Is Chivalry Dead?

Is Chivalry Dead?

aliljaded​(sub female) • Apr 1, 2021

Chivalry;
Men behaving courteously toward women — holding the door for them, offering them their jackets when it's cold — is called chivalry. Many women consider chivalry a lost art.
In my opinion, I think that It's becoming a lost art. Nowadays men walk through doors before me and cut in line ahead of me. It's really quite disturbing. So why is this happening? Are they in a rush? Or, do they just not get "IT"?

Is chivalry dead? Is it a lost art?

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Apr 1, 2021

I wouldn’t say dead. It is being passed down - but such a large number of individuals are learning social interactions online and via texting/messaging. Especially in this age of the pandemic and social distancing. My nephews are extremely courteous to men and women, holding the door and politely offering greetings. It really is a learned trait - but the younger generations are online and I would say this is a skill set best learned in person.

I do agree way too many of the younger generation are not learning it though. I would say the just do not get “IT” as they aren’t learning it first hand.

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Apr 1, 2021

I can only say I open doors, open car doors, offer handkerchiefs, etc. for women (and ESPECIALLY for any woman I am involved with). I don't know what other guys do, since I don't base my actions on the actions of others.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 1, 2021

I do it when circumstances allow. I have over the years had women, I don't know, shout at me that they are perfectly capable of opening a door etc. I was raised to be courteous, give up a seat for an older person, open doors etc, so when possible I do it. However I do it for anyone, not just women.

aliljaded​(sub female) • Apr 1, 2021

I absolutely agree with you. It is a learned trait. I think social media is killing chivalry
I raised two sons that are gentlemen, in every way that a man can be one. I think it's up to us as parents to impress these values on our children.

MisterAshmodai​(dom male) • Apr 1, 2021

I don’t know if it is chivalry that is dying specifically, so much as the subtle art in general.

With the onset of the Information Age, our affinity for critical thinking is diminishing, our role models become blatant, and our patience dwindles.

We are losing the ability to understand and recognize nuance. We use vast knowledge, untempered by wisdom, to analyze the actions of others and come to conclusions most in common with paranoia. Men view other polite men as weak or submissive, women view polite men as having ulterior motivations. An attractive woman may ignore a homely man who holds a door for her, because she has been taught by a cynical society that any acknowledgement of his good deed is somehow consent on her part to intimate attention she does not want from him.

On the other side of the coin, more and more men are operating under the mindset that a few simple acts of kindness are enough to win these intimate attentions, and that refusal on the part of the woman is a sign that she (and women in general) no longer desires this sort of behavior.

This can be tied into our societal disdain for a full, undoctored study of the humanities. At some point, this undertaking was labeled as boring and inefficient in a modern, productive society. We need to start including it again.

Chivalry or good manners though?

DorianGrayUK​(switch male) • Apr 1, 2021

I have always thought that hoping open a door was more kindness and good manners though, it just seems rude to let it shut in their face. It's something that I would also do for anyone.

I would also give up my seat for anyone who I think needs it more, age, disability or pregnancy. Though I am in the habit of standing on public transport from when I get on unless there are plenty of spare seats.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Apr 1, 2021

IMO women shouldn't get special treatment. Not just for being what they are. "Just existing" isn't a good enough reason.

REGARDLESS of gender, if you like someone, do nice things for them. This goes for men AND women alike. As well as transvestites.

I'm male myself. I want nice things done for me too. I also want to please others when I'm looked after. I don't call this chivalry. I call this looking after each others wants/needs and making each other aware. I don't generalise. I be specific/clear.

Generalised labels don't help. What's "nice" for person A? Could be harmful to person B. Did you ASK or otherwise tell/inform? Check in on a case by case bases first and foremost. If someone says "I want to do it myself" then let them do things themselves. If they TELL (or ask/inform you) to do something, then it's clear they WANT you to do something.

Don't assume. Make sure you ask or get told. And try things out of course (but without assuming it's good or bad. Think of it as testing). But if you're being "too nice" then you could end up "coddling" someone. And that can be hated. It's like how a parent might only ever hand hold you. Got to do your own things. For better and for worse.

And personally I'm not going to coddle someone. BUT if a person uses a combination of intimidation and affection to get me to do things for them that's fine. Playful context even if serious. This way they make effort. I put in effort. Logically it works out. Because this way it's "Effort for results". And even making it happen can be fun and flirty/affectionate.

Really, it's going to depend on the situation.

CSI • Apr 1, 2021

I certainly hope not. I enjoy gentlemen and caring actions. I don't think all is lost. I hope that we, as humans, keep doing nice things for one another and inspire others to pass it on.

Tthomas • Apr 1, 2021

I agree with some of the comments that were posted before about being online more often. Most people will do and say things online that they would never think of in a public setting. I also think that it is a lack of a role model in young men’s lives. Before I get a bunch of responses saying my son, nephew or brother were raised without a father and he has great manners let me explain. Even though I think this a major problem I am not just talking about fathers. Teachers, neighbors, the men you date, any older male that a boy has in his life can be a role model. Sure it helps that mother’s , sisters and aunts will tell him how to behave it has no where near the impact from seeing someone he respects being polite.

It’s not just opening doors. Wearing a hat during dinner in a nice restaurant. Not pulling over to help a female on the side of the road. Thanking a veteran for his service. Giving up your seat to someone that might need it more. My all time favorite is giving a simple complement to a stranger. He will see you open doors for someone more often than anything else. That’s a good place to start.