Confused, Mono, message?

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Aug 31, 2020

While I agree with Miss Bonnie (and not to derail anymore) regarding the frequency of male submissives into this, I would urge you Adoring, to not limit it to male subs. I'm female and have been in sexless D/s arrangements with other women and know male/female Ds to do the same. Service for service's sake is fun (for example I like to bootblack. It's always sexy for me but it's an act of service I'll do on people I'm in a relationship with).

I agree that people need to be straight up about their relationship status. I have very few limits in my relationship and I hold firm that cheating is a deal breaker. I'm fine with poly relationships so cheating is a total breach of consent. If I see someone who says they're in a relationship and monogamous I almost immediately assume they are a hng looking to get their rocks off while the wife is doing dishes and putting the kids to bed.

shesosweet​(sub female) • Aug 31, 2020

Thanks for this I am glad to learn something new! Sexless D/s was not at all on my radar.

EclecticRhetoric​(dom male) • Aug 31, 2020

Good statement adorning. By the way I hope your doing well. For some strange reason seems I am blocked from communicating with you. Not sure why

To add my two cents

Bdsm to some people is a way of life. But to others it so not, in some marriages the other partner is not interested and sees it more as " team bowling".

They don't mind that their partner bowls they just have no interest in it. And in " team bowling" it is better to have a consistent partner you can trust opposed to just bowling with anyone hence. Monogomy in "team bowling " would be people who prefer to have only 1 partner.

Furthermore, we all can't be lucky to have a partner who is physically or mentally capable to experience bdsm. I for one had a girlfriend who experienced a traumatic event that prevented her her from engaging in any form of domination.

Not everyone here is looking to cheat , married or unmarried and this is a niche group so support and encouragement is needed in this small bubble we live in. I have spoken to many people who thank God they have an outlet to share their desires and aren't shunned or ashamed by their desires that don't fit societies constraints.

Thank you for taking the time to listen and this goes for everyone. We all my not agree on something but blocking someone you don't agree does not make your point right just means your too afraid to hear the other side.

Wakanda forever

shesosweet​(sub female) • Aug 31, 2020

I blocked you because you continued to email me after I didn't respond to your messages. I have no interest in debating the merits of who or how I decide to communicate interest in getting to know people.

And frankly, using a public forum to discuss this is wildly inappropriate and mildly manipulative, but fortunately I couldn't care less what you think of my decisions about whom I interact with.

As for this forum, and your post, I don't really see anything I disagree with per say...so. Yeah.

If you read some other responses earlier you will have seen that what this post is really getting at are the labels for relationships which are very limited and so, it's just not accurate for everyone.

There are only a few options to choose from is what I learned earlier. Great replies all day today!

If you attempt to continue a personal conversation with me in this forum I will report it to staff. I ask respectfully that you refrain. Thank you.

DrWakko • Aug 31, 2020

Like on any site you will find those who cheat. It doesn't matter what social media dating app it is. This site in my opinion did not give the right tools to the user so they can fully express and detail relationships and relationship statuses. Its been mentioned in above posts about non-sexual relationships. I have a Leather Brother, he is my best friend, it is very non sexual between us (unless you count jokes), but there is no relationship box for this.

I also see the argument that you aren't poly till you are in a poly relationship. I happen to believe that if you have a poly heart it doesn't matter how many people you are in a relationship with. It seems like there are a few who don't think they are poly unless the relationship is sexual.

I think people are also getting a little hung up on the profile thing. A profile is a good stepping stone to see if you want to talk or continue to talk to someone. If you see on their profile that they are in a relationship, but read further down that they would like a third or looking for a poly dynamic. I suggest either putting on your adult pants and start asking questions or feel that this profile is a red flag and move on.

Unless the mods on this site set up options where you can list relationships or what type of relationship/s you are looking for. The best thing to do is read profiles and ask questions. Not everyone will be on the same page, so either ask away or run away. Either way you made your choice about the person.

DW

shesosweet​(sub female) • Aug 31, 2020

Couldn't agree more!

Simply a question of why this mismatch and as it turns out, it's complicated by the limited labels.

I have no problem with profiles as a stepping stone but for such a simple aspect it seems the real adults would either accurately describe themselves or just leave it blank.

To your other point someone earlier did mention it to staff, about labels, maybe more than one person.

Ultimately we can find out what we need to know by asking but if it's an option to display readily this helps people.

DrWakko • Aug 31, 2020

Adoring you are on a site where guys are trying to get laid. The 9 inch equals 1 inch rule applies here. People will inflate their details and their experiences. The profile is now used for questions and see if what they are saying is true.

The other part is some people can look at sexual text based chat is just that. It’s not cheating if it’s text based. Others don’t look at it that way.

I personally think if you are here looking for a relationship and your profile says “my spouse doesn’t know” you should be ban. If you are here and the spouse doesn’t know but you are here to chat and make friends that’s another story but I’m ok with that.

shesosweet​(sub female) • Aug 31, 2020

Haha yeah. Well, that's not news at all to me I'm well aware. Many people are trying to get laid, women too.

Others, it seems to me many more, are looking for deeper connections.

You're right that people define cheating in their own ways but that really speaks to my point. If they are so confident that it's not cheating, then they would be able to share it with their partner or spouse no problem. If they don't, it is because they know it will be viewed as a violation of exclusivity in their relationship. Therefore, without honesty and consent, its not monogamous. It's a relationship, but not an exclusive one.

Words have meaning, definitions...they exist to describe a particular thing. The question is really why some people think you can say you are monogamous and not be.

But again, I don't really care about what people do or if they are banned or whatever, it's a free site. I just intellectually didn't understand the misuse of label and largely now have some other info I didn't know before.

It's been such an informative topic really way more than I bargained for! But that's a good thing mostly!

DrWakko • Aug 31, 2020

My reason for wanting cheaters ban is a D/s relationship is based around trust and respect for ALL in the relationship. If you can’t handle that basic fact you have no business here.

This site is a good stepping stone, but I always tell people to go to munches, go to their local events. It’s a lot harder to fit in when you have a bullshit game. Websites are easy to be anyone you want to be. You might want to be jack sparrow in chat, but if you ever go to a munch or event you better be yourself the people there will run you out. And by run you out I mean turn their back on you and ignore you. It’s a waste of their time.

emeX​(sub male) • Aug 31, 2020

Thank You MissBonnie. Your clarification of my attempt is greatly appreciated and humbling. Thank You.

One key point i failed to mention in my original post...which could have possibly helped...is that...

An important truth W/we should keep in mind is that most BDSM activity is indeed non sexual. One can easily make a list of a hundred popular BDSM activities & scenes without 1 having to do with sex. BDSM is mostly based on power exchange. Kink is mostly based on sex or non-conventional ways of going about it. Unfortunately, what i think has happened is that the line between the two has been blurred (in some people's eyes). Which is understandable, but incorrect imo.

Thank You.