Can you be a sub and still be a feminist?

Can you be a sub and still be a feminist?

drunkpenguin​(sub female) • Dec 22, 2020

How do you indulge your submissive side while also maintaining your own sense of power and independence? What would a D/s relationship look like if that dynamic didn’t apply 24/7? All advice is greatly appreciated

Kiyattle​(switch male) • Dec 22, 2020

I actually asked a really similar question just the other day, only the inverse, can i be a good sub if im a traditionally masculine man. What i kind of gleaned was that your identity and values arent effected by being a sub if you dont want them to be. So i guess its all really about personal choice? IDK, take this with a grain of salt, I'm new here, and nothing i say is to be taken seriously.

Edit: us new kids on the block gotta stick togather, this shit can get confusing. There's so much i dont get yet.

spaceprincess​(sub female) • Dec 22, 2020

I had the same question when I realized I’m a sub and once a dom told me “if you want to be degraded, spit, slapped or whatever you want, it’s perfect as long as you want it”
Since then I feel much better because yes, I am a feminist but I’m still a person with desires, needs and wants, as long as it is my decision

IamtheStorm​(sub female) • Dec 22, 2020

Of course!
Being a sub is about you choosing to give power to someone. They have nothing without you giving it to them first. You set your limits and safewords. Your wants, needs, desires. You still have the power to stop if things are too much.

reading

Virginie​(sub female){lcpw} • Dec 22, 2020

unfortunately im just about to go to sleep, but there are many great things( essays, novels etc) on this subject- not always directly BDSM, but similar- giving up sexual power and still being a feminist. ill try to remember to come back tomorrow with the info.

Kiyattle​(switch male) • Dec 22, 2020

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social status and roles are totally different from the ones in the bedroom, if you want them to be that is. It think the most important part is the act of willingly doing somthing or asking for something that is important. Its a relationship redicated on trust.

Larissa​(masochist female) • Dec 22, 2020

To me, a feminism is about freedom. Freedom to choose how you want to live... freedom being whoever you want to be. And also about accepting other people choices how they want to live their life too. So absolutely, I think a person can be a sub, slave, Dom, Master or whoever and still be a feminist (L)

NoOneofConsequence​(dom male){Taken} • Dec 22, 2020

I admit that this question has always puzzled me even as it has made me chuckle. Of course, a woman can be a Feminist AND a submissive. Just as I, a heterosexual male Daddy Dom/Master, can be (and am).

My first successful long-term D/s relationship was with my wife of two and a half decades which lasted until the day she died.

One of her earliest tasks for me, once she came fully under my control, was for her to get back to school, get a degree in whatever field she chose, and a career in whatever field she wished.

I'm not knocking those who prefer the woman (and/or submissive) to stay home and "be taken care of." I'm just... Being "Sugar Daddy" was never a way I was kinked. I had a deep-seated need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was with me because she chose to be rather than not having any other option, nowhere else to go. I needed to know, and needed her to know, that she could stand on her own two feet. That she was only leaning into my protective embrace because she wished to.

When she had a flat tire five hours away, I didn't really need to go to her and stand beside her to pay for the new tire, wait to have it mounted and everything, then drive her back home any more than she needed for me to. She was perfectly capable of buying a tire, having it mounted, then driving herself home. Hell, she knew more about rebuilding a fuckin' transmission than I did!

And, yet... we both sort of did need for me to do exactly what I did. On some other level.

By the by, her B.A. was in Literature with a minor in Feminist Writers.

Which she only used at home, tweaking my own feeble attempts at writing, since she started working for a bank before graduation and stayed with them in one capacity or another right up until she got too ill to work anymore.

So, yeah. I'm a Feminist. She was a Feminist. I see no reason why you couldn't be a Feminist, too.

Then again, as a Feminist (and not My thrall) you certainly don't need my permission to be any damn thing you wish and have the ability to.

MountaintopMaster • Dec 22, 2020

It is a pretty understandable mental dichotomy to have, because although we can easily wrap our minds around the idea that a submissive "has all the power" by choosing whether or not to submit in the first place, the reality is, when she (or any submissive) is tied up, gagged, and being whipped and called "dirty slut", well, you might not feel very feminist at all in that moment.

However, the part of BDSM that is one of my absolute favorite things is, being able to choose to do these things with zero shame. Or, even if the acts themselves do induce a little bit of kinky "good" shame, what I mean is, this community as a whole does not feel ashamed of its lifestyle choices. Collectively, we are proud of being our truest selves, even when they are degrading.

Having said that, since you might be new at this, I will ask, have you ever tried being a switch? Sometimes, it can feel even better to experience both sides of the D/s! To me as a switch, that's the most powerful position of all to be in--you decide whether to submit, or dominate, and in the long run having both experiences is very satisfying.

Lastly, regarding your question about what a 24/7 relationship that is NOT 24/7 D/s might look like, I have some experience with this, but it'd take a whole lot of time to fully explain! The thing that comes to mind first and foremost is just starting with the foundations of D/s: always be honest with each other 24/7, even when it's not about kinky things, and just get in the habit of telling your significant other exactly what you want, what you don't want, and allow them to help you get through the day, even without giving stern commands etc.

Then, when it comes time to actually engage in a dynamic, whether you are Domme or sub, just remember to ask for exactly what you want, without any hesitation or shame, and either beg for it or demand it; either way it feels incredible!

BeneathHerNow​(sub male) • Dec 22, 2020

Feminism is a range of social movements, political movements, and ideologies that aim to define and establish the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes.

That seems to me to seek to allow folks to be as kick ass or dumb ass as they want to be, regardless of sex. Give them a fair shot regardless of who or what they are.
I don't see that interfering with bdsm or even D/s.
I see that as noble goal.