Dom's wanting submission and trust without earning it

Dom's wanting submission and trust without earning it

SubLoveCle​(sub female) • Jul 18, 2021

I've begun meeting Dom's online and i find over and over, they want alot but offer very little in return. Often they rarely seem interested in taking the time to earn my submission and trust. It's quite annoying. Happily, I'm becoming aware of this trait and learning to avoid it. Dom's can be demanding, which I like in some ways. But very few seem to get that it's a two way thing. Another thing I'm finding is Dom's frequently want u to be their fantasy, but not so interested in learning about who u actually are. To the other subs out there, don't give up your power so easily. Without true respect and trust, it isn't worth it, for me atleast. I'd love to read about other subs experiences with this.

CSI • Jul 19, 2021

It takes a long time to build a bond before entering into a dynamic. I need to know someone as a friend first and be able to actually carry on a conversation with them that has absolutely nothing to do with sex or fantasies. I think with a solid friendship base, you can continue to build both a fulfilling relationship and a wonderful dynamic.

I like to say that anyone can have kinky sex. It takes a whole lot more to make a person attractive and a dynamic worthwhile. As long as everyone is clear about what they need, want, and desire, all the more power to them. I know that I am more than a fantasy fulfiller and a fetish dispenser. I will never be just an object on anyone's shelf. Just my two cents

ThisIsTheWay​(dom male) • Jul 19, 2021

yeah I think the trust and knowing someone is the longest part of it, and unfortunately it means that most guys are not in it for the long haul but are wanting something quick

SynUnrestricted​(dom female) • Jul 19, 2021

Unfortunately this is common in this lifestyle, on both sides of the equation.
I find more often than not that most want the instant gratification because it is online. More importantly they don't seem to want to put effort into anything.

testosteroneandtacos • Jul 19, 2021

I am finding these traits to be with every "classification" of individual. Since I end up speaking with "subs" so often, I find the idealization, projection, and short term assessment of value to be quite prevalent. Quality and effort of communication can also be quite patchy, shallow, or non-existent.

I get the impression there is also often desire to take lead in both directions, which can lead to confusing situations. Say if a sub is behaving in manner because it's what they are assuming they know what a Dom wants, and a Dom is working to be sensitive enough to assert them self while respecting the sub, then they may pace them self based on the false assumptions of the sub. In that case, the sub is subsumming control, which is an insecure power tactic.

A Dom (any person) never knows who they are getting to know until they get to know them. Since there is a spectrum of sub's (any person's) orientation, personality, and expectations, entry level communication can't always be based on assumptions that a correspondent will behave in unison, or understand our needs without a plethora of inputs. To crutch on "sub" or "Dom" roles without first being able and willing to assert one self to establish boundaries and pace may lead to disappointing outcomes. I would default to abundant and excessively clear communication, including input on the other's direction and how it works with you, giving them opportunity to sync up. If anyone is having difficulty understanding them self, or have yet to know their needs and place in a relationship or dynamic, then that should be their first priority, followed by skilled and empathetic participation with their partner.

House Talion​(dom male) • Jul 19, 2021

Ubber-doms

gabriel kerry​(dom male) • Jul 19, 2021

Someone messaged me actually calling me out for not asking questions to get to know her. Asking pertinent questions. She was right but was warned my messages are bland a best. On the same note I did mention it goes both ways.
I have competitive streak but not a trophy seeker.

It's also a game of law and averages. Percentage wise if you go to a bar and ask every women to sleep with you 1 out of 10 will say yes. Sure your face hurts from being slapped but at the end of the night you're most likely having a great time.

Point being most aren't in it to find out who you are, just too lazy to go to the bar. You set the standards for yourself. Best of luck

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jul 19, 2021

These types are often wannabes, horny net guys, and abusers.

Defender​(dom male) • Jul 19, 2021

It is possibly of no compensation to the OP, but subs' behaviour can be equally bad.

It's just that Doms tend to keep it to themselves, rather than post their complaints on here about the behaviour they have experienced .

This leads me to believe that "it comes with the territory".


And we'll just have to get used to it.....

I_am_the_Sea​(sub male){One Day} • Jul 19, 2021

100000% true on both sides of the slash! Oh my goodness...just wow.

Could be just me but I don't do anything unless there is an emotional connection. I have to like you as a person...not just who you say you are...
Not just what you say you can do. Guess what? What you do is common. Who is the person behind it that is special?

I find there is this laziness to the people I talk to. Oh they want it all now but refuse to put in the work to already show me just a little bit who they are. A little vulnerability goes a long way ladies. I'll put in the effort if you do.

But no. You get the usual crap that if you are
not immediately falling on your back with your legs in the air you aren't a "true" submissive. Fuck that noise.

Look, you want a sub? You want a Dom? Put in the fucking work. Stop being lazy and match thier energy level. If they write, they you write. If they need trust, then give them a reason to trust.

And don't forget your manners. Good manners are a sign of intelligence and never cost anything to display.

Whew! Sorry I got a bit "ranty" there. I feel much better now...lol

TLDR: If you do the work...success will find you

Thanks
~I_am_the_Sea