My Predicament...

My Predicament...

jeborder​(dom male) • Sep 10, 2017

One of my biggest predicaments is actually finding a woman who is dominant. I've recently started accepting my kink to be submissive and give up all control (in my day-to-day life I tend to fit a slightly more dominant role but being taken control of by a woman just warms my heart and makes it skip a beat). Anyways, has anyone else had trouble finding a dom? After 6 months of searching it's starting to take a mental toll on me and I feel like trash. But ya, any thoughts are welcomed. Also, any doms looking for a sub should message me. Hope you're having a great day.

DrWakko • Sep 10, 2017

I suggest doing a google search for munches in your area. Get out there and meet people and you will find someone. Sites like this are great but chances of meeting someone near you are slim. Being in part of your community allows you to meet people close to you and since they are part of a community there have been vetted which is better protection for you.

jeborder​(dom male) • Sep 10, 2017

I mean, I'm looking for something online for the time being haha. And google "munches"?

DrWakko • Sep 10, 2017

A munch is a meal with kinky people. And on line... you get what ever you want... that hot mistress could have a hairier chest and bigger dick than you. Its kind of a you get what you pay for. On line is you get what you get. You have to trust that other computer is really a female. Meeting people will you bring you real experiences and real enjoyment.

pirate • Sep 10, 2017

follow da doctor s orders

Villanelle​(staff) • Sep 11, 2017

There are plenty of dominant women out there, however they often get bombarded by messages from strangers like, "hi. can u b my mistress? I'll do anything". Uh. No. Because of the spamming and trolling many femdoms decide to maintain a lower profile. I've posted advice about how to find a female dominant in some of our other threads so I won't repeat it all here. However I will say that you should always approach a dominant woman as an individual. Read her profile, ask her questions about herself, and leave kink off the table until SHE introduces it. If she's interested in you, she'll let you know. Be focused and discerning. Don't hit on every woman who identifies as dominant. We all like to be appreciated and wanted for who we are. Surely none of us want to be with someone who has an attitude of "anyone will do". If you have standards and appreciate quality chances are you'll attract someone similar.

Also, I've looked at your profile. It has one sentence about who you are and another about what you want. How about what you have to offer? What else you might enjoy besides kink? Anyways, like I said I've gone on about this in other threads so if you're interested you can read more there.

Best of luck to you

Taramafor​(sub male) • Sep 12, 2017

My advice? If you express enough of an interest in someone it's quite possible they may "Become dom" for you. It's actually not quite as simple as just that but it should give the general idea. Basically express an interest in someone, have it returned and work up to looking after each other in all things. Even if you get to know a sub they could still end up becoming a dom if you keep their "Sub needs" in mind.

It's actually been an issue with me and an owner before. Long story short, I expressed that much of an interest in someone and went out of my way to look after them (I would like to note they at first expressed more of an interest in someone else for a while and had trust issues). They in turn did the same back (After a fair few conversations and communicating about things). Being there in "my" way as well as theirs, along with out shared ways. At first it was obviously a struggle. The fear of looking after someone "well enough" can cause people to become afraid of not being able too and hold them back. Which can be mistaken (inaccurately more often then not) as "not caring" when it's the reverse. Over time it got easier. Long as someone tries they get better at it. I had to "take charge" a bit myself. Give a nudge in how to put me in line here. What might apply as rewards and punishments there. Those decisions are not just left up to the dom alone after all. In time they got the hang of things and started taking the initiative a bit more themselves without me having to nudge them at all. My approach to it has always been "Look after them so they can look after me".

The real trick is making your concerns of being in the way or neglected known without appearing selfish about it. It can honestly be a delicate art. If I had gone "I need a lot of attention" though, I doubt I would have got it. Likewise it can be just as difficult to go "You you you". It can make people feel selfish. How then do you balance the two once you're at the "Expressing an interest" phase? I find it's important to be open and honest as possible about what I'm into. But also "how" those things are gone about. I also don't apply the logic to me alone, I apply the logic "In general" as well. For example, would not hurting a masochist not be the same as refusing to hug them? What if choking was done slowly with a leash around the neck instead of fast and rough? Would a "Good" thing be bad to someone else where it might be "bad"? That doesn't translate into being incompatible if that's the case. it's simply "Different strokes for different folks". Look after me in "my" ways and I'll look after you in "your" ways. Which can become our ways inbetween somehow. not sure how it works that way, it just does somehow.

Also don't limit yourself to munches. Best owner I've had avoided group things (I'm much alike in that regard) and was more of an introvert. We started off talking about games at first. Then we talked about "How these weird situations apply to people that are different". Which ended up becoming "Communications about fears and concerns" which ended up being her sub. What I'm basically saying is that I consider it wise to be willing to open up with anyone "outside" of the BDSM field as much as "in" it. Even if 9/10 people assume stupid shit that is wrong and inaccurate about me, that 1/10 can be the one that is worth it. I'm open book myself. Others can start of being more "closed" (yet still perfectly willing to listen and talk). Fear (of strangers. Trust is earned after all) does that and such. How many "potential doms" might have been overlooked by limiting yourself "only" in the BDSM field? Considering that I'm only finding them outside of it myself (there's another dom I haven't brought up) I'd probably say a lot.