New domme

New domme

BadBloodThirty​(dom female) • Oct 12, 2021

Hi everybody,

I’ve been looking on the internet for some advice on female dom/ male sub relationships and ended up here. I hope you can help me.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years with two beautiful children. He has always been a little different than my other sexual partners, meaning he’s never really ‘rough’ with me. He’s a respectable guy, a little too nice for me in bed.

We have tried kinkier stuff and I’ve noticed that me taking the lead turns him on immensely. He has begged me a couple of times in bed to hurt him, which caught me off guard in the moment. I have already pegged him, fisted him in the past and he enjoys it a lot. The fact that he enjoys it turns me on more than the actual anal play (the pegging I liked, the fisting makes me uncomfortable- which I have told him). I do get turned on by him giving me his all.

This weekend we had a deep conversation about our sexual interests and he finally opened up to me that he wants to be dominated but he’s scared of my reaction.

Since we’ve done a lot of unusual stuff in bed and I love him dearly, I am willing to try that. HOWEVER I have no idea how to start this. I am not sure if it’s in my nature as well, I do not dislike the thought of it (seen some documentaries that I thought hmm, this is interesting) so I am willing to try. I know we should have another conversation about what he actually wants me to do specifically.

My question is, where to start? How to build this up?

I do am scared that if this doesn’t work out, our relationship wouldn’t work out so I feel slightly pressured, which I know is not healthy. I want to enter this with an open mind and give it a go.

I do not our first session to be super hardcore, I want to take baby steps.

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Oct 12, 2021

Super cool to hear that you're making changes like this!
There are a lot of aspects to domination/submission and you don't need to tap into all of them in order to have a good time. If slapping or name-calling or rope tying isn't your or his thing, those aren't necessary parts that you're depriving him of, they're just optionals that you're not interested in using. So, when building up towards... whatever the end goal is, whether that's a particular strength of domination or particular activity, you don't need to hit every step on the staircase, just the ones you want to.

Going from a conventional relationship I'd probably start with traditionally masculine loving, so firm hands when you grip him. Don't ask him to turn over - grab the hips and push him over. No need to lose communication by any means, but establish yourself as the deciding force of where the sex is going. There are parts of the body that are center points from where, from the perspective of the sub, it feels like control is being removed - the back of the neck and head, above the sternum (high, below the neck, otherwise it's just a typical chest palm), directly above the penis, and high on the thighs are some of my personal spots. They're not traditional locations to be held because, if they're held firmly, they inhibit movement. I'm not some expert though, these are just personal notes - take them with a grain of salt, ahah.

I'm personally a very big fan of groping, so maybe try working that into the foreplay if you're comfortable with it. It sets the tone and implies that you're in control of when sexual things can begin, or that your desires are perhaps more important than his.

You didn't mention any of the more specific fetishes so I don't know what you mean by "super hardcore", nor what he's interested in when he says "dominate", BUT nonetheless, in my opinion domination as a concept is an approach to intimacy, rather than a subset of fetish. What I mean is that it's possible to feel completely dominated without a partner being in a sexy uniform, or telling you to eat dirt, or chaining you to the wall, etc. - it's a feeling.

Hope this helps, good luck c:

nuovacane​(switch male) • Oct 12, 2021

I'm not an expert but pegging and fisting is a pretty serious start to submitting and it's great that you appreciate how he is giving himself to you. Maybe start off with some spanking> Maybe go through some catalogues or websites to see what kind of equipment he'd like to try

Closetedfreak • Oct 13, 2021

It may sound cliche but communication is the key. If he's anything like me the more aroused he is the more the truth will come out. Tell him you will consider this new direction in your relationship and start by tying him to the bed. Tease him until he's about to pop, then keep him on the edge as you ask him about what he fantasizes about and what sites he's been looking at. (because he has been) Make him open up about masturbating when you didn't know it and what he thinks about as he does this.

See what he reveals then reward him for his openness then tell him you'll explore this on your terms and time frame. No need to dive in until you've had time to think and plan.

Closetedfreak • Oct 13, 2021

Badbloodthirty,

Don't think of this as something your partner is asking you to do for him. See it as a gift he is trying to give you. If you do it right this really could be a great start of something that works for YOU.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 14, 2021

This is super cool! Thanks for sharing so openly.

It sounds like you are both open-minded, respectful toward each other and effective communicators. These are strong foundations that will allow you both to explore without compromise to your relationship. Taking things slow and investigating D/s dynamics (psychology, approaches, kinks, safety) will provide clarity and assurance.

Perhaps explore ways to approach play together. Erotica, other people's experiences and good porn can help the dialogue of likes, dislikes and hard limits. I find FF D/s is a really good entry point for lighter, sensual domination.

All the best and enjoy the ride.

House Talion​(dom male) • Oct 14, 2021

Bind him to the bed and flog him till he begs for more. Then grab a ball gag with reins, throw on a strap on and teach him to trot while being pegged. When that's done flip him over, blind fold him and ride him with light face slaps while asking him "who's cock is this"