Earning Your Leathers

Earning Your Leathers

PrincessAryiana • Mar 27, 2021

Some of you that are real geuine Master's and Mistresses will know what my subject entails, my quesiton to the group though is your opnion on this matter. Do you feel that a qualified and experienced Master or Mistress is to be formally trained in the lifestyle by taking real life classes and instruction from experienced Master's and Mistresses that have done the same and have earned their leathers by practicing their skills for years? My former Master was instructed by other more experienced Masters in the lifestyle, he earned his right to be a Master by taking classes in being a good Master and practicing his skills, whether it was flogging to learning slave protocols and utilizing those skills by practicing them with consenting submissives. It took him years to earn his leathers, but it was worth it and he is now a full fledged Master in the lifestyle. He was trained in the old school of slavery. When I was his slave, that is the type of training he used with me and his other slaves, we lived a poly lifestyle.

Your thoughts, opinions on this?

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 27, 2021

Training directly under an experienced M is one way to do it, but as we don't all do things the same there should at least be a kind of way to treat new Ms in order to ensure that have the knowledge and experience and understanding of such things. A wise person once said "If you want to know how to lead you must first learn how to follow for if you don't know how to follow then how could you expect others to follow you?"

Bunnie • Mar 27, 2021

@ PrincessAryiana,

I think there are two aspects. In the off-line world, within active BDSM and lifestyle communities, my experience has been that titles are used more like a “right of passage.” An indication as to (as you mention) the level of “standing” someone has achieved within the community. Titles are used and respected by all who move within those circles.

On-line I have observed, is different. On-line, titles are used as a way of identifying. The drop-down menu options when we join a site, suggest that we have to “pick what fits best.” There are no options for “New Dominant/submissive” or “Learning” or “In training” or “desire to be....” or “Under the Mentorship of ...” or “just here for some role playing” or whatever may actually be more accurate. Of course everything can’t be covered, so “umbrellas” are used. The problem that comes with that though is our innate nature to assume and fill in the blanks. We see “Dominant” or “submissive” or “Master” or “slave” behind someone’s name and take that at face value without considering the actual possibilities behind how that title is being used. It causes a lot of problems. Ones that I can’t see a solution to, because ultimately what is occurring is a sharing of space for two completely different aspects of BDSM. Which in my opinion simply can’t merge because as I said above, they’re like chalk and cheese.

Ultimately if it were up to me, no one (bottoms included) would be allowed to call themselves any title without having been given to them (earned) through a “rite of passage” of sorts (much as is done in Leather). But I’m a bit of a fan of rules lol

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Mar 27, 2021

As much as I appreciate the level to which the community offers support and guidance for new practitioners, I do view the relevance on an individual basis.
I have been a practicing D type for over a decade now, and I have gone to the clubs, conventions, and seminars. I have paid dues at academies and sat in on presentations; and I feel as though I have learned much less from others than I learned from myself. I have taught and mentored over the years and I have spoken to established Doms/Dommes, Masters/Mistresses on specific basis to learn more about particular skills.
I have yet to meet another practitioner who I feel does justice to deep role play, or integrating spirituality and esoterica into kink (two areas that I hold very highly in my practice).
I have always found that learning from others is best taken as a supplement to learning from yourself, and as such, the hierarchical opinions of others mean little to me.

MrFulmen • Mar 28, 2021

Getting education, getting connected to kink communities and learning about/from kinky culture, and being humble about your experience and abilities are all certainly good things.

At the same time, there is no central authority or unified standard to determine who gets to be a full fledged Master in the lifestyle and who doesn't. There is no single "old school." There are dozens of old schools, with somewhat different values and approaches, and with significantly different rituals.

So be careful about thinking that anyone carries a special pedigree that sets them above the rest. Someone might have earned their leathers in their club, and that might mean a lot within their club, but you can't expect the rest of the world to give it a whole lot of weight.

roguetulip​(dom trans man) • Mar 28, 2021

I'm very much looking forward to the end of our roadmap (uk) so everyone can meet up once more. As a very much newbie Dom, I'm certainly going to be looking for munches locally.
Following more experienced members of the community is highly necessary imo.

DrWakko • Mar 28, 2021

As someone who identifies as Leather I am very much for earning your leather and the last piece being the Master and in some communities sub or slave cap.

One of the biggest problems but makes this lifestyle great is all the definitions. We are very accepting of people so we let everything, maybe too much in.

Maybe this whole thing is as simple as this: I top x, In my relationship I’m the Dom, I am the Master of x in our relationship.

Maybe it is that simple, if we look at the dictionary one of the entries for master is “the head of the household”. Simple I am the head of my household so I am the master of the house.

Now what if you are single. Then can you still call yourself master? You aren’t really the head of the house since it’s just you. Is this when all the Dr. Bob books on Mastery come into play? Is this when going to all the cons and classes count?

I think if you are calling yourself master you should know why and be able to back it. And in the Leather community earning your Masters cap is the community calling you Master not you calling yourself it.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 28, 2021

Those who go through the ranks of known teaching/mentoring groups are getting more than their leather or title. They are getting support, friendship, guidance when things go wrong, and in many cases lifelong friends. Friends that emulate a standard and quality you can only receive from respected others who have gone before you.

These are usually groups that have been around for a very, very long time and have well-respected reputations. They aren't for everyone of course. But what you do see in such groups where one has to come in with humility and take the trouble to learn. Where one has to measure up to the scrutiny of others who care about the life and the people in it is usually (I said usually) less bad behavior. Less using and hurting others. Less ghosting.

I believe this is because like any rank that one has to work for, after going through the trouble to earn it one is less quick to risk losing or destroying what it stands for.

People often confuse this type of lifestyle person with celebrity folk. More than a few have stepped into the light, started some group, munch, event, or club, and become very popular. Often they are confused with those who have earned their rank and for a while, there is a large fan club. A few years back two such people while riding high on their celebrity and then blew it big time. The allegations were that one used his slaves as prostitutes when he couldn't pay a bill. The other one I forget what he did. At least one of them was in prison last I heard.

Having been involved with such groups does change your point of view.
When someone says they are a Master I ask what they have mastered.
When they say they know no one in the life I wonder how they learned.
When they say that they only play privately, I wonder why they are afraid of scrutiny.
When they have never had a class or mentoring from another Dominant or Master. Then I know they've missed out on meeting some amazing people.
When they have never been taught how to use all those toys everyone loves that are actually very dangerous when used wrong, I wonder what they are thinking.

Well, honestly, I doubt them. I doubt where their integrity lies. What knowledge they really have because I read a book is not enough.

Many will argue that their way is perfectly fine and it is. For them. But consider this:

When a guy rolls up and calls himself a Master when he hasn't actually mastered anything, and then he hurts someone... is that person less hurt when said master says, "Hey I'm just a guy who made a mistake." (a common occurrence)

If he hurts someone in the leather community and says that, another Dominant or Master (a friend or mentor) will speak with him privately. Call him on the carpet for it. He will not be allowed to shrug it off. He will be taught better. He will be expected to improve his skills. He will, in a nutshell, be expected to be who he thinks he is and improve. And it will matter because the respect of his peers matters. Because he took the time to meet and become acquainted with others he respects.

There will always be those who take it seriously and make it a life they live. And there will always be those who go to a fetish shop and buy a bunch of stuff and wing it.

But look at how much they miss out on? This isn't just an alternate lifestyle. It is a rich and vibrant world where you cannot help but be elevated by what you learn and who you know and admire. And that is pretty amazing.

Now if you don't care about that then you don't care about it. That is your choice.
And you can call yourself Master this or that all you want, but it will never be the same.
Mastery of self is the only way to reach mastery of others and it's a journey best traveled with those who know the terrain.

H*

PrincessAryiana • Mar 29, 2021

Thank you for your replies and honest opinions on this subject. I like the fact that to be a Master once must be a Master of himself/herself first and to be mentored and trained by others in the community that have more hands on experience in being a Dom/Domme to others. I am talking about real life M/s realtionships and not online, online is a whole different dynamic and I personally do not engage in that kind of relationship.

PrincessAryiana • Mar 29, 2021

Thank you hon, makes complete sense