INSTA._________ WTF???

INSTA._________ WTF???

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Feb 19, 2022

I remember once reading a comment from a member here I truly admire that went something along the lines like:

Why use the term Insta at all? We all started off new and jumped in at some point....

So, with taking that into consideration, doesn't that make us ALL "instas" at some point? Why do we put such a negative connotation to something that is beautiful - being new and curious?

Don't get me wrong, I know all too well there are people "pretending" to be in the lifestyle or give themselves a self proclaimed title, where in fact they're just predators looking for prey (not in the good way). But are they Insta? I would think not in the slightest as most of those predators have a few "notches in their belt" (this is for all genders of any side of the slash).

So, my question is: What do you consider "insta" and is it a negative term? If yes, why?

Re: INSTA._________ WTF???

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Feb 19, 2022

For me the usage of "insta" in front of a title means exactly what you posited about pretending and self proclaimed titles. I've never used it in any other way. I look forward to hearing others' replies.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 19, 2022

I don't believe so, yes we were all new, all made mistakes, but jumping into an inbox, mostly of someone not known, and throwing oneself as sub, calling them master, sir etc or demanding submission that a title be used is crass, lazy and very, very off.

So insta is a negative type of behaviour. I usually block these attempts, though if my mood is good I might try and explain why its not cool, and then block them.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Feb 19, 2022

As I read it, “Insta” does not necessarily imply new, rather more an entitled disposition that translates into a self absorbed and inconsiderate approach. I’ve encountered plenty of noobs who were not “insta” in their approach or expectations.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Feb 19, 2022

For me the term 'insta' comes from instantly. It suggests immediacy and without time spent preparing for something. I interpret 'insta' as someone who is seeking the immediate gratification rather than prepared to deeply learn for long-term commitment to BDSM.

That's my understanding of the term. I am hesitant to throw it around as I believe it is overused and creates a sort of scapegoat or pedestal effect to displace poor behaviour or make one look more competent. It does not speak to the poor behaviour as unacceptable but rather makes the problem about an illusive group of people that are labelled in this abstract way. In my opinion the use of the term causes issues and I cannot see the benefit from its use. This points to a wider problem of using language in a way that renders it meaningless.

CSI • Feb 19, 2022

I have always perceived "insta" as being predictive of instantly. Like insta dom(me)s want submission, nudes, titles, subs throwing themselves at them instantly (and vice versa for the other sides of the slash). Or those that were "trained" solely through the use of Instagram and tumblr memes, rather than through research and real life. This is a very interesting question though and I will have to do some more thinking.

No Body​(dom male) • Feb 20, 2022

Being new is great and curiosity did not always kill the cat, but the cat learned from it. Jumping into the pool is great as long as you know how to swim, or you know how tall you are. If you 12' 3" you going to be good. There are things you just don't jump into.

Re: INSTA._________ WTF???

Master Fyre​(dom male) • Feb 20, 2022

OP edited for convenience of response:


Insta does not mean "new" or novice. We all started out somewhere, but to me, and this is my own humble opinion, "insta" is only applied to the dominant side of the slash, and when applied it always has a negative connotation.

"Instas" are those who day one are in private messaged demanding honorifics, nudes, groveling, and other things without getting to know whom they are talking to. Nothing in this lifestyle is automatic. Submission is a form of respect, and not everyone who claims to be dominant is deserving of that respect. Dynamics are also built on trust. An "insta" has no time for trust. In their mind, because they claim it, it must be true, and everyone must acknowledge it as truth. As the truth, it gives them carte blanc to act how they want, because anyone who questions their behavior is wrong.

Re: INSTA._________ WTF???

Morley​(sub female){Max Sterne} • Feb 20, 2022

Thank you everyone - I am loving all these responses and examples. 🙂

@Master Fyre (edited to ask specific question)



Would you kindly elaborate on why you feel the term "insta" is only applied to Dominants and not submissives? In your (well put) example of what the "insta-Dom/me" demands; could the submissive not be just as demanding wanting instant Dominance?

Re: INSTA._________ WTF???

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Feb 20, 2022

I believe there is a parallel presentation for submissives, Morley. With subs, I'd include they really aren't interested in D/s but see it as a way to solicit some man into doing their adulting for them, relieving them of taking responsibility for their own lives, and providing unlimited attention, mind and body nourishment, and never ending orgasmic delights. In short - they're looking to be taken care of under the guise of they're being willing to "serve" in an offhanded capacity - only putting as little effort as it takes to get their own needs met.