Why are men scared?

Why are men scared?

curiousandconfused • May 26, 2020

Yes, i am new here. But i have to ask: if u tell someone over text (because, that is how it starts), what you want, what u fantasize about, is it always lies? I didnt think so until tonight....had a guy come over...been talking to him for a few weeks....told him i loved spankings....he seemed to be into it for a bit...then he completely fled the scene....seriously, you would have thought the police were on his ass. I am always honest. I believe that to be the foundation of any relationship; whether intimate or friendship.

Is it really so hard for individuals to be honest?

sellmysoul​(switch male) • May 26, 2020

Maybe he liked the idea of it

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • May 26, 2020

It sounds like he had other things going on that he didn't tell you about. I would take time to consider how long you knew him and your familiarity level with eachother before starting anything. If it's a new aquaintance, or someone you are not very familiar with, then maybe he is unsure of the whole situation..... ?
It doesn't necessarily mean he is being dishonest, but maybe not totally forthcoming with how he feels.
Also, don't forget...... they are human. Subject to the same emotional range you have. They just express it differently.

KingDom​(dom male) • May 26, 2020

Ask him. Whether it’s a good or a bad scene, there should be a scene recap.

Perhaps the chemistry or energy wasn’t there for him to do that with you, or there wasn’t enough “build up“ or trust.

*I won’t be alerted of replies.

FloraDragon​(dom male){Roaming Wi} • May 26, 2020

Maybe he thought you were going to spank him......

Re: Why are men scared?

Richard Girard • May 26, 2020

He did not even have you stand or kneel in the corner for a while ?? Must of been new to him, did not know how to follow up. Meet for lunch or dinner a few times before having someone know where you live.

dollMaker​(dom male) • May 26, 2020

I suspect years of social, and or religious conditioning kicked in, 'hitting women is wrong', and those feeling overwhelmed him with self loathing, hatred that he enjoyed it etc, and leaving was easier than melting down over it. There is a lot of pressure, often self created to be the strong alpha no emotions type and looking weak, struggling over stuff like this ruins the subs ideal of how a dom should be, destroys the energy and maybe even the subs ability to submit to that dom. That is loaded with potential difficulty, but thats a whole topic unto itself.

In my early days, when I was more into traditional bdsm, I struggled over my enjoying using toys, or my hand on a subs body. It did not matter that the sub consented, that both of us wanted the activity, the voice that screamed loudly was the one that condemned me for inflicting impact, pain on a woman, I was a monster because I enjoyed it, I was one of those men.

Of course this was all self generated bs, I was not one of those men, but the struggles, the challenges were very real and to a degree paralysing. It took me a long time to relax, and allow myself to enjoy that type of play, to know it was ok, to reconcile the social conditioning to the subs desire to experience the impact, pain, their consent for it.


I never fled a scene but I can see how someone might. I was vulnerable and open about my struggles and that for me, helped, I felt it important to be honest and frank about these struggles, and those early days subs helped me chart these feelings, thoughts, emotions. In those early days guilt and self loathing came along with dom drop, which was hard enough to deal with, but with help and support I was able to become more at ease with myself and what I was doing, and in time it was ok to enjoy it.

Of course none of the above in this case may apply, but it just might, so some understanding and sympathy might be better than annoyance. I would ask what happened and see if there is enough in your connection to help this person to chart their own path through their struggles, if that is the case. If you dont want to do that, thats fair, and doesn't make you a bad person. For myself I am very grateful to those early subs in my journey, who gave me a chance, and helped me through my struggles.

Bunnie • May 26, 2020

I tend to agree with dollMaker on this one. In fact I think he absolutely nailed it.

Social conditioning can be a very difficult hurdle for men to overcome to embrace this aspect of themselves. It breaks my heart to watch this struggle. It makes it even more difficult because there is then the added pressure of being expected to “take charge” from the moment they step into this realm. There’s a lot of hidden pressures that exist I think, and at times I feel sadness at the unfairness of it. However, we each have our struggles. Anyway... my point is, as pointed out above, this felt to me too that this could be the struggle he’s experiencing internally, and it may be a difficult thing for him to admit to. I also agree that perhaps a little understanding from a perspective you may not have considered, could help to go a long way.

Sasa​(dom female) • May 26, 2020

why should men be less afraid than women? Be patient, probably he's simply new, liked it and backed out for a reason. If you have the possibility and he's a nice one, talk and try again. Unfortunately it's not always working between the kinky and the vanilla world, but there nothing to loose

NerdyViking​(dom male) • May 26, 2020

I’ll say this I respond to outside stimulus even during sex. Like I had a girl who liked being spanked hard like she had me take my belt off and spank her with it. My dog (who hates baths) climbed in the tub trying to hide from me because he thought I was angry. So it’s something I’m willing to do but not too crazy cause I’m not traumatizing my pet for my pleasure or yours. So maybe something in his head got to him and he was just not down for it anymore.