BDSM & Lifestyle & How it affects your Personality

BDSM & Lifestyle & How it affects your Personality

LuciferJA • Jun 24, 2020

Hey,

Questions for everyone:

1) What did BDSM improve in your personality, How did it happen & How long did it take you to realize that ?

2) How long you've been interested in this Lifestyle, who/what introduced you to it ? (A story would be interesting to read)

3) Do you think you will ever stop exploring and reach a level where you feel you are fully satisfied ?

Best Regards,
Joseph

bdhotnerd​(dom male) • Jun 24, 2020

1. Like with any time you think of an interest you want realized, you gain confidence in the support of close ones... Imagine your closest person is the person that regularly needs you to perform that interest? I found that it deeply enhances feelings I may be missing normally... Provides a lot of confidence, and makes me feel more genuine since it's kind of frowned upon in every day conversation, having an outlet to have that discussion makes me feel accepted, whole, and generally happier, leading to better social situations regardless of topic. It took me a while to realize, but mainly because I didn't know I was into BDSM for a while.... At first it was just "aw, blindfolds and handcuffs are just vanilla", but it transforms and molds until you realize it was a part of your personal development you were missing all along...

2. Ive been interested for probably what is now 8 years or so? I wasn't really introduced, I just kind of instigated it with a long term partner and got to evolve as a person from it... I've had 2 other partners since, 1 long term, 1 short term and I found it to be quite acceptable amongst what id traditionally call normal people. So, it just kind of became something I did regularly with each partner.

3. I don't know... I have been evolving very slowly, but that's also because you have to match your partner's speed, and I'm usually the one most interested in moving things forward. I worry about how far I would go if someone would let me... Right now, I aspire to do certain things that I haven't met a willing partner for, and I am trying to look for someone else in the kink interest field as we speak to maybe help with that fantasy, but who knows. Perhaps I complete that task, and I want to go even further.... It will take more time for me to get a better answer on that one...

Good topic!

lil'slut​(sub male){Collared} • Jun 24, 2020

1) It has definitely helped me with my temper, and given me a direction, rather She gives me direction. It helps me with high levels of stress. Sure there is floggers and paddles and toys, but for me a male sub, sometimes falling asleep in her arms is what I need.

2) Probably over 2 years now. We kind of fell into it. She has always been in charge her deminor was a turn on for me from the day we met. We where looking for something to spice up things, and one night we watched 50 shades, yes, I know now a horrible depiction of bdsm, but that got us thinking is there a reverse kind of play and we stumbled on to femdom and started researching on and off ever since.

3) I don't know, However I am fully satisfied with her. So how long it lasts is up to her. Pretty sure we will always atleast be in a FLR.

Bunnie • Jun 24, 2020

1) What did BDSM improve in your personality, How did it happen & How long did it take you to realize that ?

Patience, Verbal Communication and ability to be Vulnerable with another, would be the three biggest differences I’ve noticed.
It has simply occurred over a period of time, through putting in a lot of mindful, hard work, clearing out the cobwebs and re-learning how to trust.
I am terrible at recognising any significant shifts as they’re occurring. Hindsight is when I realise how far I’ve come. However I have also come to understand that improvement in these (and all) areas will always be an ongoing journey.

2) How long you've been interested in this Lifestyle, who/what introduced you to it ? (A story would be interesting to read).

I only became aware of this as a lifestyle, and the terminology of all the things I thought made me weird, about three years ago. Before that I simply had come to accept I was just different and would never be able to explore/express myself openly.

3) Do you think you will ever stop exploring and reach a level where you feel you are fully satisfied ?

This is a somewhat confusing question for me. I will never stop exploring... however, I don’t explore because I’m dissatisfied... I explore because I’m curious. I fully believe we can be satisfied and continue exploring until the day we die. How that may look may shift over time as our body changes... but I fully intend to keep my childlike curiosity of wondering what’s just around the corner

Taramafor​(sub male) • Jun 24, 2020

Let's call it what it really is.

Control.

You have to control the situation around you or it controls you.

I'm more aware. I'm capable. I'm able. Every bad situation I been in i never gave up. Not even once. And I always, and I do mean always, achieved my goals.

For example. Someone giving up on me over and over? I control that. We end up closer.

It's not that I "make" them. It's that it's the only possible outcome once concerns are addressed and it's made about fear, danger, how to avoid it and how to make each other happy by presenting the pattern that always works and leads to it. I know the "signs".

But it begins with danger. To be that good you have to be able to be able to talk someone out of suicide without telling them to put the gun down. You have to know how to listen to someone that says "They don't care" if they complain and vent in you, which is a contradiction. Challenge it. You have to know how to look for and find key words and phrases and correct people, even if they hate being wrong. But prove your logic works better and they won't have a choice to accept that.

Start with "Complaints about seeing other people" from a self harmer who is miffed. Who says "Whatever". A bad response to that would be "We already talked about this" and "Good".

Instead make it about "Jealousy" and "Talk about what they're afraid of".

On the VERY SAME DAY I gave that very simple and basic advice to someone (the other person, not the self harmer), they worked things out.

It is because of logic like this that I can guide others out of danger in various situations. And then lead them into the realms of ideas and entertainment. How to make the best of things. How to do it themselves. Leading by example even if on a leash.

Perhaps you have a partner who always gives up on you. Turned backs. Tossed aside. Because of their own fear, doubt and trust issues. But if you lead by that example, if you always keep both eyes open and know when to address a volatile situation and push for communication, they start to follow your example. The example they never tried to follow when they have an evasive nature. Preferably you learn from others how to handle potentially volatile situations. But you have to put yourself in situations you can't handle, you have to break to learn. And gain experience with how to handle situations. It's not enough to "just know". You have to "know how". That only really comes with experience for the first round or two. Then you know how to stay safe, remain safe and always be in control. Provided you made every attempt to analyse the situation and kept it in mind.

The biggest flaw is that people tend to flee from situations they fear easily due to one bad experience. Generalise. Instead of looking properly and being specific. Labels are most often excuses. Find "the situation". Analyse the "situation". That moment. That point in time. Where the concerns or happiness lies. Then adapt.

Just remember. It's about controlling each and every situation. Sounds overwhelming doesn't it? But there's a formula/pattern. More you keep doing it, less you think about it. More second nature it becomes. Now I don't even have to think about danger. I just "sense" it. Not the mistrust crap that many people have. Not the irrational fears. But the flawless logic that can't be faulted. Simple fact is, communication must be maintained. even if people don't like each other. Because there's something more important at stake. Understanding the "situation" and making sure neither of you are put in danger. You'll do it for others that are affected indirectly if not each other. From there it becomes possible to get on and from there it can build up. Even if before hand it seemed "impossible".

But when others say impossible I say "Denial" and "excuses". Fear is fear. Anger is a mask for fear. Losing yourself in happiness alone is avoiding fear. Which will lead to loss of control. And more then that lead to depression most likely. It's because of peoples "Self doubt". Telling themselves "They're doomed" or "That situation won't ever work" then finding out everyone else did the work for them. Showing a situation is possible when they thought otherwise.

And THAT is the one situation you have to know how to handle the most. Because at that point in time they's a good chance they might be calling themselves useless and curling up in a corner. And you have to know how to be harsh, firm and direct, just like with proper communication. While still paying attention to how to focus on guiding them towards fun and happiness in the situation. Approch, reasons and context will vary.

And if you're not a sun that knows how to do that, you could be a danger to the dom. Because even they will break at some point. In order to know one side of the fence you must know the other. Can the labels though. Make it about control. Not "doms, subs and BDSM". Make. It. About. Control. Just keep it honest and be upfront.