A little bit lost and worried

UrsaMinora​(sub agender) • Oct 21, 2020

That's what I was trying to do, but I've been told from a couple of quarters that I shouldn't expect people to change for a minority.
This post was supposed to remind people that the gender binary isn't all there is to life, and the incredibly binary way this forum is laid out means i literally have nowhere to go except a bit just for my specific minority

I really want to persist but I feel like all I'm doing is making enemies and that this isn't gonna be a safe space for me because I dared challenge the cisnormative status quo

MrFulmen • Oct 21, 2020

I've been poking around here a bit in the last couple of months as well, and I'm sorry to say that so far my impression is that the general culture is deeply cis-centric. Have you investigated Fetlife? For all its problems, I think there's a lot more trans and nonbinary visibility there.

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Oct 21, 2020

A trans woman is a woman. A trans man is a man. An agender person is neither and on and on. As such they can post on any board they see fit.

However... This board, despite the problematic name, should be a safe space for trans and gender minority folks to share their experiences and insights. This conversation has shown that this is not the case yet for the Cage. I for one, as a cisgender queer woman owe it to my trans family to be more vocal when I see transphobic bullshit.

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Oct 21, 2020

There is a distinct difference between “preference” and “phobia”. I am not attracted to short men or men with facial hair, but that does not translate to me having shortphobia or facial-hair-phobia.

A blond woman is a woman and a brunette woman is a woman. We rarely get all bent out of shape simply because someone prefers one to another. So the OP had a bad year, but there is no need to yell at a certain Dom simply because his preference is cis-woman.

Re: A little bit lost and worried

strictlygentle​(dom male){Queen Alex} • Oct 21, 2020

Where's the section for couples? Or even a generic "poly"?

The site obviously doesn't cover every possible base, and I'm not even sure it would be wise for them to try, although I do think they could do better.



Anywhere you want. There isn't a bouncer at the door. If the signs hanging above them make them seem uninviting, there are several catch-alls available. You're also free to give suggestions to the site owners for changes to better accommodate you. They might even listen!



You're surprised that a horny guy wanted to know about your genitals? Excellent! I have a bridge in Atlantis to sell you. PM me for Paypal info.

You can feel however you want to feel about it, but if you're looking for a suggested emotional state, it's: happy that an asshat outed themselves so quickly, saving you time and emotion. You can't beat that kind of honesty.



Honestly, I don't even find most of the people her particularly accepting of *kink* and related alternative kinky lifestyles, unless you kink happens to be of the little/big or brat/tamer variety, interested (at the very most) in light rope bondage, gentle butt petting that'll we'll agree to refer to as "spanking," and nothing else.

In short, it's a few good ones, mostly asshats; just like any other community of humans. Deal with it or don't. Both choices lead to happiness and pain, just different kinds. The decision is entirely yours.



Oh geeze, sorry, I guess I fucked that up. Uh.... If you think the cage is bad, just try literally any other site! That'll give you some perspective. Some very sad perspective.

Aquarius Dom​(dom male) • Oct 21, 2020

I would love to just add my perspective I’m older than dirt , hell I even helped Moses build the Ark and I get very confused apparently there are now 72 or something genders !!
Now my biology isn’t great but as far as I’m aware there are only two models available apart from the very rare physical one where the genitals aren’t defined
I’m also pretty blunt so will naturally ask the question “ Martha or Arthur” if I’m unsure ! That doesn’t make me a bad person or phobic in any way ! I just want to know !

For me you are as welcome in my inbox as anyone else ! This really is a great site for diversity in spite of your first impressions ! Settle in wander around the forums and blogs , reach out and you will make friends , sexual or otherwise !!

Re: A little bit lost and worried

MrFulmen • Oct 21, 2020

This is a wretchedly disappointing thread.

Folks: this person opened this thread to ask "am I welcome here." They asked it with a kind of vulnerable directness that takes courage and deserves empathy. They said that they feel lost and worried. They asked for reassurance.

And here you all are dogpiling on to make sure they know that you do not respect their gender. You feel the need to volunteer "I only consider dating cis women," even though no one was asking you who you did or did not want to date. You're making cruel jokes about your own willful ignorance.

If you can't give a welcoming response, how about you just don't respond?

strictlygentle​(dom male){Queen Alex} • Oct 21, 2020

I seriously doubt it's willful, and I'm pretty unconvinced it's ignorance. I think it's just straight up fear. Or insecurity if you want to be fancier about it.

Definitely agree on "wretchedly disappointing." Wouldn't limit to just this thread, though...

UrsaMinora​(sub agender) • Oct 21, 2020

Hey folks thanks so much for joining the debate about whether I'm allowed to be upset that my identity, and those of my trans siblings, gets routinely invalidated.
Its nice to see cis privilege so hard at work

I really feel like many of you need to educate yourselves about trans matters. Ignorance is understandable when you've been living in a cisnormative bubble. No one is born knowing everything. But when a member of a minority group that is currently facing a fuckton of persecution comes on to an apparently welcoming space and says "hey I think there's an issue here folks" you can guarantee they aren't the first person to have an issue with it, just the first to say anything.

There's nothing wrong with genital preference. I've said that. But the way this is approached is an important one when dealing with trans folk. I can recommend a really good learning environment for y'all if you actually care about making trans folk feel more welcome but I don't have anywhere near enough spoons to combat the crap I've encountered on here so far.

If you say that you want to be with a woman, but not a trans woman, you are transphobic. Now, I'm not saying that's what a certain person was saying because they got annoyed with me when I asked for clarification, but yeah. You don't know what's going on in someone's pants, so to blanket reject trans folk is transphobic. Sorry to burst your bubble

In terms of biology, please by all that's holy forget your high school biology of XX and XY. There are multiple other permutations that people can have without even realising it, and unless someone has a chromosomal test you can't know what someone's genetics are

I didn't come on to this site to make a scene but to meet people and maybe get my butt whipped
Unfortunately neither of those things look likely and I've been forced to defend my existence to a group of strangers.
I'm really grateful to those who have been supportive but the overwhelming evidence points to a majority who simply don't care enough to cater to a minority because it's too much work.

I've been met with sarcasm, derision, and belittling. That's great if you're in a scene that calls for that but maybe treat your fellow human with a modicum of courtesy? I apologise for getting angry further up the thread. I had attempted to highlight an issue and got spoken to like a piece of dirt. I shouldn't have reacted in that way and it's not helpful but I'm still human despite being a weirdo who has no gender

I have spent a while typing this out and to be honest I expect it to either be ignored or to be met with more defensiveness and outrage.
If anyone would like a Facebook group recommended to them where you can learn from actual trans people, please pop me a message. If any modmins ever actually read this and give a crap, please pop me a message

Blessings to all

UrsaMinora​(sub agender) • Oct 21, 2020

'Now my biology isn’t great but as far as I’m aware there are only two models available apart from the very rare physical one where the genitals aren’t defined
I’m also pretty blunt so will naturally ask the question “ Martha or Arthur” if I’m unsure ! That doesn’t make me a bad person or phobic in any way ! I just want to know !'

Just want to reply to this specifically. See my long post regarding biology. But the very fact that you have to ask 'are you this or that' shows that you don't respect that there are people like me who are neither.
And yes, sorry, asking a trans person about their genitals straight off is offensive and hurtful to that person. If you don't like it, fine. But you don't get to tell trans folk what they are allowed to be upset about