Inhibitions

Inhibitions

RedKat{Not now } • Dec 15, 2020

Ok, I am RedKat and I know that I talk a lot of shit, to those that know me. Anyway, here is the deal.
I was over 100 pounds heavier than I am now (while back) and now though I am significantly smaller, I go straight to the big girl section when shopping. I don’t (on purpose) wear form fitting clothes so I don’t draw attention to myself. Now, I have a Dom that wants me to dress correctly (size Wise)...my thing is pretty deep, I think. Since I weaned myself off a lot of medications, some of my memories have surfaced. First, yes, I was molested as a teenager. I know that quite a few of y’all are intelligent and are in school, do you think my dressing in big T-shirt’s etc...reflect what happened to me? I just have to get to the bottom before I can go any further (my feelings). So, anyone have any antidotes, special potions etc...? Enquiring mind wants to know...thanks in advance...

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Dec 15, 2020

Form fitting doesn’t have to be attention drawing; a nicely tailored pair of trousers and top, a simple dress with leggings (empire waisted tend to be my fave, they’re not too fitted but still flattering).

I started with leggings and a hoodie, then leggings and maybe not the most flattering dresses and worked my way up.

I’ve gone down about 4-5 dress sizes myself so I get the weight and that change in thinking. But I found acceptance in 40s/50s fashion, it’s a style I love and love the way I look in it; it wasn’t overnight it’s taken me years.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 15, 2020

Redkat your story is common. As both an abuse survivor and as someone who finally changed their appearance and now thinks like they did in their old body.

Weight is often a protective layer relative to old abuse. So I think your feelings are totally normal in that.

Abuse can have deep-seated consequences. None of which are wrong or weird. But they do not serve you. And unless you work them out and move past them in healthy ways, they will take control any time you are mistreated. And in life we are sometimes mistreated. Problem with old unfinished business is it doesn't distinguish between a big abuse and a small slight.
........
You should consider therapy or counseling (they're different) with a licensed professional. It was brave to lose that weight. So we already know you can be brave in this. Some sliding scale services are out there if money is a concern but I promise you, if you invest in yourself, you tend to achieve more. And you're worth it.

Also, Go to the mall or some store and try on clothes in your correct size. Look at how you look in the outfit not at any left over bumps or bulges. Dress to your size. Figure out what style looks good on you. We both know it's more than size. Color and shape counts too. Admire yourself. Smile in front of that mirror. It's good for the self image. You don't have to buy any of them.

I've lost 40 lbs over the last 6 months. I have an extensive health history including 15 yrs of chronic leukemia. I think I am finally recovered enough to enjoy this success for the first time in many years.

I went to the store recently. Tried on clothes in the misses dept. Stuff I would never buy but dam I looked good! LOL

I would have never done that before.

You may also want to look into this book, "The human side of human beings" by Harvey Jackins. Its an easy read about how bad experiences get stored with the good ones and distort our reactions to things.

In short the brain sorts experiences like a door that opens and closes, and when stressed, like being abused would stress, that feature freezes so bad experiences get in when they wouldn't normally mingling and confusing how we sort bad experiences.

It might help you understand how your thinking is working against you. But it isn't a substitute for counseling.

You have a lot to be proud of and grateful for in your relationship. Knock em dead

RedKat{Not now } • Dec 16, 2020

I appreciate the comments and Subtle, I ordered the book, thank you.