How do you like to be approached?

Susie Q{💙} • Mar 29, 2021

I’m a very old fashioned girl. No matter what type of world, be it bdsm or vanilla...I was raised that women don’t initiate conversation. That’s just me, I’m not saying anything about anyone else. You do you. However, I find that isn’t a concept many people understand.
I will, at most, love a profile.
Then if someone approaches me, I will check out and read their profile. Then I will respond appropriately, if I am interested or not, I will respond. That’s common courtesy.
In my world, I need to LIKE a person in order to consider a dynamic.

CSI • Mar 29, 2021

Most of what I was going to say has been said already. I like being approached with kindness and respect. I don't believe in using titles before a dynamic is agreed upon. And although I am ok with talking about kinks on a surface level in the first few conversations (if they come up or are deemed important enough to talk about immediately by the other person), I do not want to get into sexual specifics and depravity. I don't want to hear about what they fantasize about doing with me or me for them. I want to get to know them as people and build that connection.

Lee Halloway​(dom female) • Mar 29, 2021

I like it when people greet me, tell me a little about themselves, and state their intentions.

Usually, I just get someone stating what they look like and what kinks they have. Immediate nope.

CSI • Mar 29, 2021

I totally missed there was a second page. I am also similar to creidsinn, I very rarely reach out first. If I do reach out, it is usually more of a "hi, here I am, how are you," but nothing too specific. I find it terrifying. If someone is interested, I would hope they would take the initiative and further the conversation.

Defender​(dom male) • Mar 29, 2021

That ^ seems simple enough, and in my experience most submissives "get it".

But not all.

One sub opened with the most toe-curlingly matronising line I have read in a long time.

And another with the statement that the Doms on here are mostly "fuckwits and assholes".

Whether that is true or not, it isn't the kind of language I use.

Both were short conversations.....

ElizaEmma​(sub female){NotLooking} • Mar 29, 2021

Read the profile. I am surprised how often I get messages from Doms who won't even spend a few seconds to read my very short profile.

Not looking means just that. Would I ever change my mind? An absolute possibility. Mais pas aujourd'hui, c'est certain! (Stealing from Bizet). Try to get to know me as a person first, please.

Don't try to impress me with silly toys (one had a Dom wannabe wrote me , "I bought a XYZ car, just to show that the kind of person I am"). He showed me the kind of person he is all right - shallow.

Kelpi • Mar 29, 2021

I find a "hello" is a good way to start things off. Simple easy and it starts a friendship that should it go no where you still have a friend. Having a friend is worth more than having a ton of gold. A friend will be there when the gold is gone and will remind you of all the happy times before you got the gold.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Mar 29, 2021

As creidsinn​ said, I too am old-fashioned. So I'm not the type to hit on a man. The best are those that approach me that are respectful and classy. They indicate in some way that they read my profile. They have "thoughts" about what I said there. They share some of their ideas and if they seem intelligent and aren't being desperate, odd, or crude I'll respond. It's easy to tell if the person writing to you is at ease with themselves. There is a sense of confidence to them and I naturally want to respond.

Miki • Mar 30, 2021

"Respectfully" has already been used but I'll add a qualifier, a greeting, not a come-on. No immediate talk of kink, regardless of the nature of this site, and of course a willingness to accept, after saying "Hello", that I am only in here for conversation or to see what's on the forums I might be able to add to, and that otherwise I am not "available".

I have actually had a friend or two in here I only had "normal" (some label it "vanilla") conversations.

What I do when approached

SinMaster • Mar 30, 2021

I start with a question,
Like “what happened that made you come into the lifestyle.”
When they start telling you why you can start with your questions on what they are saying.
It works for me and most of the time gets her to slow down and to listen to what I’m saying.