Overly Clingy Sub

Noire{Owned (NH)} • Aug 19, 2021

As a fellow introvert and empath I resonate on being a homebody. When I find someone I care for intensely I spend morning, evening and night giving them my attention. But also when it comes to the attention I need as a submissive, I require that same amount from my chosen partner.

Now my grandmother always said your partner should follow the three P’s of a relationship. Provide, protect and profess their love for you. Now those three words can mean different things to different people. But bless my grannies heart, she also would say when one lacks its like a tower of cards. Eventually it gives way to a sigh of wind.

I only bring that up to say, feeling incredibly connected to your dominant. Is not something you should feel ashamed of. Who ever told you in your past, that the affection you give was “too” much. Was silly for even saying such a thing because they couldn’t return it.

The love and devotion you show to your dominant is always just. But if you feel like the attention you give them is not reciprocated. This will creat a void within yourself and this relationship you’ve cultivated. It would be wise to bring this topic up to your dominant.

Creat a safe space to be honest with one another. About the affection you crave but aren’t receiving, because if they value this dynamic the both of you agreed to. I don’t see why they can’t send a simple “I miss you.” Text while their out. Or even a “I’m thinking about you.” Message to let you know they acknowledge the fact your waiting patiently.

It’s all about the little things. I’m sending positive energy your way and wish you the best of luck.

Re: Overly Clingy Sub

IndomitableCharm​(dom female) • Aug 19, 2021

There is a difference between being introverted and preferring the company of a select few (but still being happy and functional when not immediately in their presence) versus being unhealthily attached to a single person. Given that anytime he leaves you feel this way, that it has previously caused issues, and that you feel unable to make other connections or hobbies for yourself points toward the second. It's not healthy to put all of your emotional needs onto one single person, nor is it fair to them to be expected to carry that. This doesn't necessarily mean that you're not right for one another, but it does indicate that you (perhaps both of you) have some things that you need to work on and work through. I would recommend seeing a counselor for yourself to help you better understand navigating and building healthy relationships. Reach out to some of your other friends - you don't need a huge support system, but a few, quality people is all it takes. Also, try to go back to hobbies that you used to enjoy but haven't touched in a while, or try something you've wanted to do but never have - seek out some things that are your own!

EagerToPleaseYou​(sub female){Not Lookin} • Aug 19, 2021

I love this idea! Thank you!

Re: Overly Clingy Sub

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} • Aug 19, 2021

Thank you. Please do not relate "I am a homebody/introvert" to an excuse that says "I need only one persons attention and I crave it in unhealthy ways... that is not an introvert.

A healthy introvert means I need time away from my partner AS WELL.. not he is the only one I need... that is codepency.

It is very hard to understand why someone you always think about, may not be thinking of you. All you can do to realize, is catch yourself in the act. The next time you go like 4 hours without thinking about him (you wont even realize until it has happened) try and recognize how quickly that time passed and how you wouldnt want to have to feel guilty because you did something for yourself, instead of thinking about your significant other. You wouldnt want them telling you how upset it made them that you dissapearwd for 4 hours... because you were living your best life. That is allowed.

I do this to myself, when I sit looking at a screen for 3 hours wondering why it might be taking someone so long to think about me... but when I do it to them? I know that it isnt malice in my own mind... so it is not malice in theirs either, and it is unfair for you to think they arent choosing you in those times. It is your codependency, and you need to distract yourself.

Ever look up from a book and wonder where the time went?
Ever get lost in a video game and then feel slightly bad because the time got away from you?
Dont put that guilt on them because time is not static in those moments. Realize you would do the same and want forviveness. Then it will be easier to not only offer that to them, but find things of your own to dull his absence with.... I suggest coffee and sunny spots!

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male) • Aug 19, 2021

There is a difference between, I am running late, and a small essay on why I miss you, and you have only been gone an hour.

Being the sole focus, that does not work, it always runs into issues, for to make it work lies must be told, and lies are like making bread from flour that is adulterated, and then adulterating it more, you end up with a rather off texture poor tasting mess, that leaves both feeling betrayed.

Now the romance period, yes one does flirt more then, because you are learning each other and this takes lots of communication. Emotions run high, boundaries are being discovered, as long as it is gentle discoery, and respectful, no problems. During the happy, you are still learning each other, and more communication is needed period, flirty affectionate little texts, with in means, is good.

Some communicate this way, some don't, some keep it up, and some don't. What matters is respectful clear communication, and an ironically a self centered sense of identity is maintained.

BeneathHerNow​(sub male) • Aug 20, 2021

you are not over clingy. You need what you need. Period.
You are perfect and just need what you need.
Now if you can fill the void in other ways then bully for you.
But I think you need and deserve more. Just my opinion.