Real Life, Online or Both?

Real Life, Online or Both?

JustGreenie • Mar 10, 2021

How many people have a preference when it comes to the type of dynamic they want to be involved with? In Real Life (IRL) what are you expectations and needs? I know there are many types of dynamics when it comes to what people what from 24/7 TPE to just bedroom fun, what is your preference?

What about those who want just online? What are you expectations and needs from that? How do you communicate, do you take it further to conversations on the phone to sharing pictures and the occasional zoom or Skype fun session? How do you make it work?

Or do you have a mixture of both, where you interlace IRL and VR together? I am curious to see how people view these topics and how it has worked out for them.

To answer my own questions, I have done both, online first and then moved to IRL. I prefer RL, because you have that physical connection with the person you are involved with. I find there is nothing more sensual than feeling him touch me, talking to me directly and exploring our limits physically. Yet I have to do a combination of both due to long distance, which I have no qualms with, we still make it work while we are separated, but makes the time we will have together in person so much more for me.

nuli​(sub female){Unkolared} • Mar 10, 2021

i never understood the online only relationship honestly (not judging because while not for me it what works for others). Online is great to meet people but i need real time. the peace one gets at kneeling at someone's feet. serving them making them happy. to me it seems strange to say online only, like how do you know they did what you requested and how do you punish ?

BowieMDPat • Mar 10, 2021

I also prefer in person. Cyber just isn't the same for me.

Ultimately, I'd like a 24/7 TPE, but so far that is not a goal I've been able to reach.

Lexxa​(sub female) • Mar 10, 2021

I’ve engaged in them all to some extent. I started out with an online only dynamic a few years ago as I was just getting my foot in the door. It was good exposure to how some (not all) online only dynamics operate but ultimately not my cup of tea. In this specific case we communicated exclusively over text with photos and the occasional video recording. At the time I was increasingly busy with work and life so I figured that would be enough. Despite my busy schedule though I realized I did want/need more than that.

After that dynamic ended I tried out a long distance dynamic that was a combo of phone calls/texts/video calls and in person visits when possible. That structure was more sustainable for me but I still struggled with the distance. It’s also important to note that I’m not really a fan of playing over video chat. I don’t mind video chats for talking but I dislike them for playing, which limits the options a bit for play in a LDR. Ultimately I again realized I wanted/needed more and thus opted to move on. I am still close to my sub brother from that dynamic though and had the specific circumstances been different I could’ve imagined it lasting longer. This was also my first taste of engaging in a poly dynamic.

At this point in my journey I had learned and experienced enough to know I didn’t want something part time or play only. Ideally I wanted a romantic relationship that involved a 24/7 D/s or DD/lg dynamic with someone within my local community or within a short traveling distance (1-2 hours via car or plane max). I’m service oriented and being far away from a partner left a large part of myself feeling unfulfilled. In addition I would often find myself longing for physical interactions (like cuddling, petting, etc) while in little space which would create strain in a LDR. I lucked out and met my current partner in my local scene a year ago and we started living together a month ago. So far this has been the most sustainable structure out of them all for myself. Should the current dynamic end someday I imagine I will stick with seeking only those local to me going forward.

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Mar 10, 2021

In person is my goal. Cyber is mostly a placeholder in the meantime.

I prefer a true LTR with whatever level of D/s works best for us as a couple, which may vary depending on what's going on with our lives. In general I've found even in vanilla aspects there is the D/s dynamic which can be brought into the equation whenever the Domme prefers. But not as a rule. It requires listening, understanding, attention, and empathy do determine the proper combination of ingredients from one moment to the next. With plenty of hit and miss.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

I find the use of IRL offensive. In 'Real' Life. Online is REAL, it is just as valid, as the physical world. I know I am Canute standing in the waves here, but using 'physical world' to me is better and does not devalue or disrespect those who stay, or are mainly online.

I am experienced in both mediums, I value both equally, they are both enjoyable, fulfilling but different.

I understand and respect that many need hands on physical stimulus, and nothing via online will work for them, but it gets very tiring and annoying when so many wade into these types of threads and piss all over those who have happy, healthy, balanced online dynamics. Its common to read that online is fantasy, role playing and dungeons and dragons BS. That D/s or M/s, kink in general can't be done online. These gatekeepers telling everyone this loudly, closing doors to possible interesting and fun encounters for others. This is 2021 and the online medium allows a lot, sure there are numerous things that can only be done in person, but there is so much that can also be done via the online medium. Stating your preference is fine in my book, but telling everyone that your view is the only valid way, well that's rude and disrespectful, no mater where that comes from.

This April it will be three years since SAvida and I went from friends to more, and we have never done physical world. In my experience, what we have transcends anything I have had in the physical world so far, and I have a lot of physical world experience. The meeting of our minds, souls has been and still is wonderful.

nuli​(sub female){Unkolared} • Mar 10, 2021

"I find the use of IRL offensive. In 'Real' Life. Online is REAL, it is just as valid, as the physical world. I know I am Canute standing in the waves here, but using 'physical world' to me is better and does not devalue or disrespect those who stay, or are mainly online

Most of us do not say it to mean anything other then how to show the difference in what is being talked about sought etc. i am sorry you feel its being disrespectful but in all honest. its not and i dont see the words changing

Zedland​(dom male) • Mar 10, 2021

I have done both and can see why some prefer one and some prefer the other.

For me though nothing can replace physical contact. No essay, skype call, or phone call can replace the feel of someone's throat under my hand. Their hammering heart pushing gently back against my calloused skin, the warmth of them, how their eyes gaze into mine with that odd combination of fear, excitement, expectation, lust and the thousand other emotions that can never be adequately expressed in words. It is a singular experience.

JustGreenie • Mar 10, 2021

@dollMaker

I find the use of IRL offensive. In 'Real' Life. Online is REAL, it is just as valid, as the physical world. I know I am Canute standing in the waves here, but using 'physical world' to me is better and does not devalue or disrespect those who stay, or are mainly online.

It was never my intentions to offend anyone with the terms I used in my post. I used simplistic common known terms to identify them and never to devalue.

Devotedsub​(sub female){His} • Mar 10, 2021

Online works best for me given my situation. Those who use it as a mean to cheat on a partner (meaning they have no knowledge of the relationship).... Well , you get the picture.
Anyway, I think it's simply a preference. Some things work for some that might not work for others, like with many things in life. And for the record, I don't find this offensive in any way. It was simply asking preference. But , poster, beware ...you've likely been reported because that's what usually happens in the case with the person making accusations, just because they don't necessarily agree with your wording or personal choice.