What do you actually *do* in your lifestyle?

What do you actually *do* in your lifestyle?

MrFulmen • Mar 15, 2021

When we talk about BDSM as a lifestyle, the ways we describe it are often romantic, sweeping... and kind of vague.

I thought it would be interesting to invite folks who live the lifestyle to share some concrete examples of what that means for them on a day-to-day basis. "The Boss makes all the decisions" sounds sexy and all, but would you tell us about one specific kind of decision that the Boss makes frequently?

I'm not asking for the full story of everything that happens in your lifestyle--for many of us that'd require writing a book--just one characteristic example of a thing you do that makes your lifestyle a lifestyle.

MrFulmen • Mar 15, 2021

I'll start!

Once I had a partner who had a very demanding and unpredictable job. It would have been pretty much impossible for her to keep that job while also having a significant set of regularly scheduled submissive chores or devotions or the like.

So I got a wall calendar and a pack of star stickers (our dynamic had a bit of DDlg to it), and I gave her a list of submissive tasks that I wanted her to do. Whenever she completed one of the tasks she'd get a star on the calendar, and she needed to get at least five stars every week, but she could do them whenever worked in her schedule. The tasks ranged from sexy degrading things through self-improvement things. For instance, she was a writer and I wanted to encourage her writing; so if she spent at least half an hour writing at least four times in a week, she'd get a star for that.

BowieMDPat • Mar 15, 2021

I'm an introvert, my late Master was an extrovert. After a long day at work, I didn't always want to go out. He always asked my opinion, but when he said we were going out that night, it was final. MANY other examples in that theme - little daily decisions.

LunarEclipse​(sub female) • Mar 16, 2021

It's typically simple things and not all of them are necessarily specific directives from Him but rather just me being aware of his preferences and following them.

Such as making the bed each morning the way he likes it, waiting for him to open doors when we are out, allowing him to order for me, deferring to him for bigger decisions.

Directives lately tend to be specific about eating right as I tend to skip meals and eat like a toddler when given the chance lol

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 16, 2021

My wife was abused by a former 'Master' in every way imaginable. You could see she was visibly shaken, quite nervous, and extremely anxious to find someone totally different. I simply told her that under every circumstance she is to voice her opinion and ask questions as she deems needed. Most would call such a command to destabilize the fundamental structure of the M/s dynamic, but said structure has no grounds for anyone outside said dynamic. Many do as they're needed to test their slave, one of which is to ensure they're actually a slave to begin with. At present it's quite hard to get her to not voice her opinion and she has left the lifestyle behind with her only regret of ever joining it in the first place. Not the story some may have expected, but a happy ending none the less.

CSI • Mar 16, 2021

Previously, directives and decisions included how my hair was cut, what colour my nails were painted, when to go to bed and what to wear each day. One gave me specific mantras to repeat each evening while holding a pose of his choosing for however long he determined.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 16, 2021

Depending on whether I am traveling or at home (or traveling with a sub), my day begins with sexual service (my favorite way to wake up).

After this, I check my phones and computers for messages from remote subs including clothing approval photos, any outstanding task fulfillment, and state of being messages (a standardized account of how they are doing; plans for the day, anything that might interrupt normal service (I.e. health concerns, emergency situations), emotional state, and any questions or concerns they may have for me.). These are addresses as necessary by me before I begin my day in earnest.

If I am with any of my subs, rituals regarding my normal daily tasks begin immediately (preparing for the day, breakfast, leaving for work if I am working that day). Daily tasks are given before I leave, to be completed throughout the day.

I almost always have an open line of communication while working, and I am generally in constant contact with my subs via messaging apps. I will issue instructions, address concerns, and simply converse on a casual level with everyone throughout the work day.

Once I am finished with work, if I am traveling, the evening will include continued communication and any more direct communication (phone or video calls) between my subs.
If I am home, this evening schedule will also include time with my nesting partner and any local subs nearby.
Solo time with each is scheduled as possible.

Goodnight rituals occur as everyone goes to bed, or in total for any outstanding once I go to bed, in case anyone is up after me.

ellefire​(sub female) • Mar 17, 2021

There are a variety of small things that I do, but one specific thing I really like is RED Friday. This is Remember Everyone Deployed Friday and requires red bra and panties.

I'm looking forward to more requirements as we develop our dynamic.

Bunnie • Mar 18, 2021

Because we’re currently (very) long distance and haven’t yet met in person, our dynamic is based around establishing a foundation in regards to the aspects that can be formed in these circumstances. Creating trust has been a huge focus for Master. Recently we have stepped into a more regimented structure, beginning the work towards establishing “the ground rules” of which will help determine “my place.” I’m thrilled with it, and to be hearing the feedback from Master from His perspective is something that brings a huge amount of satisfaction.

So, at this point in time, what I actually do/am expected to do:

Every morning I say Good Morning.
I send Master a snapshot of my daily plan.
If He is awake and available we will have a bit of a chat. Sometimes we will video... which is always done with me naked and in Nadu, until He states that I can relax.
The day begins from there.
Currently I am expected to ask permission to do everything (yes, even go to the toilet).
Every time I leave the house to go somewhere He is to know, and when I return or arrive at where I’m going, He is to know.
Every afternoon, I go for a walk with my housemate’s puppy dog. Master joins me and we chat about anything and everything.
When I get home I strip off and put the video on to greet Him naked and in Nadu, which I remain in until He states that I can relax.
Every night before bed I practice my positions whilst saying my mantra.
Every night ends with me sending a Goodnight message.

At the moment, being half the world apart, the “doing” is more around developing intent and mindfulness, which although obviously isn’t everything, hopefully will still be a significant enough factor to have created some kind of foundation when we do eventually come together.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Mar 18, 2021

M/s doesn't have to be about confining somebody. It can also be FREEING somebody. You returned her voice to her which freeded her from bondage of the past. A command is still a command which usually entails stepping out of the comfort zone (even if that comfort was abusive).

Thank you....for freeing her.