Neediness in Submissives

Neediness in Submissives

miss akairose​(sub female) • Apr 4, 2022

I've been in an online LD D/s relationship for a month now, its been a few years since I had my previous one. I don't have a lot of experience ( 2-3 months in my previous dynamic), and one of the reasons I stopped the dynamic was because of how it made me feel. Needy.

My current dominant is very sweet and caring. In the beginning (around one week) of our getting to know each other phase, we talked to each other constantly. I mean CONSTANTLY for hours on end. Getting to know ours likes/ dislikes, kinks, things in the vanilla world etc. Even though we premised it on the term "friends", we found each other extremely compatible and decided to give D/s a go.
Slowly now that the getting to know each other phase is kinda coming to an end, I FEEL like, I only get my dominant's full attention during our "sessions" and we have a "update" of our day, how it went now and then during the day etc. I know this is good and he is trying his best and I also completely understand our time difference, his work, other responsibilities and I know that I shouldn't be "needy" or want his attention constantly.

I also sometimes give in to it and ask him if he has time to talk to me and give me his complete attention and when he says he can't I don't push it. I give him space. But it doesn't stop my "neediness" and my feeling of not having my emotional needs met. I don't want to talk to my dominant because I feel it's too soon to even feel this way. It's downright embarrassing to accept it and I hate coming out as a "needy" person so I play it cool as much as I can.

So my question for both Doms and subs I guess,
Is it normal to feel like this? And how do I handle my "neediness"?

House Talion​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2022

Depends on your experience and self control.

Pragmaticdom​(dom male){Princessli} • Apr 5, 2022

This is very normal thing in long distance relationships, at least in my experience. A great way to solve not getting enough attention is having a conversation with your Dom and try to schedule times where you two can just focus on each other and talk. I know you think it's early, but communicating the expectations you have of him and those he has of you is very important for preventing problems from happening, addressing problems early if they occur, and ultimately will help determine long term compatibility.

Hope this rambling mess helped

Noire{Owned (NH)} • Apr 5, 2022

Hello!
It’s nice to meet you and I wanted to share some words. From one submissive to another.

In my experience I am a Princess submissive. I thrive off of the consistent attention and adoration my dominant gives me. Hence forth many could say I am “needy.” For attention. When I don’t have my attention meter full.. Im not a very happy princess. I don’t see myself as a needy person… I demand a certain amount of attention. If someone can’t provide my minimum requirement, then they are not my one. (This is my opinion! )

I think you should clearly communicate your needs to your dominant. Don’t think of you wanting their attention as “needy”. It is a dominants job to take care of their submissive’s needs. Not only the physical needs but the emotional needs as well.

If you feel like you need more of his attention, tell him. Making room for one another is a must in any relationship. When room is not made for one on one time outside of play time. That’s when things get prickly. That’s when people start feeling undervalued, forgotten and not appreciated.

I encourage you to use your words and express your feelings. Your partners response will tell you all you need to know. A dominant will make time if you are their priority regardless of busy schedules and hence forth.

I wish you luck!

Miki • Apr 5, 2022

As I am not a "true" sub, my impressions might not be precisely on target but from "outside looking in" being "needy", a word I would not use, personally, but for lack of a better word.... Anyway with some exceptions (nothing is etched in stone and there are no legitimate "official definitions" of being a submissive in a D/s dynamic ) It strikes me as "Goes with the territory". Seems to be second nature in a lot of subs..

But for you, O. P. , you should feel free to tweak your role as you see fit, communicate it to the dominant and if it flies, Great! If that dog won't hunt--- then hunt for another Dom.

Long distance and Online present their own sets of ups and downs and since I'm not one to ever do an online or long-range anything I can say little to nothing to that aspect of these games people play. Best I can muster is, "Treat it like you would a physical "Dommy on the Spot" thing, lay out there what you're looking for, how you choose to function in your dynamics and, sooner or later something may very well come along to your liking.

But on both sides of the ledger, communication (at a reasonable level, not ad-nauseum) and flexibility is key.

Remember, a rigid branch snaps under modest pressure, a flexible one canbend a bit... and last longer.


My two cents, useful or not.

As the fine print on tons of TV ads says:

Your Results May Vary

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Apr 5, 2022

Beautifully said. I this so much.

cynthiajoy • Apr 5, 2022

i feel for you in that emptiness. To me it is the online thing, but please don't take it as it is bad. It just not for me.
Maybe the neediness is the lack of physical contact.

Defender​(dom male) • Apr 5, 2022

I think there is "neediness" in most relationships, even vanilla.

Few people go into a relationship needing nothing from their partner.
There are simply "degrees of neediness" in each person.

Personally, I need physical touch, and because of this I will no longer enter into a long distance relationship, where it is likely that we will never meet.

I see no sense in setting myself up for needing something I know I cannot have.

Respect to those that can do it and be satisfied, though.

miss akairose​(sub female) • Apr 5, 2022

Thank you everyone for your inputs! I talked to my dom and sorted things. He was very understanding of my needs and we are making it work!

cynthiajoy • Apr 5, 2022

congrats