SageFlame(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Apr 22, 2021
Re: Trust is the key
[quote="xatsmann"]My experience has been submissive are looking for two things: safety and leadership.
Your entire answer helps me understand more. The above quoted stood out for me. You see, I have not formed a handle on the various ways D/ s can be approached. ( other than caution and surrender) I stepped into it as more an unknown adventure. A new trail in unknown territory. Safety and leadership never crossed my mind. I'll bet if I pondered it long enough the two are blended with my needs somewhere. |
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Online now
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SageFlame(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Apr 22, 2021
IowaDom
The more I see how much time and dedication a good Dom brings to the dynamic the more respect is cultivated for those who dominate. So well thought out, so patient, and learned. ( "AFTER getting to know them well" indicates a lesson)
Its a shame stigma keeps some from even considering getting involved with dsbdsm. There are meaningful experiences to be had beyond the skewed images. |
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| luckyman(dom male) |
3 years ago •
Apr 27, 2021
I couldn't agree more. I think you hit the nail right on the Aquilla wrote: How much we could all improve with some more structure in our lives. I'm reminded of my experience in boot camp (long ago) where my life was almost totally structured by the military. What I ate, how I acted, everything. I was made to exercise, study, respect others and learn to be part of a team.
As a result I got leaner, stronger, more focused and learned to do things I didn't know I could do. Now we live lives full of distraction, rarely taking the time to self-improve, to do the things we are passionate about. As a result we are anxious and depressed. BDSM offers an opportunity to provide structure and gives permission for self care, (or else!). Ultimately, as a D we are looking for someone to protect and care for. |
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LordofPain56
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3 years ago •
Apr 30, 2021
Once upon a time, I had a girl who was a total airhead. She was scared of every machine (washing machine, kitchen appliances, automobiles). She wouldn't touch any of them. No problem for me as I always drove, did the laundry and mastered everything else in the house. But I wanted her to learn so she wouldn't be living in fear of these things. I showed her how each item operated being careful to explain everything slowly and in detail and showed her the strong box where all the instructions are kept in case she forgot something, she could look up the answer herself. I also tried to teach her how to drive (an automatic trans). She kept getting confused about which pedal made it go and stop. She couldn't even steer she was so racked with fear. Finally I drove to a large empty parking lot so she could practice. She backed into a concrete light post and demolished the vehicle injuring both of us. She never could find the aptitude to work any of the machines. She wanted a modern programmable sewing machine. I bought her one because she said she knew how to use it. To my knowledge, she never touched it.
I did find success in holding Bible study classes with her in attendance and she was able to correctly answer questions afterward. I also had trained her to do morning exercises using the workout programs on morning TV as a routine, in which I participated with her (except I did different exercises than the girls on TV were doing). In my view, my duties were fulfilled. She couldn't master everything, but no skin off my chin. She was good at learning some things, others not. I believe she excelled in the more important things anyway. I was never cross with her for not being able to achieve. Everybody has different strengths and weaknesses, but I had us covered on all fronts. |
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Aquilla(dom male){ • • •. [}
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3 years ago •
Apr 30, 2021
Halcyon
This makes sense. I can also see some of the challenges my Master faces with me. ( long distance) I am the sole provider for my kids, I also homeschool, and have pro se legsl obligations. Having read this I appreciate his patience much more.
Anxiety and depression I'd like to discuss farther sometime.[/quote Anxiety and Depression are such major drivers in relationships. More so in D/s relationships. I am in the death throes of a 24 year relationship which started in an AOL D/s chatroom. Anxiety was something I did not understand. It was something I could not cure. At some point you come to realize that you cannot save the ship. You either have to swim to shore or die. I may never have another relationship with a woman. I hope I do. I hope I can help someone. My best to you. |
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SageFlame(sub female)
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3 years ago •
Apr 30, 2021
[quote="LordofPain56"] Once upon a time, I had a girl who was a total airhead.
It is a shame when parents or guardians don't teach basic life skills or cultivate autonomy. I am sure she still appreciates the effort you put in to helping her. |
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| Kelpi |
3 years ago •
Apr 30, 2021
This is just me and my thoughts. We all have things in our life that most have buried and hidden. WE all need to work on things in our life not just for ourselves but those we love. If you want a list of what we can do to help you then make a list of what you want to change and show us. Tell us this is what is needed to make you better then take our hand and lets start the journey together. It is not a lonely road but one that takes two. It starts with you talking to us.
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