Christian submission/head of household

Christian submission/head of household

DomF​(dom male) • Nov 7, 2020

I grew up in an Irish Catholic setting( first generation American, so plenty of European customs infused as a child) and believe in love. I would love to be accepted but do not practice any faith( consider myself agnostic as far as belief in something after our life ends but against organised religious prejudices) so finding my slice of kink is narrow. The foundation of christan submission is heavily on par with a many bdsm dynamics. So besides faith( huge leaps are better examples for the need for bridges ) what would stop a Dom from finding a Christian woman who is willing to "train" for her man? I never thought kink would bring me back to the basic needs of man/woman... (Mate to mate for the genders not listed, respect).
Not that it is unheard of.. But has this ever crossed other Doms minds when thinking of the type of submissive you are looking for?

individsenior​(sub female) • Nov 7, 2020

First, the scriptures in Proverbs describe a woman as one who can buy and sell land, meet with merchants, etc. and make good business decisions= she does not sound like a 'controlled' woman, but a woman who knows how to manage her household, often implying servants, etc. The context of the Biblical woman and 'head of household' assumes a family setting, with many children as there was no birth control. The writer of the Gospel needs to be taken in context as addressing a specific contextual circumstance in one cultural setting.
Many D/s relationships do not involve a family setting. Most D/s relationships are defined by the partners involved; both make choices and commitments to each other.
In good relationships, both must acknowledge areas of expertise. In marriage relationships, for example, one is a good money manager and one is not; wisdom would recommend that each be in charge of their areas of strength. Both agree, one serves as spokesperson. I also know of sub males who are the household leader in their marriages.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 7, 2020

Because at the core of this lifestyle is shared faith, belief and a grounding that is not compatible with secular kink, and despite what kinksters think, despite the visible similarities those in this particular lifestyle refute its kink, or bdsm. Both parties in the relationship are in submission to Christ, followers of the way. Do Christian men and women get involved with non believers or those of a different faith? Yes, but as far as I am aware the surrendered wife, submissive wife lifestyle is mainly between Christians, married Christians and not those of mixed faith or one with no faith backgrounds.

As part of my particular kink journey I read as much as I could about this lifestyle when I stumbled across it, as it fed into and had parralels to the 1950s, male head of household, taken in hand lifestyles that I was once curious about, but during my research the sites and educators I read, went to great lengths to separate their lifestyle from secular similar lifestyles. The views expressed came from a place of non believers are perverts, unsaved, living in and practicing sinful ideas and activities and those in the Christian lifestyle were simply following a biblical, Christ centred ordained life. One of course many Christians and non Christians would say is an anachronism, and reflects a past that was not respectful of women, their humanity or freedom to be equals with men.

At the heart of this is intent and belief, the activities of spanking, discipline are on the face of it the same, bare hand, or belt, but the spirit is different and that is how those that practice these lifestyles say they are not kinksters or bdsm practitioners. I for one respect that, even though I don't entirely agree with their views about what they do.

I would be very surprised if non Christian dominants will have any success with pursuing Christian women interested in the surrendered/submissive wife ideal as they will lack the one vital factor that makes that work, being saved and in a relationship with Christ. For these people Christ comes first, all else comes from and after that, and only in a marriage.

All the above said in light of what I read and while there may be some doing this in a different light, those Christian lifestyle groups did not mention any who did, which was not a surprise.

DomF​(dom male) • Nov 7, 2020

I am not cruzin bible class.. By no means disrespectful to someone's belief. The split between kink and faith were wonderfully described by dollMaker, thank you, that was the response with relationship between lifestyle and faith based submission I was curious about.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Nov 7, 2020

Almost exactly where my brain went when reading the OP, with a slightly different take.

The OP asks: "So besides faith( huge leaps are better examples for the need for bridges ) what would stop a Dom from finding a Christian woman who is willing to "train" for her man? "

For me, the preponderance of different denominations all claiming to be "Christian" (i.e., followers of Christ), yet differing from each other, and many down right contradicting the other, is evidence of the individual nature of faith... and subsequent 'following.' i would proffer that finding a "Christian" woman for a D/s relationship would depend on what form your D/s inclinations take.

For instance, as dealmaker notes: "i would be very surprised if non Christian dominate will have any success...." Fundamentalist Christians i would think especially because of their literal interpretation of the bible and scriptures directing them to "... not be unequally yoked," a verse instructing that a christian and non christian should not marry. On the other hand, there are many who also claim the title "Christian" who believe everyone is 'saved.' Each will argue endlessly as to why they are right.

To me, this is like so many other things D/s, it comes down to the individual more than the particular 'ism' a person may claim.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 15, 2020

DomF: "So besides faith( huge leaps are better examples for the need for bridges ) what would stop a Dom from finding a Christian woman who is willing to "train" for her man? "

(Not sure I am clear on what you mean by "train for her man?")

"I never thought kink would bring me back to the basic needs of man/woman... (Mate to mate for the genders not listed, respect).
Not that it is unheard of.. But has this ever crossed other Dom's minds when thinking of the type of submissive you are looking for?"

(Not a Dom but it has been a big issue for me. Mostly because of the qualities that a Christian perspective contain. It is very hard to find a Christian Dominant who is actually active in a church because I'd like to share that. So many identify as Christian but are not active with it. So I am not sure the tenets of Christian beliefs would be there for them. And I'd like to get the evenly yoked thing right this time.)

(And I admit premarital sex is a problem for me because after being incompatible with my ex husband I don't want to marry and find out we are incompatible as well. Perhaps less of a chance of that in the realm of Ds where discussion is encouraged more. I am also not sure I want to marry again. So there is some division in what I seek and my desire to be in this lifestyle. I hope that with the right partner we will work it out.)

(There are many layers to being in the lifestyle to begin with. Adding faith adds more challenge and fewer real candidates.)

Notely • Nov 16, 2020

Not everyone is religious some live a 1950s lifestyle.

DomF​(dom male) • Nov 16, 2020

SubtleHush, thank you for sharing. Having fewer to choose from because of your known personal boundaries is healthy.
SmittenVintage,1950's lifestyle is where the crossover question started for me.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 16, 2020

SmittenVintage: "Not everyone is religious some live a 1950s lifestyle."
(No but some of us are. A 1950's lifestyle may be part of a Ds relationship between Christians but it is also a stand alone separate and apart from the original question.)


DomF​: "SubtleHush, thank you for sharing. Having fewer to choose from because of your known personal boundaries is healthy.
SmittenVintage,1950's lifestyle is where the crossover question started for me."

(Cross over how? )
(Still not sure what train for her man means. Care to elaborate?)

(I have no real problem with all the parts of my life. I'm pretty anchored in 'what is appropriate for that environment' so at work I am professional, in church I am there for church etc. How two people live behind closed doors is private. Even when I've been at large lifestyle events. Black Rose, MsC, Brimstone etc. I am in sync with the environment and my behavior reflects that. I'm sure LOTS of people in church have a very different side to themselves. The Pastor at my old church used to say, "This isn't a church its a hospital. We all have issues.")

DomF​(dom male) • Nov 16, 2020

SubtleHush, I'm not a religious man, so I think we might be looking at the same coin from different sides. You bring up a good point, you would need a man of faith for this dynamic to work. I was asking,as a plausible but yet not probable question, if kink had ever started a dynamic that was faith based. With responses so far I would have to agree with you that the faith would need to be there first.
The crossover is my thought process bringing me to the question in the first place. Several dynamics( such as 1950's) took my thoughts to the question in the first place.
Hope this helps.
As far as training. Its the same and different in each and every dynamic.