Sub Support

Sub Support

TalentedOptimist​(dom male){open} • Jul 31, 2020

Late post. Any submissive female business owners around here?

Just had a falling out because I refused to send additional funds. This woman makes more than I do. So let's try something different.

There are a bunch of grants available for female business owners, especially with COVID. Near overnight, female colleagues have asked me to help with child care, picking up kids and handyman stuff around the house. Finding out many agencies are shutting down or just not answering. And now I am noticing an EXPLOSION of women looking to be "live-in" slaves and dependents on here and other adult BDSM sites.

I enjoy being a dom, I do not enjoy being taken of advantage of financially or mentally. How about we give solutions to the environment many of us are living in? Instead of waiting for things to burn down then turning to BDSM as a save-all back up plan. I'm a human being, not a refuge with a dick shaped button you can push to get whatever you want.

Before you call me bitter or say I'm talking to the wrong women. Go read the first 5 pages of Submissive women looking for Dominant Men. Look at the rants. Understand my side before judging that it's entirely the dom's fault support and communication efforts don't work. Anyone else seen an increase in weird advances during COVID times?

Bunnie • Jul 31, 2020

No one enjoys being taken advantage of, I’m sorry to hear this attempt was made on you. It’s disheartening to say the least. Thank you for bringing it to awareness, we don’t hear enough how often it happens to Dominants.
Coming up with solutions as a community is a great idea!

My go to at any time I see struggles ahead is to automatically cut down my expenses. In my eyes, if I don’t have much going out... then I don’t have to stress as much about what’s coming in. It can be surprising all the little luxury things (like subscriptions) that can add up to a lot when you look at the overall picture.

I look forward to seeing what other suggestions come through

Sunshinegirl​(sub female) • Aug 1, 2020

I like lists so I’m going to answer this in list format

1)I can almost guarantee scammer subs won’t look on any website, especially a BDSM site, for advice on budgeting.

2) Desperate times such as a global pandemic and recession combo call for desperate measures, which include scamming naive people on the internet for “rent because I lost my job, but I’ll be a good girl/boy and do anything you want.” Sounds familiar?

3) NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER give anyone money via the internet. If you’re relocating a sub, I saw on this Dom’s profile that he expects her to get herself and all her stuff over to him on her dime. Once he picks her up from the airport, he would reimburse her for airfare and moving costs. I think that’s the only fool proof way of not getting taken advantage of.

4) You need to create boundaries with your colleagues. Have a conversation with them on how you feel, and if their response is explosive anger/trying to be manipulative, then you’ve exposed their true colors and they were never someone good for you anyways. A good colleague would understand your feelings and apologize.

In conclusion, put your foot down and don’t let people take advantage of you!!

House Talion​(dom male) • Aug 1, 2020

It's not the first time I've seen a Dom used. Even from my first day in the lifestyle before I started calling myself a Master I'd seen too many ppl wanting to be live-in. Pay their way to you, support their needs, and they'll submit. Presently said individuals are called fin-doms and prince/as. It's good to help those in need and better if you have the means to do so, but most of these ppl are in their situations by their own means of lack of trying to better themselves. Help those that are willing to try and have failed. I'll put it to you this way: theres plenty of families living off welfare, parent/s with too many children and unable to work or unwilling to take a job they consider beneath them for any reason. For this I say help the kids cause the parents chose to give the children this life. As for the ladies of submision, help as you can to those that have tried and failed and dont expect anything in return except the general understanding that you might've improved the community even in the slightest. Surebid love a live-in slave for whatever, but even without I put myself out there to educate all the newbs of all the ppl that make this community a bad place and how the newbs can change it to be their community

Aria Quinn​(sub female){collared} • Aug 1, 2020

I’ve been an at home/non incoming earning submissive for a consecutive 6 years (collective 10 year throughout the relationship), it’s irritating that some look at my lifestyle as an easy out or a cure all. As with all lifestyle decisions being and having a stay at home sub has its positives and negatives, for some my self included the positives out weigh the negative, but that’s not the case for everyone. It’s very presumptuous to think that all Doms want a stay at home sub or are willing to offer financial support to their sub (especially if they are not living together), because just like there are lots of subs that want to maintain their professional careers there are a lot of Doms that want their subs to have career ambitions. As with all areas of bdsm and life in general everyone has boundaries and goals and it’s about finding someone who respects your boundaries and shares your goals. If something were to happen yo my Dom I would look for another partner that wants an at home sub because I thrive in the home and my life is so much more fulfilling when domestic tasks and serving my Dom is my primary focus, and it bugs me that these subs that are taking advantage and looking for an easy out are making those of us that choose being at home as a legitimate lifestyle look bad not only to perspective Doms but to the whole community.

Bunnie • Aug 1, 2020

It saddens me for these girls... as someone who struggles to adult, I do understand the desperation in wanting to find a wing to huddle under. However, some people have learned that the only way to get ahead in life is to use people, and that breaks my heart for them... knowing the sad and lonely and painful journey ahead for them. But it is a lesson that must be learned, and life will teach it until they learn. That is where we all come in to help people understand there are always other options in life than only those we’ve always known.

body electric • Aug 1, 2020

.. can't get past 'dick shaped button' lol

Interesting.

Oh sorry.. yeah. I've noticed this just in general. Folks are getting what they can out of convenience. Taking advantage of whomever bc of hard times... Or whatever the story is.
Learn to say no, mean it, and don't feel bad... They don't feel bad exploiting your generous nature. It's ok to walk away.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Aug 3, 2020

i've had a sub nature that i can trace back to kindergarten. Gay, bottom with sub. Grew up and was conditioned by a particular religious culture that equated being gay with being "broken" and "sinful," so i spent a big part of my life trying to be someone i was not. i lived the 'traditional' married to a woman, breadwinner role. It was daily torture (not the good kind, for all you S/m's) and nearly destroyed me. Instead, turned poison into medicine and today i'm free, self accepting and at peace.

my former (and still religious) wife took everything (close to a 1m estate). It's ironic, because she and my kids feared and accused me of wanting to get a gay boyfriend and kick her to the curb, leaving her penniless and destitute. The reverse happened. After 31 years of marriage and being the sole support for this person, the system decided i owed her a living, so it was either give her everything or pay alimony for life. i'm not writing this for sympathy or to whine, i've moved on (though i confess this has left a scar), and rebuilt a life from scratch.

i've really wrestled with understanding this, how both she and my sons religious moral 'ethic' could see the wrong and implicate me because of fear that i'd take everything (i wouldn't have, to me 50/50 seemed the way to end things), then turn around and do exactly that. To add to the irony (for me) she currently does 'missionary work,' which translated means she spends most of her time in Israel doing what she loves. i'm non religious now, so it's almost comical (dark comedy) that she is doing her thing 'for God' funded largely from a lifetime of my labor, and it's a wonder to me that she doesn't connect those dots. She is not stupid, she's actually very intelligent (and perhaps weirdly to some, i still love this person). i'm fairly certain she does not see herself or her action as nefarious.

my guess is, she has just buried any reasoning and did all of this out of fear. She was accustomed to being taken care of, even to the point of entitlement, and was petrified of the notion of having to provide for her self (or trust her "God" to provide) . Don't get me wrong, she was never lazy, she cared for our kids, we home schooled both. We flipped houses, she did about 1/4 of the work, i did the rest while, also working as VP for company. When the kids left home at 17, i suggested she might want to go to school or start a business or get a job (i.e., contribute more), she declined and though it was a point of contention, she got her way. Personally, i have come to view a lot of her attitude a result of religious patriarchal conditioning.

There was a time in our relationship where i enjoyed being the provider, but that eroded over time as i realized my provision was no longer seen as a gift, but an expected entitlement. i went from feeling good as a giver, to feeling used- an income resource.

All of this has taught me, and burned something into me very deeply. i'm sub, but if a rich Dom came into my life tomorrow and wanted me to quit my job and live off His dime, i don't think i could do it. i get part of my sense of value by being independent first, freely being able to bring my self to the table of relationship, and being able to support myself is part of that.

Of course, i know that's me. i know there are people out there who want an arrangement where one supports the other (i've seen it reversed too, i.e., where Dom's use subs to provide income for them). If that fulfills a need, then i guess those people are getting a return. i don't equate or in any way associate my sub nature with needing someone to support me financially. i know from experience it's not for me, for me it was a destructive process that almost destroyed me. And, it's left me a little gun shy, probably overly cautious when someone approaches me showing interest: do they really want me, or just want 'someone' to support them?

Exquisite​(sub female) • Aug 4, 2020

Your post was curious to me and I decided to read your profile! Your profile in itself places you in the category of “call me for whatever”. I agree manipulative people are apart of life and this community is not an exception, however we all should check our home first to make sure we aren’t inviting the very things we don’t want to be apart of.

And to answer your first question, I am A successful business owner that’s Submissive

TalentedOptimist​(dom male){open} • Aug 4, 2020

@Exquisite I was asking because Visa had a 24k grant for qualifying business owners. but the time is up i think