Red flags? Green flags?

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2021

Funny, I didn't know there were 3 of each. I've had many more red flags than 3 at times and never counted the green.

So many red flags have already been covered. But some of the things that just shut me off...

crudeness, ignorance, misogynistic talk
calling me good girl, or lil' one out of the gate especially if you are much younger than I LOL
Attempts to isolate by trash-talking other s types or resources
No evidence that you learned anything from your last bad breakup. Or, always blaming others for your troubles.

Fixers. They have their own issues but they want to fix/rescue you, manage your money, be your free therapist, help you lose weight etc.

The famous line, "I say we talk and see where it goes" after it's already been established that we are too far apart in distance, age, or experience.

Those with no connection, friendships, or involvement in anything real-time as far as the lifestyle goes.
Bedroom-only players who shy away from scrutiny or being "seen" with you in public.
Men who want to tell me all their issues and then bond over mine.

Telling me you grew up in a Ds household. I don't believe and never will believe in exposing children to adult dynamics. People who say this would never say they watched their parents have sex, so why is this claim any more comforting? I find it a huge red flag. If it's true I don't want to know you. If it's a lie, I don't get close to liars.

I'm sure there are many more.

DrWakko • Nov 2, 2021

Red flag:
1. No profile
2. Unwilling to go to local events/munches
3. “Cyber only”

Green flags:
1. Able to hold a discussion
2. Has life vision/goals
3. Being not afraid to be wrong or show me where I went wrong.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Nov 2, 2021

No number restrictions or suggestion of form (such as the old 3 body paragraph essay). But limiting it to 3 each for a discussion seemed appropriate. I was also thinking perhaps it might be interesting to reflect on which are the most important to the individual. Red flags are always spoken about but including green flags seemed more harmonious and less cynical.

SubtleHush: 'Fixer' - great observation and description. This is common but rarely mentioned. Healthy/unhealthy past or existing relationships is definitely a big fat red flag as well as how quickly a new relationship is formed after the end of the previous.

DrWakko: totally agree with all 3 green flags.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2021

Betty Tails​(sub female)

SubtleHush: 'Fixer' - great observation and description. This is common but rarely mentioned. Healthy/unhealthy past or existing relationships is definitely a big fat red flag as well as how quickly a new relationship is formed after the end of the previous.
....

Vanilla or here there are people who trade up before they break up. They seem loath to be alone with themselves. Not to mention how unkind it is to all others involved.

Always a flag to me.

Someone I'd known casually invited me to go to a wedding with him. I pointed out his profile said attached. "Isn't she going with you?" I fished. He said, "she thinks she is but I have to tell her it's over."

Whoa, pump those breaks. I don't think I spoke to him again.

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2021

I thought of another one but I guess it’s not really a red flag. Turns me off though. When a Dom doesn’t “believe in” toys. Don’t be threatened by a magic wand, you big bad Dom.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 2, 2021

Doesn't "believe in" toys? What the fuck does that even mean? Doms have actually said that to you?

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2021

“ Doesn't "believe in" toys? What the fuck does that even mean? Doms have actually said that to you?”

I don’t know where my quote button is so I’m doing it like this.
Yes I’ve actually had Doms say that before. One from here. He claimed to know lots of ways to give a woman an orgasm and using toys was laziness.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Nov 2, 2021

I wish they were imaginary; then I wouldn't need to spend so much money on my pleasure.

* I'll spend all my money if the alternative is reliance on others for fulfillment. That would be a pretty fucked up world, right!?!?!!?

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 2, 2021

Noooo toys are FUN!
(hey, didn't I just see you somewhere else a minute ago? hahaha)

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 2, 2021

Exactly! Plus I will freely admit if I can lay there and let my toy do all the work in less time and effort than my fingers, I’m going to take that option. Call me lazy. I don’t give a fuck.