tallslenderguy(other male) |
2 years ago •
Feb 12, 2022
Finding a mate
2 years ago •
Feb 12, 2022
tallslenderguy(other male) • Feb 12, 2022
This is sort of a core and common topic on this site. Even if one is not looking for a mate, most here are interested in relationship with kinky elements.
One of my take aways, in my journey/process of self discovery and coming to a place of self acceptance, has been the practice of examining and questioning the status quo. i think most assumptions about relationship are unconscious, and yet they dictate and control so many of our decisions and choices when looking for or selecting a mate. i think one of the advantages to being kinky (read: "different from the 'norm') is our differences give us a different perspective, and make it easier to see and question what most just accept as normal. Yet, even with that advantage, we seem to often work to conform or fit our kinks into the 'normal' way of doing relationship. E.g. we go online, write a profile, look for 'the one,' etc., etc. ad infinitum. People get chided, disdained, even ostracized for breaking the rules of the norm, without us even being aware that we are doing it a lot of the time. With that preamble, here's where this is going: i recently googled the top reasons for divorce. Granted, not all are looking for marriage, but marriage is just a form of relationship. If one is looking for a type of relationship, some of the same stuff may apply? i'm convinced that one of the reasons it's often so hard to find "the right" mate is because we adopt and are using the same methods of relationship that haven't been successful, even in 'normal' culture. i'll reference it below, but most of the articles i have read on top reasons for divorce are pretty consistent. The number one reason is "infidelity" (read: "sex"), the second is finances, third communication. Sounds familiar, eh? Yet, we keep doing relationship the same way, even though half of marriages result in (often bitter) divorce. We put a proflle together with pics and text about walks on the beach or gardening, yet none of those things are ever listed on reasons for separation lol. Kink sites are sometimes a little better, with some venturing to talk about sex a bit. But why not be open, emphasize and upfront the stuff that ends up separating people later on? Why do we still approach relationship as something we "fall" into (i.e., "fall in love") as though it were an inevitable cliff or hazard of living? Vs taking a rational approach and looking for compatibility in the areas that affect bonding and sustainability. https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/ |
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