Ad responses

Ad responses

rapidlyhip​(switch male) • Sep 12, 2021

Slightly venting here.

I’ve tried to respond to personal ads from Dommes but often do not get a response. I take the time to read through ads and profile specs to ensure I’m messaging someone who I could click with based on situation but many messages go unanswered.

I just find it annoying to not get any response. A ‘sorry,
This won’t work’ would be much better than a ghost…

Any Dommes who can comment please do. TIA.

I_am_the_Sea​(sub male){One Day} • Sep 12, 2021

It's the way of the world I'm afraid...

Don't take it personally.

Maybe she hasn't been on for a while
Maybe she already has you blocked
Maybe she is swamped and hasn't had a chance to read it
Maybe she is already talking to someone and wants to focus before entertaining other offers.

Whatever the reason you have the same course of action. That is to simply move on and try with someone else.

It hurts I know. But don't let it get you down. I tell myself that I'm awesome and it just wasn't the right time.

Hope this helps
~I_am_the_Sea

Miki • Sep 12, 2021

My guess is they would be swamped. There are fewer Dommes "available" than most have come to believe based on crap one sees in porn or even regular visual entertainment that portraysthe BDSM scene from outside.. not even looking in.

It closely follows the situation with plain dating sites, complaits about which I hear all the time from guys:

90% or more members are men, and the few women in there aren't available for long--- and the rest are mere shills -- bots usually, sending generic come-ons to which in order to reply, one must pony up for a premium type membership.

This site, not a dating site, doesn't do that, one can communicate freely, and the diff between standard and fee is very slight.

Re: Ad responses

LoyalWolf​(sub male) • Sep 12, 2021

I've spoken to a few people based on the ads and met in real life with one. From this site.
Different people have different obligations in life. Some people, even when we are exchanging messages, do not respond for a day or two. Even on regular dating sites it is much the same way. You might send a text on a Thursday and not get a response until Friday or Saturday.
Dont misunderstand me. You do have a valid point, but this is just the way the world is and the way people are.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Sep 12, 2021

I agree with all above. I'll just throw out one for thing for consideration.
A lot Dommes are just that Dommes, they do not "switch" They list themselves as "Femdom" Femdom implies that men ONLY have one role, that of submissive. You just cut out half of your target market with your name. I'd advise you only it your name if it 100% what you want. I do believe we talked about this once before and you then continued to tell me how submissive you are...again think about that!

also Dommes rarely "chase" even in the BDSM world. they are still women they still wish to teated as such.

Also I'm short on time so this might read as impersonal but I just read your advert. Its sooooo not my intention. I'd love nothing more for every kinkster to find there match. Its not personal.

Your add reads (as of now)

Seeking online submission - 40 y/o
hello. I've had only marginal luck in the past so i'm hoping reposting will work. I'm seeking online domination, including JOI, tease/denial and the like. to be upfront i am married but in a very vanilla relationship. I was in a dynamic recently but my former Domme's schedule didn't work. I'm certain she'd provide reference though. I am here and on skype and Kik.


Some Dommes are sticklers for grammar like spelling and capital use. Your add has a few, so what do your message contain? are you cutting and pasting, treating each as a new person? . It can make Dommes think, if you cant pay attention to small details than what about big ones that matter to HER.

Starting at the beginning of your advert, every statement you make is about YOU but yet you trying to attract some one to you. Femdom is about her needs and yours, blending. You don't mention ANYTHING regarding HER. You are reads like your looking for a sex dealer not a human. Sorry again not meant to hurt.

firstly you also state in the negative "how you've had no luck" putting out a negative FIRST you already tell the reader your not worth the effort (again sorry I am trying to help you)

then you ask for Jack off instructions and to be entertained with tease and denial (for a Domina this is a massive work load and rarely contains anything for HER pleasure) ..think about it! How does that read? Again what in this for HER. So far its all YOU statements.

Next you want online only...then if the reader further reads, you what the Female to be your dirty little secret because your married (even if you partner is consenting, you just made it appear differently) so in essence your telling her she will come third on you list of priorities (After YOU and then after your wife) Little lesson in life in this day age NO woman let alone a Domina want to play second or third fiddle.

then you tell us all how you had this dynamic but the other Domina bailed on you due to her schedule? Again see how that reads!

You might be the nicest guy on the planet but unless you put your BEST self out there and get seen in the right light, this approach will rarely stand out.

Again sorry if hurts your feeling it is not my intention.

House Talion​(dom male) • Sep 12, 2021

Most ppl like that are either not on the site anymore or dont care to respond to anyone they havnt messaged first which is just plain rude.

Sasa​(dom female) • Sep 12, 2021

I can't speak for the person you are looking for, but for me, you have a lot of red flags... You're married, online-only, seems the domme has to perform for what you enjoy... That you think you are a switch, mmmh. I don't switch, but know men who think they are doms and aren't. I don't know if I would want a switch who tells me to kneel cause we change the rules, lol ... if dommes want something raw and primal, every submissive is still a full man and able to enjoy it.

I don't know what you wrote, but I receive all between "hello" and 2-meter letters with detailed instructions on what they want me to do. At its best, I shake my head or laugh, but I don't answer. IF I answer, I'm the bitch anyway. The guy with the endless list was only angry cause the letter took him so much time... and believe me, I was nice and friendly.

I understand your frustration. Maybe you think about the few things you are able to change. Good luck.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Sep 13, 2021

Also an after thought... Most will check your profile. See how long you've been here and look how "community" involved you are. I always tend to read profiles and look at what they have posted previously. Past posts say so much, a lack of posts even more if your looking for a well round sub. If they have been on site for awhile and yet haven't got evolved in conversations. Then it's a red flag to me too as Sasa said. People that want the lifestyle tend to join in with the community they claim to want to so badly.
Use all the tools at your disposal. Post. Join chat. Make friends. Contact potentials.. But do it all so you stand out for all the right reasons.
Best of luck, if you want this lifestyle bad enough you can make it happen
. It just takes EFFORT if you don't want effort 3.95 a minute for JOI is sometimes easier.

VelvetGlove​(dom male) • Sep 13, 2021

I'd like to add that different people have different communication styles. I like the written word and I think I'm pretty good at communicating through language, but some people aren't. I'm not sure what those folks can do on a site like this one where the main method of communication available is language. Use more pics and art? I spent many years working with a modern dance company and very few of the dancers and choreographers could speak or write clearly about their thoughts and feelings. I reasoned that that's why they became dancers and choreographers. They needed another way to express themselves.

That said, I find it very hard to connect with someone here if they aren't good at using language to express themselves. I find myself dragging answers out of them and I eventually stop trying. YMMV.