Relocation

Relocation

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Mar 7, 2021

I've only been on this site for a couple of days now; my classified ads haven't even been approved. But I've already messages from two women who want to know - before anything else - if I am ready and able to relocate to another part of the country.

I've never encountered that question so early in discussions in any other community. Is this a common occurrence?

I'm talking both women at face value, and assume they truly want to know because they don't want to spend time on something with no chance of the outcome they desire. And I can respect that. It's no different than being on a vanilla site and asking if someone is allergic to cats, or if someone want to have more children, etc. Certain deal-breaker issues seem logical to put up-front just to get them out of the way.

But I find myself stuck on answering the question. Okay, sure, I COULD see myself relocating for a relationship that worked, that felt right, where we connected strongly and the pull was there. We'd need to meet and spend time with each other on multiple occasions before I would consider it. If it had that magic, and I believed in it, it would be worth it to relocate.

Yet even then, "willing and able?" I'm not willing today; I might be if it worked out that way. I'm not able today; I'd need to know where I was moving to, where I would be living if I could find employment there, what would happen if finding a job took longer than expected. There's a lot involved in moving across the country. If I was twenty years old and hadn't built my own life and my own world, it would be easier. But there is so much to be considered there, and it takes time and planning and thought and investigation.

So I guess I'm asking: how common is this question, and do you think I am being too technical in my thinking? Should I just say "yes, maybe" or is it better to do as I've been doing and explain why I don't think there's an easy answer? Or, as I've been taking it, does the question as presented seem overly simplified?

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 7, 2021

This is a scam. A means of assessing whether or not you have money and how easily you would give it up.

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Mar 7, 2021

I considered that possibility BlackEarthDuke, which is why I was measured in my responses to the inquiries.

Sadly in this community there is still a lot of inexperience and naivety. I roll my eyes every time I see "I want a slave, are you ready to wear my collar, obey me in all things, and do as you are told without question" <uh, no, I've never even spoken to you, and what kind of Domme hands out collars like Halloween candy?>

And of course the submissive or pseudo-submissive "I want a Mistress to serve, I will do anything and have no limits." <You'll serve anyone? You don't even need matching kinks, a connection, or anything else? No limits? How about castration? Oh, you won't to THAT? Well that's a LIMIT!> (Obviously most of these folks aren't scam artists as much as newbies who simply want to top from the bottom, but either way it's like a big flashing light signaling foolishness).

Villanelle​(staff) • Mar 7, 2021

Sounds suspicious for sure.

Btw personal approvals can take a little longer on the weekend but generally are dealt with daily.

Good luck in your search!

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 7, 2021

It depends on how well they're wanting to know you as an individual. Relocation is a big deal as LDRs don't work as well they say. Yes it may seem like a scam, but consider all the subs and slaves that seem to love the idea or relocating at their owners expense just to be a sub for free, as if being in the lifestyle automaticky gives them a free ride which shows them as a free-loader. You don't seem to be that kind of sub, but I'm sure you can see how scam can be seen from both perspectives.

My only advice here is honesty. If you're willing to relocate and kot presently able, say so. As an unowned sub you have the right to your opinion and options. Showing your eagerness to being able is good, but if they dont seem so interested in getting to know you as a person then it might be a scam. Granted there are some ppl that dont want so many options in their life, like having an opinion, to which I say "give someone your time and money without any actual commitment and see where it gets you in life and the community. "

Sensualgent​(dom male) • Mar 7, 2021

Welcome and thanks for asking.

I don't know your experience but if I were you I would spend some time on here chatting with the community.
Don't rush into anything or give away personal details.
If someone seems interested let them show that over some time getting to know each other equally. If they insist on commitment like sending racy photos, buying items or joining other websites early on , I would tell them where to go.

The Cage is a good community but like all open platforms it can attract scammers and other undesirables. If unsure continue to ask in the forums.
Take your time,
Be sure,
Enjoy.

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Mar 7, 2021

Thanks Sensualgent, I am very experienced and in no rush for anything. But that's good advice whether I read it or someone comes by and reads it.

As a matter of fact, I am very trepidatious by nature and prefer to move along in slow steps. Sometimes I even need a little push to realize the door is open to move forward.

Sensualgent​(dom male) • Mar 7, 2021

Thanks for the reply.
It's good to have you here and perhaps I or others may benifit from your experience.

All the best.
G

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 7, 2021

Frankly regardless of gender, or none, any dominant, so called, who within a few days or sooner, even within a few months is asking or demanding relocation, turn away and run. Its a massive red flag, huge. You just can not know someone well enough in such a short time to make such a life changing decision, and it doesn't matter whether the kink or vanilla world, any, its not enough time.

I agree though with others above it smells like a scam, report them to site admin and they can see if there are any other reports against those profiles.

Bunnie • Mar 7, 2021

@ yourbootsownme,

“But I find myself stuck on answering the question.”

I think what you wrote here is a perfect response:

“I COULD see myself relocating for a relationship that worked, that felt right, where we connected strongly and the pull was there. We'd need to meet and spend time with each other on multiple occasions before I would consider it. If it had that magic, and I believed in it, it would be worth it to relocate.

Yet even then, "willing and able?" I'm not willing today; I might be if it worked out that way. I'm not able today; I'd need to know where I was moving to, where I would be living if I could find employment there, what would happen if finding a job took longer than expected. There's a lot involved in moving across the country. If I was twenty years old and hadn't built my own life and my own world, it would be easier. But there is so much to be considered there, and it takes time and planning and thought and investigation.”

Regardless of whether someone is attempting to scam you or not, how you respond still says a lot about you. I think this response above is honest in your truth and who you are. It shows that you’re capable of assessing the situation realistically and with thought and caution, yet also with an open mind. I personally think it’s a great response for many reasons.

Good luck on your journey