Submissive guy learning to submit.

Submissive guy learning to submit.

GagFan​(sub male) • Jul 30, 2020

Hey everybody I'm a young guy who likes to submit to men, and I would like to learn more about what being a good submissive involves. I'm willing to hear anyone's opinion both subs and Dom's. So if you could help me out by sharing what you know I would appreciate it.

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Jul 31, 2020

This is a very open-ended question, and you have to start somewhere. I guess the first thing you have to do is figure out where you fit on the spectrum. Are you a bottom, a sub, or more of a lifestyle submissive? How these apply to you can change over time with experience.

For instance, a bottom is likely to negotiate with a top to get what he needs out of the power exchange. A submissive is more driven to please another with aspects of bottoming in there as well. A slave, in my experience, has come to the realization that the only thing that matters is pleasing the Master, and even that itself is a long-term process. (it only took me 20 years...)

So, in a nutshell, being a good submissive to me, involves focusing on the Master's needs instead of your own and being respectful. Anything else the Master will most likely teach you because they all have different beliefs, desires, or protocols.

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 1, 2020

As valuable as your submision is, dont take it for granted. Know what you DONT like as well as what you do like

Miki​(masochist female) • Aug 1, 2020

... Well you said "anyone"-- so here's a tip you probably already figured out...

It's great to ask questions and you'll get good answers, I'm sure,

... But a post like that threw open the proverbial inbox door to every half-baked furry bear in the bloody place!

"Kaboom goes the Inbox"

OR:

"When it comes to the wilderness known as Social media, "Only You Can Prevent Inbox Fires!"

(Just a little hee-hee advisory.)

Not all are bad, but it only takes 2 or 3 in a small "room" to Hot-Box you, digitally speaking.

Otherwise, have fun, be safe, and be wise.

Re: Submissive guy learning to submit.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Aug 1, 2020

my take is similar to island girl and House Talion. As i see it, if you're sub, it's in your blood and submission happens in relationship, i.e., it's a natural response (at least it is for me). But as others have noted, the "how" part of that is individual, both for you and the Dom.

For me, submission (and dominance too for that matter), starts with looking and listening to the other. i'm (extremely at times) analytical because i want to understand (everything it seems lol). Some in the D/s community seem to adhere to a code, or rules of engagement, almost like it's carved in stone. Their behaviors, attitudes and actions seem to be a role to me, dictated by the definitions of how a Dom should act , or conversely, how a sub should act. i don't see a lot of that here or with more experienced D/s people. Some who have been living this for a long time may appear that way, but my read is they are often just self aware and know who they are and what they want so well that it can come across as written in stone (and may be for them).

The difference is, that is who they are, it's not a script they are following, and that's the person i am seeking out for a possible relationship. i say "possible" because the first thing i think any D/s relationship needs is two people who have at least some self knowledge/awareness. it also helps (rolls eyes here) if each knows how to articulate (a learned skill) who they are and what they need/want. It's my favorite drum beat in The Cage: "communication." i love how so many emphasize communication here, and i'd add an "amen" to that. To me, that is elemental, crucial to the D/s process.

For me, self knowledge and the ability to articulate is just a start though, determining the possibilities of connection. As i see it, the real D/s happens through shared/compatable "kinks." For me, "kinks" is just an umbrella term for needs/desires, and those are myriad. For instance, island girl notes Top and bottom. With rare exception, i'm a total bottom and know a D/s relationship with a Dom who is really into 'cock' is not going to work with us. It violates a part of who i am, even when it affirms the sub in me, when a guy Doms me into doing something that isn't a part of my make up. And to me, that is the crux of the challenge of finding a D/s mate, on either side of the coin.

To (way) simplify what i am trying to convey, say each of us has 100 kinks, and they are ranked in order of importance (again, this is way over simplified for illustration), To me, the key is finding someone with as many comparable kinks as possible, because those represent the places where we can Naturally connect and each of those compatible (corresponding) needs/desires naturally nurtures the others.

So, for me: "How to sub (or Dom)?"

1. Know thyself
2. Communicate
3. Compatibility