Aftercare While Long Distance

Aftercare While Long Distance

SoftDomT​(switch female){Seeking Ne} • Oct 1, 2021

Hi everyone,

So I'm trying to find out more information about different styles of domming and aftercare. Im really new to being a dom so researching is just information overflow with all the new things.

My main concern right now is aftercare for my sub. Since we live far from each other, I'm struggling with ways to make sure he's taken care of. We do some things that are a bit strenuous on him, but I don't know how to make sure he doesn't hurt himself or feel neglected.

Anyone else have any experience with aftercare while long distance with some tips for me?

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2021

It can be just talking about what you both liked or just pillow talk. If he likes baths, you could have him take a bath and make him a playlist to listen to. Have him put refreshments close to him before you start so that he has treats waiting for him.

Mufasadagreat • Oct 1, 2021

Text him kind words through out the day like how proud you are of him. You happy that he your sub etc..

MrVesper​(dom male){Not Lookin} • Oct 1, 2021

If you're on cam or through voice, allow yourself enough time to talk after the session/scene. many times its enough to just be there vs talking.
Show you're appreciation and be flexible during the session and after. Its hard when you're remote on both of you.
Email, text, show that you are present and dont allow distance to be the obstacle.
The worst part with distance is lack of touch. sound obvious? overcompensate with words and actions.
Do not allow them to feel isolated. If your in far different time zones, try and leave them something for when they wake or coming home from work.
Dont make it all about domination when your sharing time with each other.
Even though You are topping, distance can put a tremendous amount of pressure on you as well. its just as easy for you to top drop as it is for him to sub drop. with this in mind, its important there is a balance. Its easy for simple misunderstandings to blow up into something completely unexpected.

With distance as in life, aftercare is full-time. Care and mindfulness should permeate the entire relationship, not just shown after discipline or intense training.

Jareth​(dom male) • Oct 1, 2021

Let him know clearly that you are pleased. That you are happy. All too often we forget during aftercare that our submissive just did what we demanded to please us. We say that we are proud or tell them what a good submissive they are and those are important things to say, but remember that his goal, his happiness, rests with knowing he has served you well. Do not forget to let him have his joy in your pleasure.

As for him physically hurting himself, research whatever activity you have him doing and the possible dangers. Make sure he is prepared beforehand to take care of himself in whatever way is necessary and stay with him while he does.

TheChimera​(sub female) • Oct 1, 2021

As someone who's dated and done things long distance, a few things that helped me with aftercare is:

Make sure your sub has something that soothes them, be it a favorite blanket to wrap up in, a stuffie, comfort food, worry stone, something.

Praise, Praise, Praise - Tell them how proud and happy with them you are.

I always advocate doing something together. Watching a movie, TV show,etc (there's lots of apps you can share and watch movies together at the same time)
Or even playing a video game together.

Hope this helps!

littleMagpie​(sub female) • Oct 2, 2021

We always used to do shower time after play, he’d make sure I was past the shakey bit and all snuggled in bed and we’d video call while he goes for a shower, and he’d tell me all the mushy things lol.
Worked because I’m not massively talky after and it gave us that kinda intimate connection without needing to talk or do anything major.
Consistently checking in after that.
Making sure I knew I could call him if I needed or wanted him when we were ending our call.
Leaving messages for when I wake up.

EagerToPleaseYou​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 3, 2021

I appreciate a Dom who takes time to make sure I'm ok and not rush to end the call. Just talking, asking the sub if they're ok, reminding them to take it easy and drink water. Just showing that you care is so important.

I'mME • Dec 11, 2021

The obvious answer is:
Have you asked your sub what they would like, what would make them feel safe, what do they need?
This should be a talk when you two are sitting down relaxed and as equals.

If they are doing tasks at your direction that may hurt them, then a meta conversation about aftercare should be a cinch.

Petra​(sub female) • Dec 16, 2021

As a submissive in a long distance relationship something my dom and I have done since the beginning is movies. So after a scene we will either stay on call, video chat, text whatever we happen to be using for that scene and will get onto one of the streaming services we both have/share and will select a movie to watch. Sometimes these are ones I pick (in advance sometimes or just whatever I feel like in the moment) other times he will pick something he knows I like and we will watch and discuss the movie through out together. It definitely helps me to relax and come back down after a scene to just have some relaxation time with him.