How do you meet someone in real life

Jack of all doms​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2021

I met someone here hanging out in chat, reading blogs,p & forums.

I am not especially attractive so I don't get many messages and generally I have to take the initiative. The con is is I doubt I get nearly the opportunities you do. The pro is I don't get people who just want me for one particular aspect of myself like my looks or my money.

I've found honesty and sincerity get me the furthest. I only reach to people I feel are looking for what I am offering. I've found the Lobby the best place to get to know people, not just from their interactions with me but watching how they interact with others.

People often reveal a lot about themselves just how they treat others, especially those they are not interested in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. There is a lot of truth I'm the aphorism "if you want to know how someone really thinks of themselves and others, watch how they treat those of whom they are expecting nothing from."

Good luck in your search.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Apr 5, 2021

As stated above be yourself and breath.
I will agree that with everything going on has made things hard. .I was lucky I met mine before long before everything started.

I would add that while at this time meeting the close you maybe hard because of closing of things. Focus on trying to spend time on chatting we ppl u are within a traveling distance. So that you can meet ( and perfer to try to chat with those who want to meet in person atleast in the future at some time )

Meaning some perfectly enjoy the online even if they lived in same city . While some want to have/need to the in person . So be up front when chatting and state that if things end up going well you would like to meet in person.

And yes sometimes it is as easy as an accidentally bump into someone at grocery store or such

Miki • Apr 5, 2021

Perhaps oversimplified, but a more direct answer to the original question:

How to meet people IRL.

(Once COVID is in the rearview for the most part of course)

Shut down the gadgets and toys, go out into the real world and be yourself. Keep your expectations reasonable and sooner or later you'll quite likely bump into someone you'll like, purely by accident.

Once this happens, one would want to keep a good thing going. Again, being genuine is not only a great place to start, it's a great way to keep a good thing going--- and/or prevent one from making a mistake, as there will be times that first spark you get fizzles when deeper aspects of a given personality manifest themselves.

It's totally OK to not mesh after a while. The fly in the soup is when either or both try to force it.

And when on a date, leave the freakin' smartphone in your back pocket, in Silent mode. Tell friends and family you're busy and whatever they want to say can wait.

Waaaayy too often I see couples, families, or even coworkers sitting at a table, fork in one hand, phone in the other. Both are physically present but their minds are miles apart. Ludicrous, in my book.

If someone absolutely, positively must get hold of you, the gizmo is in your back pocket. It'll vibrate and tickle whichever ass-cheek that's behind the pocket you put the smartphone in--- and you'll not miss the message or call.

* * * *

Of course I do have a friend or my sister text me an hour into a given date just in case the dude turns out to be a jerk or smells like dirty underwear-- "Oh I'm sorry, that's my boss. I have to go in for a couple hours and straighten out ______."

I know that's an old trick that potential Underwear Breath likely knows all about, but it's the best way to beat feet quickly, and a lot better than getting up to "freshen up" and run out the door leaving the poor sap sitting and waiting for a dinner date who will never return.

That's a cold, asinine thing to do even if the guy isn't what you would want to scrape off your shoe, let alone take home afterwards.

$0.02

Sirr​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2021

I'm fairly new here but no matter if weeet online and start that way. I found texting too long is not going to work. Texts can be taken the wrong way and it's over before it starts. But even in just online dating sites,I will text at first but after a very short time I ask to talk on the phone. If they are interested they will talk on the phone. But after shortly I just ask them for dinner. To meet face to face and see if we click. Once we go to dinner and click then we begin growing and going to dinner talking face to face about likes,dislikes, Expirence,etc... Then it should naturally progress from there. I'm in my early 40's and back in the day ( lol, I feel old now) No one texted and thought the person was a nutjob.You just met them out and started talking,if we clicked great if not We said good luck and moved on. This is my opinion only but there are so many women that want to know every detail about me before meet and they usually end up never meeting. Just my opinion. Have a great day.

Miki • Apr 5, 2021

Sir has a sensible approach. If one must start online, try and move it to reality as quickly as feasible. Of course in the context of long distance online, it can become problematic.

But people were able to meet and either click or not long before the days of the Net and of course the advent of smart phones.

What was meant to augment existing patterns and facilitate meetings has become, for a few, a dependency. KIK, Face Time and all that all too quickly replaced the face to face, "Let me smell your breath before you kiss me" aspect of meeting up in reality. (which, be warned, is oft a mistake.. but in so doing you prevent a bigger one.)

That's just my 2 pennies. One can easily tell I'm rather biased towards IRL over buzz-buzz-zap-zap Poof!

Re: How do you meet someone in real life

acquiesced​(sub male) • Apr 5, 2021

The OP set off my bs meter, but I will chime in here.

Online meeting IS real life. The meeting part that is. The difference is that it's harder (or takes more work) to validate that someone is who they say they are online vs. in an person meeting. You can be fooled in person too, just takes less work to verify them. Online has it's own chemistry, which is often more accurate than in person chemistry for certain things (sapiosexuality, for example).

Online meeting is, in my opinion, a good 'first step' in getting to know someone for an eventual in person meeting. It can be hard because we often don't ask the right questions and just jump right into the juicy stuff.

SubJo • Apr 6, 2021

Thank you for all the replies, I guess I'm just tired of the online thing as this is actually all I have ever done because of the distance thing. I am late to this lifestyle, and the online thing is like having to look and smell a piece of chocolate cake but never getting to taste it. All my relationships has actually only been "conventional", and with my ex husband I would say I was even the dominant in many ways. Towards the end of our relationship we experimented with him being more sexually dom to please me but at some point I realized you can't change a submissive man into a dominant one he can only play a part for my pleasure and that means I was still being the dominant.

There are many factors that makes meeting someone in person more difficult i am living in a small town 6hrs drive from the nearest city, but have a high paying job that makes it difficult to relocate.

Miki • Apr 6, 2021

I can see where being 6 hours from anywhere can be an obstacle, and I sure wouldn't give up a great-paying job just to fool around. But you definitely are very attractive, so, sooner or later (I know easy for me to say but true) you'll find the right one. Whether he's into this BDSM stuff would be a slightly taller order but you won't be alone forever.

dom daddie​(dom male) • Apr 6, 2021

Good answer it takes time to find the right one.

Attaboyforu​(sub male) • Apr 6, 2021

My experience has a few parallels, moving from nyc to the south of France, it isn't Kansas anymore Toto. Different culture, much smaller community, less anonymous and yet I navigate the new waters. It's funny because, not surprisingly, a lot of their kink here is around food and fashion. Pretty hysterical to me, just because it's almost out of a monty python show. Like I said above it's about a relationship regardless of what your "kink" is. Lots of good advice here, which makes the online here better than any other site. For me, my hope is still hanging in there. My girlfriend here, is a peculiar one, we're not monogamous, we're good buddies and don't have the triggers that normally happen. It's funny because although she's not into this, it doesn't matter. It's best described as feral, it doesn't hurt she's a gymnast, acrobat, which is a far better core workout than anything else.

So I think it's about just getting to meet as much as possible and finding your prince or frog.