Platonic(ish) D/s

Platonic(ish) D/s

CuriousAndCurly​(sub female) • Oct 23, 2020

Does the aspect of platonic D/s interest anyone else. I don't mean specifically service-centered tasks, but more along the lines of established roles and acting accordingly. It could range from the enforcing of chores and to-do lists to having a dominant friend pick activities on a night out. I think to be specific, it would look sort of like a 24/7 dynamic, but without the inherently sexual aspects. I've often considered this as a way of exploring the dynamic with new partners: as it allows both sides to sample how the other performs in a chosen role. Personally, I think its a great way to introduce some of the more mental aspects of D/s, and show your partner that you're willing to be patient and work toward doing other things that require a lot more trust.

Now, those in the community that are strictly here for sex and intimacy may not see any benefit or fun to those. But if anyone has any thoughts I would love to hear them!

Little Matty​(sub male) • Oct 24, 2020

I know you're not talking specifically about ageplay but there is a fair bit of that sort of thing going on with caregiver/little dynamics. its not uncommon for the relationship to be focused on the dynamic and relationship without any sexual activities.

Personally, most of my interest is just in being dominated in that way, chores, routines, protocols and having someone else decide what I should/shouldn't be doing. The sexual aspects don't interest me at all (I consider myself asexual)

Alpha Wolfe • Oct 24, 2020

It can work. Just depends on the individuals involved.

Some years ago I began to wonder about platonic affection in a general sense, not specific to D/S relationships. I told myself it'd be nice to have someone, a friend, who I can walk down the street with holding hands. To curl up on the couch watching a movie. Someone to comfort each other on bad days, and celebrate together on the good ones. Something beyond a friendship, but not a relationship. And for me personally, not sexual.
I actually found that in her for a little while.
We shared platonic intimacy, that was all.

BigBubbles • Oct 24, 2020

It can work. I knew of a couple in a dynamic and there was nothing sexual about it at all. And I think that does sound like a good way to start or test run to see if it could work out.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 24, 2020

To me what you describe feels like traditional dating in a bygone era, and is still exercised in some religious cultures. Two people get to know each other without sex. After a period of time, they either get married and 'consumate the union' or part company never having has sexual relations. The dating period is supposedly a time to get to know each other before committing to sex. Of course, many have eschewed that tradition believing that it's a good idea to experience the sexual aspects of relationship as part of knowledge gathering, determining compatibility.

Really though, i don't think you are describing anything new. i know of several here who are monogamous and did not have sexual relations with their mates prior to commitment. i think it's just one of many choices one can make.
Good luck.

shahh • Oct 24, 2020

I'm very much in that type of dynamic. I call her my Not Domme Domme. Incredibly connected...soul mates...zero sexual aspect. And that was right from go. I defer to her on so many levels.

luckygirl • Oct 24, 2020

I can relate to this. There is no pressure in the dynamic. As long as each party doesn't want different things, such as a more serious relationship or commitment, it would be fairly easy to navigate. When human nature takes over, feelings tend to build up and then explode, so it is kind of a treacherous territory. And you nor your platonic can be jealous, it will never work to anyone's benefit if that happens. Any type of human interaction requires a great deal of communication, always tell your platonic how you are feeling about the dynamic and encourage them to be open as well.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Oct 24, 2020

No. Because if you want happiness then I want happiness. That doesn't mean I can't or won't do the other things. It does mean you quite clearly have concerns about lewd/sexual activities being not enjoyable. Which is often proven false by people with sex concerns in relationships when intimacy is lacking once they start doing more and worrying less.

This is of course dependent on context. But basically "plenty of both".


Lack of sex tends to lead to lack of intimacy. There's every pressure in the dynamic. Sex is something that shouldn't be "forced" but nor should it be "neglected". You can have intimacy without sex as well, but you get MORE when you have sex. Provided you're making it about more then "just fucking". Note: Sex and fucking are two different things. Even if they very often go hand in hand. And sex is something that can be very varied and much of it remaining unknown. Due to the "unknown" factor it's impossible to know if X kind of sex would be more or less enjoyable. And often adding other things enhances that. eg: None lewds can be combined with lewds and vice versa. It's more about the "mix". How they can be both combined and separate alike. Plenty of everything and everyone wins. Provided whoever you have sex can focus on other things as well. Games. Movie nights. etc. Often you get the NONE sex when sex needs are met. But if you don't look after the other person then they'll probably be worrying more about themselves. And therefor can't focus on those not so sexual activities.

CuriousAndCurly​(sub female) • Oct 24, 2020

I'm not sure I understand your reply, Teramafor. You are saying that personally, platonic D/s would not work for you because sex is too important? In this platonic D/s sex may not be a thing the people in the situation want to have. It's simply one person wants the control, the other person wants to give up control. And that can be anything from those small everyday decisions to larger things, whatever the dynamic is comfortable with.

CuriousAndCurly​(sub female) • Oct 24, 2020

I feel like you could also have the platonic D/s in the early relationship stages too. Sometimes I think people in the BDSM community jump very quickly to sex, and that's okay. However for people like me that need comfort and trust before participating in D/s, platonic "play" can be a way to test the waters of compatibility. Maybe see how bratty someone is, or how creative someone can be when they are limited to punishments that aren't sexual in nature.