stoic Doms?

stoic Doms?

ellefire​(sub female) • Jan 24, 2021

I'm wondering if subs are more likely to be open about new relationship excitement and if being reticent and/or stoic about showing excitement is a Dom thing. I know mileage may vary and that generalizations can't be made, but I'm curious anyway. What do you think Cagers?

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 24, 2021

Depends on your personality

CinderellaOnTheRun​(sub female){protected} • Jan 24, 2021

Thank you for posting this, it's actually very interesting.

Not generalizing but I think it's a stereotype that wanna be doms follow. It is a toxic trait subjugated on men to be unemotional and neutral in most situations especially relationship wise. So I would mostly blame it on society's conceptions, media and all the insta-doms.

Personally as most women, nothing is more beautiful and buitls connections than a men that is at ease with showing his feelings. It truly is a wonderful thing.

~C

Miki​(masochist female) • Jan 24, 2021

It's probably more of a man thing than just a dom thing. Some of it might be, as written above, a "toxic" trait imposed on males to be stoic and "tough" by societal expectations and nurture, but some of it is nature.
Men and women do not think or feel alike, and I do not believe either is "better" than the other. It just is.

It'll be interesting to see if any dommes chime in, or subs in a D/s relationship with a domme. Are they stoic or reserved? If stoic it may very well be a dominant thing but boil that down to the travails of being the alpha in a relationship regardless of gender.

However, I'm no expert on human nature. No degrees on my wall. I'm just riding on experience and what I have seen going on around me.

ellefire​(sub female) • Jan 24, 2021

Miki I think you hit on one of the things I'm wondering in regard to Dommes. I started as a switch, but realized that i was really bottoming from the top. My male sub was quite vocal about his excitement at our dynamic, but I've no idea of that's widespread. Hopefully some Dommes will come in! [I agree with you and Cindarella that stereotypical societal expectations and 'toxic masculinity' (plus misguided beliefs of insta-doms) are likely involved.]

DorianGrayUK​(switch male) • Jan 24, 2021

Hi
I have an interest in stoic philosophy, and if you look into it, it's not about supressing all of your emotions, which is the impression I get from the comments here.

To a stoic, emotions are not animalistic tendencies to be suppressed, or habituated responses that must be trained. Rather, emotions are caused by how we perceive the world.

There is also a distinction between whether the emotion is the result of a present, ongoing event or a result of a past event.

Before judging it, I think people need to look into the philosophy more.

DrWakko • Jan 24, 2021

I don't think it has anything to do with stoic or being a "toxic" male. If you look at relationships now or even fifty years back. You will find that the expressive emotions tend to come from the female. As a male when I get into a relationship I am excited. I tell my friends, at some point I tell my family. I am happy to be in said relationship, but I'm not bouncing up and down over it.

I think relationships on a whole are female focused. Guys are more in the background when it comes to relationships. Its more of a deal for HER to be engaged. A guy traditional gets on one knee putting all the focus on HER. Even the wedding its HER day.

I think males are proud of the relationship where females are excited about the relationship. Different emotions means different ways to express them.

MelMell​(dom female) • Jan 24, 2021

I can be a bit stoic at first and I have been called cold hearted at first. I don’t open up my emotions easily and it takes a while for me to warm up to the person. Once I open up my more caring and guiding side will come out. How much emotions I show also depends on how I feel towards the other person. I’ve been in relationships that while I’ve cared I didn’t lose any sleep when the breakup happened. There’s some in which I’ve cared way too much about the person and the breakup has devastated me so much I’ve had to cut ties either the person either from anger or pain.
I’ve taught myself throughout the years to show emotions even if I don’t truly feel them. In my experience with male subs I’ve found that there’s some that are very open about their emotions and some just aren’t. Men have grown in a society where emotions are frowned upon and it makes it difficult for them to show emotions and open up. One of my current subs is like this and I’m slowly trying to get him to open up more about his emotions and talk to me about it and work it out with me. My interest is in him being the best he can be and that includes talking things out.

My limited experience

paddleboarder​(sub female) • Jan 24, 2021

Thank you for posting, it's exactly the same thing I wonder. I'm new to the lifestyle and have formed an online D/s dynamic with intentions of meeting in person soon.
I would describe him as stoic and I make myself crazy at times, trying to figure out what he's thinking, feeling, wanting. I'm open with him in general and have been very open about my thoughts and feelings as we keep getting to know each other; but for all my enthusiasm, it seems almost like he has no emotions about our relationship. I know he cares but he doesn't display it. I wonder if, or how much this will change once we meet and spend real time together. Regardless of how he expresses himself, whenever I simply ask a direct question, even about his thoughts and feelings with me, he'll answer it completely.
I don't know if this helps or even really answers the question, but I appreciate the post.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} • Jan 24, 2021

I don't think it is, I'm considered quite stoic as a woman and a sub but it's not because I don't feel things I'm just not very outwardly expressive of my emotions; it's just the way I am. I'm not actively suppressing anything but sometimes it takes me a long time to sus out exactly what I'm feeling, so a lot of times if I tell people how I'm feeling they are surprised. For instance of I say "I'm really crabby today." Or "I'm excited to go to this event." They are like "really? You are?". This is especially true in a new relationship, I feel the excitement but it's internal, if I don't chose to say anything about it you'd never know.