BDSM/Mainstream

BDSM/Mainstream

j prince​(sadist male){J.Prince} • Dec 4, 2020

Some time ago I was exposed to someone else's thoughts on the potential for BDSM to be properly portrayed in mainstream media. The topic really gor me thinking, and I've come to a resolution as to my feelings on the matter. At some point I'll post my personal thoughts on the matter. But first I'd like to hear yours, the voice of the people. Do you think it would be proper for mainstream media to portray BDSM in an accurate light, and make efforts to normalize it? Or do you think that such actions would backfire and wind up making things worse by promoting toxic pride and an excess of identity in such a lifestyle? It's no secret our lifestyle has seen its fair share if stigma but would it be good or bad if that all went away?

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Dec 4, 2020

I think some level of proper representation would be nice, I’ve encountered quite a few who think it’s just slap and ass and call me a bitch. I had one person ask me if I thought he wasn’t “mean” enough to be a Dom because that was his association with what it meant to be a Dominant.

I think society as a whole is still a little squeamish about sex and anything they don’t consider “normal,” so I’m not sure they’re in a place to have BDSM fully normalised quite yet but I think education and awareness of it is important.

Tthomas • Dec 4, 2020

" Do you think it would be proper for mainstream media to portray BDSM in an accurate light, and make efforts to normalize it?"

I think you would have a hard time getting a majority to agree on what is accurate.

IMHO I do not think it will ever be normal. What is popular to the masses is normal.


Great Topic and questions.

DrWakko • Dec 4, 2020

I think before we worry about the media we need to worry about ourselves. What I mean by that is if you walk out of the house or is walked out of the house on collar and leash, it is looked down upon by the kink community because others didn’t consent to seeing that. Yet it’s perfectly ok for a goth person to wear a fishnet shirt and electrical tape over their nipples or for a female to go to the store wearing a sports bra and yoga pants. I didn’t consent to them wearing that. And anytime I see people wearing items like that I don’t see people freaking out.

For a lot of people we hide behind our LGBT brothers and sisters. We march in the pride parade dressed in our leathers, wearing pup hoods and waving our BDSM pride flags. We are cheered as we walk that parade route. And after the parade we will get people asking questions.

People can not ask us questions if they don’t know we exist. And we won’t let us exist outside your local kink play space.

So till we accept us for us the media isn’t something I worry about.

DW

Bunnie • Dec 4, 2020

I think we as a society have a long way to go before we can feel safe to openly and honestly accept and embrace differences, because we’re taught to fear and compete with each other... which doesn’t necessarily lay a foundation for much tolerance.
Even in this place there is so much competitiveness and judgment and shaming and bullying.

Do I believe it will/should become mainstream? Which part exactly? If you’re referring to calling someone “Daddy,” then it’s already happening, because just like chokers and collars now being a fashion accessory... it’s become fashionable for young girls to call their boyfriend Daddy regardless of whether they’re kinky or not. BDSM already is mainstream in many ways. How many people here are married and secretly cheating on their spouse? That’s pretty mainstream in my eyes lol.

If you break it down to the very definition used on this site, it’s probably even more mainstream than most people think... enjoy a little slap on the ass in the bedroom? Welcome to mainstream BDSM.

I actually believe that it has been the LGBTQIA community who has paved the way for us. Whilst fighting for the right to freely express preferences and choices, they in turn have created an opportunity for us to have a bit more freedom in those areas as well. (Thank you).

And also, as much as everyone hates it... fictional stories like 50 shades and movies like Secretary, have also done wonders for making our lifestyle more recognised. Like anything... those who are capable of defining fact from fiction yet just needed an “aha” moment to find their people.

The people who practice BDSM as I was introduced into it, are the minority these days... especially on places like this site. Whether we like it or not, BDSM has already become mainstream. However, much like everything else that depends on our individual beliefs, morals and values... it will never be *understood* by all, because we’re all different... and in my eyes, that’s perfectly fine. I can’t claim to understand what it means to be gay or even vanilla, however I can simply respect that others are.

That’s what I would love for us to strive for as a society. Honest acceptance of differences... not trying to make everyone the same through fear of being different (huge difference imo). I don’t feel the need to display my choices in front of others... just as I don’t randomly sit down and discuss my sexual choices with strangers. However, I always see myself as a representative of our lifestyle and always try to behave in a way that shows our choices in a positive light.

From a legal perspective, we walk a fine line. One that could probably always be difficult to define in a way that would protect each of us... but who knows. No doubt there are always very clever people working diligently towards improving these things, so we shall see...

TheWhorelock​(dom male) • Dec 4, 2020

It’s virtually impossible to correctly portray it because the truth is that there isn’t such a thing as bdsm. It’s everything and it’s nothing. It’s a culture based on thing and one thing only: consent. Everything that can be consented to is a part of bdsm, and as such the only way I could conceive of it being accurately represented would be as such. Pure consent culture and spoken openly as such.

Unfortunately, even that would be limited unless it was like, a made for TV movie.

DrWakko • Dec 4, 2020

How isn’t there such a thing as Bdsm? It’s an acronym.
From https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/BDSM:
Definition of BDSM
: sexual activity involving such practices as the use of physical restraints, the granting and relinquishing of control, and the infliction of pain
BDSM refers to a range of sexual preferences that generally relate to enjoyment of physical control, psychological control, and/or pain. It can be broken down into six overarching components: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism. Bondage and discipline consist of using physical or psychological restraints, domination and submission involve an exchange of power and control, and sadism and masochism refer to taking pleasure in others' or one's own pain or humiliation. Those who practice BDSM may identify with one or more, in any combination, of these components.
— Ali Hebert and Angela Weaver, Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, August 2014
Whatever one thinks of BDSM, given the pain and intensity associated with it, it certainly doesn't come across as a stress-reducing activity—to most outsiders, there wouldn't appear to be anything relaxing about whips and handcuffs.
— Roni Jacobson, New York Magazine, 3 Feb. 2015

TheWhorelock​(dom male) • Dec 5, 2020

Because that definition isn’t broad enough to encompass bdsm as a lifestyle. There are absolutely people who don’t do any of that who are in the world of bdsm. I wasn’t referring to the literal textbook definition but the original posters question of “BDSM being portrayed in media” which is not a reference to bondage discipline etc etc, but the culture of our community.

Re: BDSM/Mainstream

LordofPain56 • Dec 6, 2020

Normalize it? It's already normalized among the many who are active in it. It seems like what you really wanna do is cram it down other peoples throats and FORCE them to accept it. There is always gonna be differences between people and there is always gonna be people who don't understand other cultures. Why try to force them to accept anything? Let them live in their culture, whatever it is (vanilla, LGBT or whatever), and not force their culture down our throats, while we reciprocate.
We all have freedom of choice in this country. Can't we all be happy with that?

MrRobbbee​(switch male) • Dec 16, 2020

It is not possible for the mainstream media to portray anything accurately without an agenda so I don't thinks this lifestyle would be any different.