Subs Pursuing Doms

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Dec 29, 2020

“Meet” was in parentheses to indicate the meeting could be in virtual or actual or phone, I just didn’t elaborate. So instead I’ll use the word “contact” and it can mean virtually as well. So even though we never met in real life, we could still be friends. And although many on the Cage develop friendships and relationships without ever coming into contact beyond the virtual world, they have still “met”. My logic is that until there is some contact, neither individual is in any sort of arrangement or relationship with the other.

Voldemort​(dom male) • Dec 29, 2020

Literate Lycan
I tend to agree with you. Unless an agreement has been made between parties there is no Dom and no sub. There are just two individuals who are looking to start a relationship. Only when both have agreed that they become Dom and sub. I can't call all the ladies here subs. They are ladies until they gift me with their selves. They still are ladies (in case of any misunderstanding) but now they are ALSO my subs. It would be the same as if I were married and went about calling all the ladies i come across wife well I'd end up in hospital.

CvilleRaven​(dom male) • Dec 29, 2020

I think it's heady to meet a submissive who go for what and who they want in a Dom. For a Dom, it's a great compliment to be sought after. Must be doing something right

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Dec 29, 2020

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female)
Literate Lycan wrote:
Specifically, neither Dominant nor submissive are actually in a relationship with each other before they actually “meet” so there is no dynamic and neither are actually the submissive or Dominant of each other - yet.
...........................................................................their post

Your response:
"I believe your your logic may be flawed here. Using your reasoning, that there is no "relationship" unless you have met, that would mean that friendships are not *true* until you meet. Friendships are a form of a dynamic, as we have discussed often so your argument applies. But that's my opinion."
...........................

Literate Lycan's logic isn't flawed at all. The query was who reaches out when seeing a profile of an unknown person when interested. No discussion of online friendship was a part of that.

And while online friendship can be a real friendship, it also has real limitations. I've had plenty online friendships and acquaintances and I learned long ago that until a person is in front of you. Until you see them at their best and worst, day in and day out in multiple scenarios- at the diner, sick, humor, tears, drunk etc- you don't fully know them.
........................................

Furthre Literate Lycan said "I think, all things considered, it shouldn’t matter. Especially in this online environment. Specifically, neither Dominant nor submissive are actually in a relationship with each other before they actually “meet” so there is no dynamic and neither are actually the submissive or Dominant of each other - yet."

I agree, great point. For me, not reaching out isn't about submission so much as my own view of traditional male/female roles

H*

Sensualgent​(dom male) • Dec 30, 2020

I read of many encounters where submissive women are inundated with requests, demands and often unwanted attention from doms who assume they can treat them as his property despite having no agreement or ever having previously communicated.

I prefer to give space and let them come to me if they wish although I appreciate some submissives won't be able. Therefore, I will sometimes reach out if I feel, looking at a profile, there could be a strong connection.
I don't see an issue with a submissive reaching out and as LaVieEnRose wrote, at least I know that she is interested.

Go for it

Links​(switch male) • Jan 4, 2021

If you see something you like or want, you should go for it, regardless of whether you are a Dom or sub. I don't think anything is wrong with a sub approaching a Dom, personally I like it.

SissyPhantom​(sub femme) • Jan 4, 2021

I haven't read all the comments, but as a submissive male it would be lovely to be pursued by a dominant, but I think that is a very rare privilege in the F/m world.
I think gender roles still dictate that men are the ones to approach, even if they are submissive and the woman is dominant. I also think it doesn't really matter what role someone identifies as when it comes to approaching since there is no established dynamic between the two people.
It also depends where the approaching takes place. If it is online, women get so many men approaching there is no need for them to approach.
If it is in real life I don't see why both a woman or a man wouldn't approach someone they're interested in, unless they're hung up on gender roles.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jan 4, 2021

Sadly,
Many of the contacts that have been initiated by "subs" (and I put that in quotes to indicate that I do not consider them to actually be subs), toward myself, tend, a the end of all things, to be scammers. Usually, one of the great red flags is flown pretty early on, sometimes even in the original contact. you know the ones:

1. I need you to go to this website and get verified to prove you are real (credit card required)
2. Lets talk on (insert one.. Google, Snap, whatever)
3. Oh, you are so amazing! I can't wait to know more about you! Sadly, my only internet access is my cell, and it's getting shut off today because I can't pay the bill ......
4. I read all about you and you are JUST what I want! I would come see you RIGHT NOW… but alas, my car needs tires before I can drive that far ....

And their profiles re generally as barren as my bank accounts would be if I gave them access ... lol.

Now I am not sayin ANYTHING bad about any real subs on The Cage, because frankly, I think as a group, you rock the house! And to answer the OP's original inquiry, provided the sub is REAL, I personally find it kinda hot if they initiate conversation, because with all that happens on this site, it is perfectly possible that two people who should connect might never see each others profiles .... so why not? JUMP into the pool, all you have is a little wasted typing if it goes nowhere!

~ID~

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jan 5, 2021

IowaDom​ re scammers.

I was talking to this lawyer who was out of town and we planned to meet when he got back in a few weeks.

I spent a year going paperless and then my external hard drive crashed. I tried everything and finally had no choice but to send it to a clean room. It would be about $2000. He offered to pay if for me. I laughed and explained that "this" is exactly the type of scenario scammers use to get your money. I didn't take the offer and the drive was unrecoverable. But damn talk about an open door!

...................................

I am curious, however, of all the Doms who said they were fine with a sub approaching... How many actually do/did approach?
How many of those led to meeting and then a relationship?

IowaDom​(dom male) • Jan 5, 2021

"I am curious, however, of all the Doms who said they were fine with a sub approaching... How many actually do/did approach?
How many of those led to meeting and then a relationship?"

Well, here it is for me .... personally speaking. When I first joined The Cage, I did what most do I suppose, dove right in, started sending out contacts looking to see what was out there. It was.. to say the least .. depressing. Then I started actually trying to be a part of the community, participating in chats, forums, blogs, etc. I read countless posts by female subs who all seemed to speak of their mailboxes being overrun by instadoms, predators, and idiots. That set off a light in my head. I began to understand the plight many females go through here, and decided to stop contacting people first, for the most part.

Since that time, I would say something in the 95% range of subs I have spoken to at any length were the direct result of them initiating contact with me first. It's not that I saw myself in some adoring light that drew people to me, but rather I let people know through my profile that I was available, and actively seeking a LTR, and if they held any interest, to contact me. It led to my meeting several very high quality people, most of whom are still my friends today. And while I still do not have that LTR "all sewn up" as they say, I treasure my friends equally as much.