general!